George's diary (one shot Fred's death)

English

George's diary's :

I never had a diary before, I used to live in the present moment, so I never took the time to write down my day or my feelings, if something was wrong, I had someone to talk to.

But now Fred is gone.

I never realized how precious memories were until now.

Now, I hate myself for never writing them down before, I'm terrified, what if I forget those moments ? It truly was the happiest time of my life, but now everytimes I think about the past, everytime I think about him, I don't feel any kind of joy anymore. Pain ? Regret ? Nostalgia ? Whatever this feeling is called it's dreadful and I end up tearing up.

Nonetheless, I hold on to that feeling, even if it's destroying me, It's the only feeling I can have related to him, to my brother, my twin, Fred. Otherwise, I feel numb all the time... empty... something inside of me is missing, living without Fred doesn't seem right.

I don't want to forget the day we bewitched snowballs to hit the back of professor Quirrell's head, turns out we actually hit Voldemort in the face without even knowing.

I don't want to forget the day we turned Ron's teddy bear into a spider.

I don't want to forget when we got expelled together after letting off fireworks during Ron's OWL's.

I have too many memories in mind to write down all of them, it's a great thing I outlived Fred, if he was the one writing all of this no one would ever be able to read it due to his awful hand writing.

A year ago in that battle a piece of me died too, i can't even look in the mirror or cast a spell without seeing him... Funny how our wands completed each other's, forming a broomstick when we put them together... Honestly, what is a broom handle without its end ?

To be honest, as much as I hate this emptiness, I don't want to do my grieving. I can't, and even if I was capable I don't want to move on and start a life without him by my side.

Since in my mother's womb I was with him, we made out first steps together, grew up together, got our first wands together, got to Hogwarts together, got sorted into the same house, got the same quidditch role and spent every single detention together.

So no, i wasn't born to be alone, I'm not made for this life, I could never get used to it.

Sleeping alone in this room that we used to share  without someone to talk to and laugh with before falling asleep it's getting harder every day.

And what do I get up for in the morning if this is not to wake Fred up in the most annoying way i could find ?

I tried.

For a year.

I broke my promise and closed the prank-shop, even though we agreed if one of us died during the war, the other should keep giving life and joy to the wizarding world. Ron showed a lot of support and I will forever be grateful for everything he has done. He never left my side and switched between his internship at the ministry and helping me with the shop, but I can't do this to him anymore. He probably feel like he is my backup plan to become my new Fred, and it's the last things I want to do to him.  Even if he is ok with it, it's not fair and he deserves better then spending his time trying to make me feel better.

I'm aware of what my whole family is thinking, they want the old George back, and I agree, I miss my old self so much, life was a big joke and nothing mattered.