Leah Grimes

Chapter 71

"Carl.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. A fathers job is to protect his son." Carl disagreed, "no it's just to love." Carl reached down for his gun, and I pressed down on his hand making him unable to move it farther. Michonne shook her head, "Carl.. it should be.." Carl smiled, "somebody you love.. I know. But that's only if you can't do it. I still can. I grew up, I have to do this. Me."

"I love you." He whispered to Michonne. He then turned to Dad, "I love you Dad." I turned my head letting out another cry as Dad answered him. "I love you too Carl." He then turned to look at me and I shook my head, "you can do it yourself if you want Carl, but I'm not letting go of your hand." He stared up at me, "it's gonna to tear you apart." I put my hand against the side of his face, "I'm not leaving you alone no matter what it does to me."

I watched as Dad bent down trying to carry me out but I quickly pulled away. "She's fine Dad. I'd do the same thing for her. Just take care of her after this, promise me of that." Dad turned to look at me, and I looked down unable to focus on his tear covered face. "I wouldn't want to live in a world where I didn't Carl."

As the two of them left the church I put my hand around the gun tightening my grip. I placed my other hand in Carls. "Thank you for taking care of me, for being by my side no mather what. Thank you for always listening to me and my problems even when you had bigger ones of your own. Thank you for always making me see reason in every decision I make. And most importantly Carl, thank you for being the best big brother I could have ever asked for." Carl squeezed my hand, "I hope wherever I go I can still watch down on you." I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, "I love you." He nodded, "I'm ready Leah."

Slowly I held up the gun pointing it directly at his head. "I'm so sorry Carl." My hands were shaking and I was gasping for air as I did my best to brush my tears away and steady myself. I felt his hand go limp as soon as the bullet had left the gun and I turned around collapsing onto the floor beside him trying to take deep breaths, I leaned forward placing a kiss of his forehead, "safe travels Carl." The room remained still and slowly I grabbed onto a bench steadying myself as I stood up walking outside to where Dad and Michonne were waiting.

I sat against the fence beside Carl's body, as Dad and Michonne dug the grave. They took a small break and I watched as Dad turned to me. "Leah..." I shook my head, "don't say anything." He put his head down and turned back to the grave.

"I'm going to lay him in there now." Dad whispered. He bent down to pick up Carl and I turned my head watching every step Dad took. Once they began filling in the hole I stood up using the fence for support. "Leah," Michonne whispered. I turned to look at her, "nothing you're going to say will change anything."

I walked up onto the porch of our house and stared down at the board where we had placed our hands after Carl painted them blue. I touched mine against his fighting against a sob. I felt defeated like the very best part of me was taken away. Someone who I thought would be there through everything was gone. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Dad. He knelt down placing his hand on my back, and I bit my lip blinking away more tears. "I don't want to live without him Dad." I felt his arms wrap around me holding me against him, "neither do I sweetheart. But you heard everything he said, we don't have a choice." I crumbed down onto the deck trying to pull his hand print up through the deck. "He knew all day and he didn't say a word, I told him I had the best day of my life and the whole time he was hiding that. He tried to make me happy, even when he knew he was going to die. I'm such an idiot, I should've known, if I had listened to you Dad, and stayed here. We both know I would've went with Carl out there, and he wouldn't be dead right now." I let out a loud sob, "it's my fault. It's always my fucking fault. I thought I was helping you, but I was killing Carl." Dad lifted me up, forcing me to look at him with tears in his own eyes. "Maybe things would have gone differently if you'd stayed or maybe it would've been you instead. No one knows Leah, it wasn't your fault because it's impossible to figure l out right from wrong in this world." I shook my head, "I'm sorry Dad. I'm so so sorry. I'll never fight with you again, I'll listen to every word you say I promise." He scooped me up, "nothing is your fault Leah girl." I continued crying as Dad set me into the truck, I put my head against the console gasping for air.

When Dad and Michonne got back in I turned around to stare at Carl's grave until it was no longer in sight. Dad looked down at me, "he wanted you to find a way. To find a way to live without him." I shook my head, "I just lost him, I don't care about moving on. The second I do that, someone else dies."