Zaide the Zombie (A Short Story)

Chapter Four: The Hero's Hero

So I watched the events unfold, much the same way as in the novel. The hero argues for the life of the beautiful-yet-pitiful heroine, adamant that she wasn't infected with the zombie virus, determined to save her. He then gives instructions for everyone else on his team to leave, go back to the base, that he'd take care of her, protect her and raise her back to health. He then picked her up and carried her – princess carry! – up to the top of the Aquatic Centre's gym, which housed the rooftop café. He barred themselves in behind the café doors and furniture to hold anything from getting through those doors.

It was a nice idea, but in about three days, the Second Female Lead – AKA the novel's villainess – would come along with a captured pack of dead and dying mutant rats and, with the help of brainwashed and suckered side kicks, they would leave a trail of fresh meat for the local zombie group to have a free munch on, leading them straight towards the entrance of the café. It almost worked too, but in the book, Zaide turned up, saw what was going on, and saved the hero and his new woman. He became the hero's hero... that's a thing right? Hero's hero? Hmm.

OK, so the local zombies that showed up were a little more advanced than your normal, shuffle-along and falling apart undead... I know. I met them last week, nice guys, just a little dull. These guys moved faster, had more lethal killer moves and could climb stairs all on their lonesome. A three-in-one package. A fabulous deal! Just, unfortunately, they managed to arrive before the villainess and her side kicks were ready, and scared away the unprepared ambush crew.

When I remember the novel and Zaide's memories, I found out that the Second Female lead was a childhood sweetheart of the Male Lead, Warren, and was determined to get him back, hence the ambush trap to kill off the Female Lead... Stupid woman. She nearly got herself killed for her troubles, but pulled out a winning villainess move. As they were running for their lives, she managed to pull on the side kick's clothing beside her, and pushed them back into the horde as bait so she could escape. Told you they were suckers.

I sat on my leather chair, Little Bean and Little Blue beside me, watching the show. I couldn't eat popcorn or melon seeds, but cat kibble was surprisingly the next best thing. OK, let me clarify that – cat kibble that had spent time in my space and had been upgraded with my "Spring Water" – was the next best thing. Really yummy to chew on, tastes just like fried popcorn chicken from KFC, tasty!

Back to the drama unfolding. OK, so even though the ambush was set and backfired on the Second Female Lead and her now-undead sidekicks, the trap was already set. Mutant rats were laid out on a trail towards a living smorgasbord of yummy fresh meat. That's when I realised that the novel's hero and heroine were sitting roast ducks, since the old Zaide was no longer around and wouldn't come back to save the day.

That got me to thinking. What's to stop ME from doing Zaide's job for him? I'm Zaide now, even if I'm undead, but what's to stop me from stepping up and becoming the hero's hero? That kinda tickled my funny bone, an undead zombie ex-best friend from high school – sorta – saving the hero Male Lead and his leading lady from a horde of lethal zombies. "Hero Zombie Zaide." Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

I packed away my leather chair, puppy and zombie girlfriend and all, and quickly ran – hoping no one was watching as I dropped my undead zombie façade – and reached the end of the fresh mutant rat trail before the real zombie horde did, collecting the rats and throwing them into my space along the way. Just as I cleared the scene, the first zombie arrived in the pool area and was, thankfully, distracted by a frozen pizza bobbing up and down in the contaminated diving pool. He jumped in to take a look and the others followed behind him.

I can now confirm that live undead zombies do in fact sink. To the very bottom of the pool. I am never going swimming ever again.

Warren, the Male Lead and his girl, Valerie, were left to recuperate, mend their bodies, grow their budding love and re-energise again without interruption. Four days locked behind the barred café doors, Warren finally came out to hunt for food, water, and medicine that the old Zaide would have delivered long before now. I watched from a dark corner, eating my cat kibble, as he nearly tripped over the box of goods that I'd left him just outside the door. He vigilantly looked around before looking into the box and finding everything he needed and more. Ginger ale! My gift and treat to them for surviving the unknown threat with a job well done.