Home Away From Home

Chapter 3: Evening Chat

Normally there's a breaking point when one feels stressed out. All the tension builds and when it mixes with the growing exhaustion, it often culminates and combusts.

Harry had felt like he was reaching his breaking point before.

Now; sitting at a table in the Hogwarts kitchens, directly across from Draco Malfoy, who just admitted to be living with the man who was dead-set on killing him. Yes, Harry was very nearly reaching his limit.

"Okay." Okay?  Why did he say okay?  Harry face-palmed internally. This was a shitshow and it had barely begun.

"Okay?" Draco furrowed his pale brows. "I tell you that I'm-"

"Yes I know!" Harry interrupted, his temper flaring. "I'm just trying to reconcile with it so I don't take it out on you!"

Draco seemed taken aback but quickly settled his expression to be a neutral one. "Well..."

"Well..." If Harry had known this conversation would be this awkward he would never have let Draco drag him down to the kitchens in the first place.

"I don't..." Malfoy murmured, "I don't want to join him. I've seen what he's done to father... To others, followers or not. I don't want that..."

Oh. Draco was now in an even more dangerous position than Harry thought.

"Thank you for telling me." Harry said seriously, looking Draco in the eyes. "Would you be able to keep me updated on anything that happens, or would that be too dangerous for you? I don't want you getting hurt."

Where did that come from??

Draco looked as surprised at the admission as Harry felt. "I... I won't be much in the know - if at all, especially right now since the Dark Lord is in hiding and I'll be here until Christmas, but if I do hear anything I'll be sure to tell you."

Relief flooded Harry's mind, Draco was on their side and he could get some information that was previously inaccessible. Snape may be the one to get the higher-up knowledge but Draco could get word to him about his father or the other Slytherins. Harry knew that some of the Slytherins had parents who were Death Eaters or Voldemort sympathisers, so it would be handy information.

"Thank you."

Malfoy nodded. He glanced up from the table to Harry, sipping his tea slowly. He lowered his cup.

"You asked if I knew Occlumency and mentioned that you need to learn it." He tilted his head and a strand of platinum blond hair fell out of place. "Are you asking me to help you?"

"Uh, only if- if you are able to. I don't think I can last much longer in Snape's lessons." Harry rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling bashful.

Draco hummed. He gestured to Harry's untouched sandwich. "Eat your sandwich and I'll consider it."

Harry huffed. "You spend a month with me and you make it your job to keep me fed. It must be worse there than I thought." He joked and Malfoy smiled wryly. Conceding defeat, Harry began eating.

"With Occlumency, you need to clear your mind." Harry rolled his eyes at the phrase. "To do that, most people imagine a place to store their memories and thoughts. Not only does it hide things from prying eyes, it helps one have control over their overall state of being - such as emotional health, mental health, and physical health."

Harry continued to listen to Draco's explanation with wide eyes. Why couldn't Snape explain it like that? Draco made it sound so much easier that way, it was immensely more helpful than the greasy git.

The two spent another half an hour going over the basics of Occlumency, Harry asking questions and Draco answering them with varying degrees of patience. They spent another 15 minutes going over Legilimency since Malfoy was on his way to mastering that himself.

"You said earlier that you were feeling the Dark Lord's emotions as if they were your own. I believe you also mentioned having night terrors." It wasn't said as a question but Harry knew that Draco was expecting an answer.

"Yeah. He and I have a mental connection that Dumbledore hasn't bothered to explain to me. I don't know how it works or why it happens, but I essentially get a window into his head." Draco's eyes widened. "Not a clear window, mind you. It hides a lot from me and I don't think he's aware that the link exists, but I get enough through it for it to be a pain in my arse."

He sighed heavily. "I've been having night terrors since the end of the tournament." He held his hand up when he saw the blond open his mouth. "The reason you never knew during your stay, was because I've trained myself to stay quiet during any nightmares I have."

Draco frowned, concern tinged his sharp features.

Harry avoided eye contact. "I see Cedric, I see the graveyard where he  brought himself back. I sometimes see a long hallway with black tiles and doors. It's all just a mess..."

The two sat in silence for a while.

"Well, Potter." Harry jolted at the use of his last name. "We've been here longer than I expected we would be and I have prefect rounds to make."

Harry cursed, standing abruptly. "I promised I'd be back before Ron and Hermione left for their rounds, 'cause I've got Snape's lesson soon. If I leave now I think I might only be 5 minutes late."

Malfoy smirked. "Well, maybe it'll teach you to manage your time better."

The dark haired boy glared at him. "You were the one who wanted to talk to me here!" Harry snapped, even though he could see in Draco's silver eyes that he was only joking.

They separated after they left the kitchens, Draco going back down to the dungeons while Harry went towards Gryffindor tower. True to his word, Harry was only 4 minutes and 37 seconds late to Snape's lesson (the prat was counting).

Much to both of their surprise, Harry did marginally better than last time as he took into consideration some of Draco's tips. He tried to imagine a whole range of mental landscapes, but none of them held for long. Snape seemed to realise what he was doing and commented that he needed a place that he knew well.

Long after he left Snape's office, when he was lying in bed, utterly exhausted, he was still thinking about it.

His minded drifted to all the places of meaning in his life. He'd already tried those; Gryffindor tower, the broom closet at the quidditch pitch, Lupin's office, Grimmauld Place even! None of them worked. The closest one to success was the broom closet and Harry didn't want to think about why.

If he thought about it then he'd be reminded of a small child scribbling on paper using stolen crayons, a dark haired stick figure standing apart from a family of blonds, a page filled with green and black. He'd be reminded of the cramped corners that conditioned him into submission. He'd be reminded of all the freaky secrets hidden away from sight, a shame to the prying eye, never to be revealed.

He could see each step, the bits of rust on the hinges, the lock. He could see the musty mattress and the cobwebs in every nook and cranny. The broken toys on his little shelf, his cracked glasses, the dangling light, the spiders.

Boy backed away, Freak shielded his eyes, Harry straightened and stared into his mindscape, wondering what was wrong with him.

Posted: 7 May 2022