Lilac's Lies

6

Clara and I didn't go back to school.

Which was surprising, because usually Clara had every objection to skipping classes. She didn't want to mess up her practically perfect GPA, she didn't want to rely on anyone else for notes, and she didn't want any attendance issues on her record.

I understood why she was like this. I just couldn't relate. I didn't really give a damn about my grades, and Jesse used to convince me to skip at least twice a week when we were together, so I'm pretty sure my record was already thoroughly fucked.

Clara used her car as an excuse. She said she wanted to bring it home because it was unsafe to drive. She said she was eager to get it fixed because she just couldn't survive without a car for very long. I guess she didn't realize that she was talking to someone who didn't have a car and definitely wouldn't have one in the foreseeable future.

I'm pretty sure that was only part of the reason. Even though Clara was pretending that everything was perfectly fine, and she wasn't worried about our situation with Brett and Jesse, I think she was. At least, I hoped she was. She would be stupid not to be worried, honestly.

I didn't trust them. I didn't trust their judgement and I certainly didn't trust their intentions. I only prayed they would grow tired of this game, and they wouldn't want to keep playing it. I prayed they realized how stupid they were being, threatening to open their mouths like that.

After all, they're the ones who wanted to play that stupid prank. If you could even call it a prank. I think it crossed the line from prank, to bad idea when there was such a huge a possibility of injury.

Clara and I didn't want anything to do with it.

Even being as drunk as we were, which was pretty drunk, I can remember the way we both protested when they told us their reckless idea. They were bent over in laughter when they told us. They thought it would be hilarious. They even video taped themselves doing it. Thankfully, they were smart enough to delete that evidence the next day when we heard the news. Once they realized just how stupid they had been. Once they realized how horrible of a mistake they had made.

I remember the sinking feeling I had watching them doing it. I remember how uneasy I felt when we drove that boat away, the boys laughing and fist bumping each other like they had pulled off an epic joke and nothing bad could possibly happen to them.

I don't think the impacts of what they did really weighed on them, because honestly, I don't think they ever thought about anyone other than themselves. They were only concerned with how things affected them. Their wants, their needs... it's all they cared about.

I wish I could say that I thought they were narcassists, or sociopaths... or whatever the labels are for people like that. The sad thing is, I don't think they are.

I think they are just entitled teenaged boys who have been told they are untouchable simply because of how well they can throw a football. They've been told they're elite because of their families money.

They truly believe that they can get away with anything, and the simple answer to why they think that is because they always have. They've always gotten away with their wrongdoings. Everyone has always been willing to look the other way.

Which is another reason why I'm worried that they will decide to tell someone that it was our idea. I think people will believe them. And even if they don't... it will be easier for the authorities to place the blame on us. The police won't have to arrest their chief's son. The prosecutors won't have to throw their friend's sons in jail. The school wont have to worry about losing their star football players.