+Bad Catholics+ Frank Iero

+26+

I could feel eyes on me continually as the school day progressed. I hadn't seen Frank yet- he wasn't in any of my classes other than English but on a normal day I would typically see him poking through the halls or around lunch time, if he bothered to even show up for the day. I couldn't believe after all I had seen at the house before coming to school that I was still even thinking about him. 

It was too cold that day to spend my free time out in the courtyard, despite how desperately I just wanted to be alone. Or more accurately, how desperately I wished I could leave all together, which is something I never thought I would beg for. It felt like all the things I had done to try and mask every little thing about me just ended up sabotaging me instead, and now it was completely out of my hands. The whole school seemed to be on my tail about my ambiguous friendship with Frank which in itself was bad enough- I could see it all in my head, the vicious notes being passed from person to person with the words "Her? Really?" scrawled across the top of the page just drenched in bafflement. Maybe that part especially shouldn't bother me, but I was only human. 

There was a brief moment where none of it bothered me, and although I regretted it, I longed for it in tandem. It was just enough to lose control of my narrative, even if it was the only time I had felt even an ounce of comfort or harmony despite the regular feeling of conviction; But now that the walls were torn down while I was looking away, I was stripped along with it. 

And that kiss. That god forsaken kiss. 

I sat quietly at a table alone in the library, hoping to avoid as many people as possible that were spending their lunches in the cafeteria. My books were splayed out in front of me but might as well have been blank. I briefly looked around to ensure there was no one around before leaning over and pulling the photo of my father I had transferred from my pockets to my school bag earlier that day, and placing it in front of me. Something about it reminded me of the photo Frank had of his Grandfather pinned under the visor of his car. Maybe because it just felt like looking into another lifetime. Still, it gave me just as much comfort as it did grief. 

I was lost in thought when two voices suddenly appeared somewhere behind me and I quickly shoved the photo back into my bag, pretending to study again. I couldn't quite tell where they were coming from, but they sounded near- likely on the other side of the bookshelf separating the seating area I was in from left rows of the shelves. They were hardly whispering, so they couldn't have known I was sitting right on the other side of them. My plan was to ignore it until the room cleared again, until my ear picked up one of them speaking Frank's name; Still I tried not to eavesdrop, but I just couldn't take it anymore when I then heard my name. 

"-and I kind of feel bad for her. She's probably so naïve."

"I don't. She thinks she's the smartest person in the universe, I can't stand it. I heard a rumor she's still a virgin."

The two voices quietly snickered followed by some shuffling of books.

"Well, that's obvious."

"I was at Samantha's party last weekend and Kate told me that's like, his thing."

"His thing?"

"Yeah like, taking girl's V-cards and then totally pretending like they don't exist."

"Do you think that's true?"

"Probably, every girl in school thinks he's gorgeous and he does whatever he wants, which is like, so hot. It would explain why he would give such a buzzkill like Mae the time of day."

"Well god, if I knew all I had to do was be a virgin to get Frank to notice me I would have never let Cameron take me out on that shitty date sophomore year."