Once In A Blue Moon

15 Wickedly

I would split open my heart with a knife, place you within and seal my wound, that you might dwell there and never inhabit another.

— Ibn Hazm

☾

It is a strange feeling, to have someone be so sincere with you that you cannot escape the reality of a situation. It is strange to have someone be so close to you all too soon. Tenderness is a strange feeling-- either of a touch or a look. But being called lovable is a good feeling. Being called lovable is special.

Banafsha stares into Mikael's eyes for as long as she can, borrowing every second and bargaining with time, trading her heartbeats for this moment with him. Her hand grips the swing-chain above where his hand rests, alongside each other but not touching. She hasn't felt this way ever with anyone else-- no one ever has expressed themselves with such earnestness to her. She hasn't ever trusted anyone's empty words either, but Mikael makes her believe him. Mikael's words are not trivial-- they home her heart.

"Now who says you cannot be loved?" His voice is a hoarse whisper. She doesn't dare inch nearer to him to listen better. "There's always God if no one else, and then there are people who will love you selflessly. You know what does it require to get there, doctor?"

Her own voice is a murmur as she asks, "What?"

"You seek love, you find it. When you find it, you treasure it. But if you give up on it before the search, what do you find?"

"What?" she asks again and his lips twitch upwards.

"Despair, and it takes you away from God-- the one true love. That's why we're left alone, doctor. But we don't have to be." He holds her swing with his other hand too, twisting both of their swings so they're facing each other. "There's always a heart out there loving even when broken, because it's hopeful. Give yourself a chance. Maybe you won't be disappointed."

"Maybe," she replies weakly, their proximity doing inexplicable things to cardiovascular system. She warns her brain to behave and not release unwanted hormones that could effect her in odd and unwanted ways. She fails as her pulse starts jumping.

Mikael smiles as he tilts his face closer to hers and she instinctively leans away. He notices this and chuckles.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"The hate that was thrown at you, you didn't deserve it. No one does. So don't make anyone think that you're not enough. Don't belittle yourself."

She wants to tell him she never has, at least in front of the people. But how he sees through her, and how easily he has made her open up to him, she knows he has already unveiled her secret: how insecure she is on the inside. And she's surprised at how she has found him a trusting company and revealed to him what she has been hiding all her life.

She gazes into his eyes wordlessly and he lets her, watching her, before he speaks to her softly again, "This clay, so strong of heart, of sense so fine, / Surely such clay is more than half divine--" he searches her face for something she cannot figure as he finishes, "'Tis only fools speak evil of the clay, / The very stars are made of clay like mine."

Banafsha smiles at him, getting the essence of the poem, letting him find what he's looking for as she lets her guard down. "Beautiful."

"Of one of my favorite poets, Omar Khayyam," he tells her and releases her swing so now they've distance separating them again. "You say you submitted to your parents only for your dreams, doctor. Your dreams must be dear to you then."