apricate; enhypen imagines

park jongseong - "our song"

note: "thou art lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, clementine..."

a/n: something short bc i started it forever ago and i had no idea how to end it ;-;

tw: sad; i use the word 'lady' in this, i'm sorry

- linden

You felt a pair of arms wrap around your middle and a face rest on your shoulder. You shifted a little, knowing your mom was in the house but not caring too much. You continued with your homework until you heard your boyfriend humming.

"What are you humming?" You looked up at Jay. His lips quirked up into a little a smile and he opened his mouth, singing softly. "Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling, clementine. Thou art lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, clementine."

You felt sudden butterflies unfurl like flowers and swim around in your stomach. "That's a pretty song." You weren't sure whether to form a smile or a frown. "A sad song."

"Yeah." Jay let out a soft breath and let go of you. He placed a hand over yours where you unconsciously clicked your pen. You looked up at him. "Hm?"

"Let's go get a snack or something, you'll wear yourself out."

"No, I-"

"Yah." Jay said disapprovingly. You couldn't hold back the soft giggles that spilled past your lips. "All right."

————

Missing a person was one of the most terrible things. It was this horrible feeling like a blood red rose dripping with the scent of sweetness and covered in thorns. You think you'd be fine without them, but when you go and leave them, when you pluck the rose, you realize your skin has been punctured by it's many dangers.

Missing someone, not having someone, makes you realize just how much you needed them.

————

You sang to yourself, alone as you washed the dishes. Alone like you'd been for years. It was sad and it was pathetic.

Two years ago, your parents died. Two years ago, your boyfriend moved away with his own parents. He didn't come back for you and you had no idea what had happened to him. You doubted he had any idea what had happened to you. Eighteen with strict parents. Eighteen with one left on their own and the other trapped in their wealthy life.

It ached so much every single day not having your family around and not hearing their familiar laughter. It hurt so much not waking up to Jay's breath rustling your hair and his hands tight around your body. It hurt not to have him randomly slip his arms around your waist or whisper warm i love yous into your ear.

You were twenty now, and you still hadn't given up. You knew he must be out there somewhere. You didn't break up exactly, but that abrupt end wasn't much of anything at all.

You sang in solitude, like a lonely siren. It was stupid. The dishes swirled in dirty soap water.

"...Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling, clementine. Thou art lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, clementine. Drove she ducklings to the water every morning just at nine, stubbed her toe against a splinter, fell into the foaming brine. Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling, clementine. Thou art lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, clementine..."

It was a really old song, but it had come to remind you of Jay over time. It was his song. It was a him and you song. It fit his voice in this weirdly perfect way. He used to sing it all hushed and his voice would be soft. Unusual, but in the best way. Jay used to sing it to you as you fell asleep at night and the song, although as sad as the lyrics were, was filled with love and affection.

Sometimes it just became a him and you tune where you hummed it on the street or turned over the sounds in your mind. Sometimes at night you felt like you could hear him, but it was only some insane fantasy.

Maybe you should find someone new. You thought that a lot, but no one new had come for you and you weren't exactly about to go searching.

Park Jay hadn't been your first love, but he'd been your best love. You'd fallen into a shaky and never stable relationship with some brown haired blue eyed guy before him, and when the guy left you in the dust, Jay was perfectly ready to pick up your pieces, and you were ready for him to.

Jay treated you different every single day, but in a good way. Every day he used to make you feel important and almost like royalty. In return, you would be something solid for him to hold onto, and you would treat him as much like a king as you could.

Sometimes, you longed so hard to see him again, that you could feel yourself start to cry.

————

You never heard anyone singing that song, or humming it, or playing it. It was an old song, an almost forgotten song; only alive because of the media.

You only ever heard yourself singing it when at times you would find yourself humming it or singing it softly under your breath or while you showered early in the morning.

The one time you heard it otherwise nearly broke your heart. You were walking to the subway on the way home and heard the soft tune carried by the breeze. You paused in your tracks, hearing complaining pedestrians around you but not caring too much. You muttered a couple of apologies and moved through the ocean of people, following the sound like a moth drawn to a light.

You stumbled into a small outdoor eating area and felt chills wrap around your body to ear the sweet sound played on a lonely guitar. You could hear the lyrics in your head, in Jay's voice rather than yours, echoing in your headspace.

You swallowed and turned in a circle until you met the sight of the guitarist. Your heart dropped in disappointment. You weren't sure what you were hoping for anyway.

You approached the older man hesitantly. He glanced up at you, playing the last couple of notes. He had kind brown eyes and smile lines going off from the edges of his eyes. "Hi, young lady." He scanned your eyes. "Are you all right?"

You swallowed. "Um."

"Would you like to talk?" He strummed a chord on his guitar and the light caught his eyes. You sucked on your lips. "Okay." You said in a small voice. The man patted the small stone ledge he sat on and you sat down maybe half a foot away.

"What's wrong?" He smiled a little. "You look sad. I used to be like that when I was younger." His smiled turned sad. "Lost my true love, you know?"

"Yeah.." Your voice broke and you made eye contact with the man. "I do know." You swallowed.

"Do you want to tell me about them?" He put down his guitar on his lap and it made a short sound, not exactly one note or another.

You glanced up and around before back at the man, nodding slightly. "His name was Park Jay...and that song you were playing on your guitar.." You took a soft breath.

You weren't really sure if you were ready to think about your chapters with him yet. It had been two years already, so maybe you should be ready. Maybe it would make you feel better. Maybe you could move on. Maybe you could hold on.

"That used to be our song..."