I will always find you

Struggling

All rights goes to Joss Whedon who has created all the characters in the Buffyverse. I don't own these characters.

"Your shirt"
"Tara? Tara? Baby, baby come on"
Tara stood up, her eyes were filled with tears.
"How could you Willow? You promised" Tara said. Then she disappeared.

Willow woke up, she cried. She knew Tara would never forgive her. After Tara's death Willow hit rock bottom and became dark Willow, she nearly ended the world. She was planing on taking Warren with her and kill him right before the world started to go down. She never got the chance. Xander made her snap back to Willow. Warren ran away from them and Willow wanted to run after him but Xander stopped her.

Now almost 6 months later Willow just woken up from her dream and cried just like she had since the day Tara died. Giles took her with him when he went back to England. He wanted her to find herself and not be scared of magic. She joined the coven there but it didn't help her very much. She didn't do one spell, not a single one. All she did was stare, stare at nothing. Either she sat by a window looking out on the empty landscape or sit under a tree outside.

Giles thought it would be better for her to return to America and therefore sent her back to her friends. Willow didn't care much, all she knew was that she never wanted to go into that bedroom ever again. She thought a couple of times that she should just stay at next stop. That she shouldn't go on to the next plane. She didn't.

The group waited patiently for their redheaded little friend at the airport.
"Can we really trust her?" Dawn asked, she had her arms crossed and stood in between Xander and Buffy.
"Don't say that, of course we can. It's Willow" Buffy said and softly hit her sisters arm.
"Well thar Willow tried to end the world, I'm mean she could snap again" Dawn said, neither her sister or Xander understood that the teenager was just afraid on losing Willow.
"She won't" Xander said and put his arm around the girls shoulder.

Willow was so nervous to meet up with her friends, what if the voices in her head were right. What if they would never forgive her. What if they hated her. Willow then went up to meet her friend, something in her said that it wasn't a good idea. She didn't need anyone, well only one person and she wasn't here anymore.

The friends could instantly tell something wasn't right with Willow, she left one person and came back even worse. How could Giles let her go so soon. To soon. What if Dawn is right, what if she does snap again. Buffy tried to ignore those thoughts but she couldn't really. The friends got into Xanders car and he started to drive the group to the Summers residence.

They got out of the car and took Willows package into the house. A big sign was put up in the living room. It said welcome home Willow. Willow ignored it and just sat down in the sofa, staring out into the nothingness she shut the rest of them out. She didn't want to hear their excuses. She didn't want them to take pity on her.

"We baked a ton of cookies for you, do you want one?" Dawn said, she thought if she just acted normal and like everything was before it would help. But she didn't get any answer from the redhead. Dawn looked up at Buffy, then back at Willow.
"Hey Will, what about some pancakes? We know you love them" Xander tried. But again Willow ignored the question.

"I'm tired" she said, what the others didn't know was that it was a cry for help. She wasn't sleeping tired, she was tired because of all she felt. She didn't wait for an answer and left the couch. She went up the stairs, she didn't know that Buffy had changed rooms with her. But it didn't matter, Willow went right to Buffy's old bedroom.
"Yeah we changed rooms, we thought it would be a good idea" Buffy said smiling nervously. Willow just closed the door and went to the bed to lay down.

"You did this"
"It's your fault"
"You're a bad, bad person"

The thoughts went on and on in Willows head, she felt tears burn in her eyes. She let herself feel it. The tears was unstoppable now.
"I'm a bad person" she said to herself.
"Bad, bad, bad person"
"Bad, bad, bad, bad" she repeated, still crying. The room was dark and filled with boxes with Willows stuff. Her suitcase was put in front of the wardrobe. Nothing personal was put up in the room, but she didn't care. At all.