Secret Red

Chapter 55

Chapter 55

Alison was preparing herself mentally to be rejected, to be hated, to be blamed for what she had done. It would be even harder to accept especially coming from Jason, it was easier to be judged by someone else, like Mia or the other students.

All the while, Jason was still wrapping his arms around her small frame. She had been living in fear, the guilt was still eating her alive till this day. She felt the need to hide her heartache behind those thick glasses, conceal her guilt behind those sweatshirts and lock up her memories behind those hair buns. Yet, she was still the kind-hearted, bold, caring and funny girl inside. He was more amazed than ever after knowing what she had been through the past one year and how she still is the person now. He thought on how to make her grasp the truth.

"It's not your fault, you know that, right? She chose her own destiny, she decided herself. Whatever happened was because of her own choice. You've supported her when she needed you most. You need to stop blaming yourself, Alison." He said softly caressing her messy hair.

"If I didn't snap that day. Things might've been different. She was alone with no one else but me and I was too busy with the dance, too busy with myself, too ignorant to know when to keep my mouth shut, I was-" She barely whispered.

"The word if can make infinite possibilities so stop making excuses to hate yourself."

"And you don't hate me? After you know what I did?" She asked fearful with his answer.

"Of course not, Alison. How can you ever think that? All the more, I respected you. Everyone has their own problems. Everyone has the right to make mistakes but everyone is also given a choice, to make amends, to decide. Leah chose hers." He turned looking at her eyes giving her assurance.

"Life is like riding a train. You will ride this train and people will get on and off, carrying their own baggage. Some people will ride with you through the whole journey, others will ride for a short time. Your friend chose her stop. She chose to get off your train and that's where your journey together ended. And it's time you continue your journey ahead." He quoted from a philosophy teacher, Sudhir.

"I know. It's just... hard, you know." She nodded with a weak smile.

"And I'll be there with you along the way. You've made it on your own for the past one year which I'm sure has not been easy but you made it. Look where you stand now and know that it's all you." Jason smirked feeling proud of his strong girl.

"Thank you but... it'll be selfish of me to lean on you with all my problems. You deserve someone who will not drag you down. With all the anxiety, the breakdowns... I just... I don't want you to-" She took deep breath on each phrase,

"You're not the only one with a baggage, Alison. My life has been complicated. And I want to take care of you."

"Jason... I've hurt you and I-" She looked down to her feet unable to look into those brown eyes any further or she would get lost in them.

"And I've hurt you. I'm sorry for those mean things I did and said for the past few weeks. You're all I can think about no matter how hard I try not to. I think... I-"

"I'm not good for you, Jason."

"Everything about my life has never been good, except Loraine, but now... ever since you came into my life, you somehow paint the colors in my dull life."

"I..." She took courage to stare back into his eyes, studying his face when she noticed the bruises once again.

"How did you get those bruises?" She asked carefully.

"You guessed right. My dad."

"How? Why?" Her heart sank knowing that he had to live with his abusive father all these whiles, all those odd bruises on his body are proof how cruel a person is capable of and she despise knowing that fact.

"Since when did your dad hit you?"

"Since my mother left. I was eleven at the time when she decided to leave. My sister was just nine. She would always ask for her and I've to keep on making excuses for her every night why she would not tuck her to bed anymore. My dad drank through his sorrow and started off to be verbally aggressive to me then started to get physical, until today." He explained making her heart clenched for him.

"You wanted to know why Sera cheated with Cole? I was too busy contemplating on my twisted life, dealing with an abusive dad and trying to take care of my sister. Trying not to compromise anything that can jeopardize us but I'm already messed up from the beginning so I continued to just do what I do best, messing things up." He scoffed.

"You were trying your best, wanting to give the best for your sister while you're still so young yourself. You're forced to grow up but you're just a teenager. You're not messed up, you never were. You're simply trying to do your best in a messed-up situation." She reasoned but he just shrugged.

"And since we're being honest to each other, can I ask you something?" He asked making her thinking what more is there to know.

"Liam was never your boyfriend, was he?" She shook her head.

"And you never made out with Cole." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I didn't mean to make your relationship worse than it already is with Cole. I'm sorry." She said softly.

"You were trying to push me away and I was an idiot to let my emotions get the best of me." He stared into her warm blue eyes.