It was friday night, after a long day of flirtin with cheerleaders at school and at football practice. Chad was at football practice because he was a real alpha male. NOT a fag-anyways chad was at his best friend, Aiden's house. He was banging some blond chick as always when someone called the police because someone got run over by a car. The police came and chad made a run for it while his best bros (NOT gay) got arrested. He stole his smoking hot best friends manly ass motorcycle and drove away, leaving the cheerleader on the bed (rip). It was a brutal ride to virginia, but it was worth it. Along the way, he had camped out in the woods and read porn in books, like in the 1600's or whenever the amish people were living before ww2 (chad skipped history class because his male teacher was a smexy alpha male and he was competition for him and he stole all the ladies). Anyways yeah so then he got run over by a pickup truck but when the guy got out of his truck, it wasnt chads heart or crushed foot that needed attention....... They ended up fucking all night long in the pickup truck instead of going to the hospital. Chad woke up and ran away. He quickly became homophobic and kept hitch hiking and fucking pretty women until he found some chritsian cult in the middle of the woods that he joined. That lasted 2 days because the deacon told him he had to practice abstinence, aka hell on earth for an alpha maleeee. He was so pissed and horny that he commited arson 5 times in a week (rookie numbers, damn amatuer). Then, when he lost phone signal and couldnt keep reading Yarichin Bitch Club, he realized he was in his favorite state, beautiful rural virginia. He tried to fin local strip clubs to support the economy and his emotional support but when then he almost got burned to the stake after asking where he could find a brothel. Chad then became an aethiest, since then, he could have sex all the time. He dated a lumberjack for a week, since he was going insane and he convinced himself the lumberjack was a muscular lady. Maybe even a lesbian, his favorite. Two girls is better than one, right?? He kiled the lumberjack and buried his forbidden love in the woods. He quickly became a devoted chirtsian, a servant of the lord. He marred a nice woman but since he hated her and he didnt like the sex (NO HOMO), he would drink away his problems and beat his wife. This all happened in 2 weeks. Chad's still missing, except for virginia. Sweet virginia will always remember him. You just havent heard about all this because everyone knows the internet doesnt exist in virginia. In fact, virginia doesnt exist for that matter. The end.
