In Memoriam - An AJR Fic (Everything Clicks - Book 2)

Karma (Jack)

3 MONTHS LATER

"It began with..."

"The house party, right?"

"Oh...yeah, I guess we can start there."

I shifted in my seat and made uneasy eye contact with Dr. Atwood. She jotted a couple of notes down in her notepad before looking back up at me. A clock on the wall filled the silence with its ticking.

"Whenever you're ready," She reassured.

I sighed. "...What do you wanna know?"

"Whatever you can tell me."

I sat motionless for ages. I'd learned not to count the seconds as they passed. It had been three months since everything happened, but I wouldn't believe you if you told me that. With each passing day, it was starting to feel like years had gone by. But also...only seconds, at the same time. And with each day, I was starting to grow more numb. Numb? Was that the word?

"Here, why don't we start with something else," Dr. Atwood changed the subject, pulling up a document on her laptop. "Current medications, why not?"

"I'd rather not." I slumped in my chair and looked at a poster on the wall.

Dr. Atwood gave me a sympathetic smile. "I get it. It's a requirement, though, so we might as well get it over with."

I frowned and said nothing. I'd been through so many meds, and it didn't feel like anything was going anywhere.

"Let's see..." She scanned my now behemoth-sized medical records. "It says here that you were on Amitriptyline. Is that still a thing?"

"...No," I muttered. "Didn't work..."

"That happens," She calmed. "Not every medicine works for everyone."

"What else is there?"

"Bupropion?"

"Wasn't strong enough..."

She nodded. "Venlafaxine?"

"On it now."

She started typing. "How's that going?"

I shrugged. "...A bit too early to know for certain."

There was a pause as Dr. Atwood finished her notes. She sighed.

"Jack..." She hesitated, her tone sounding a bit off. "The thing is, any doctor or therapist can let you try all the antidepressants and anti-anxieties you want, and that works for some people. Meds do work in some cases. But for you..." She shook her head. "I think we need something other than just meds. Even the smallest step is a step in the right direction, but we need to figure out how I can help you. I need to know your story."

I stared off into the distance. I hadn't talked with anyone about "my story" in months. I didn't know if there was anything to tell. It was painful to talk about. It was painful to think about. I wasn't sure if anything was going to help at this point. It might just be something I have to live with. But...I guess I was willing to give this a shot.

"...You were saying something about a house party," Dr. Atwood encouraged. "Do you want to start there?"

I hesitated for a moment, then nodded, making contact with her kind eyes. Then, I began my monologue.

"...It began with the house party. That much I remember..."

****

Dr. Atwood stared at me with horrified eyes. "This...this happened three months ago?"