Antecedent (Tex Sawyer)

Antecedent 5

A/N: It's come to my attention that I really am so cruel to my characters. I blame channeling this tooth and jaw pain into a form of brutal revenge.
There's also a minor time skip. Just a minor one.
...

What came next was only a blur. Through the heavy sensation, I felt my body sway with difficulty, hair stroking against my face. There was only darkness and it took a moment to register that even with my eyes open, I couldn't see. Giving a small moan, I tilted my head trying to detect what was happening, as it edged myself to the side. I felt a slight pressure against the edge of my ears and through a split second of horror, I felt somewhat able to breathe. At the very least I hadn't been blinded, my eyeballs were still very much in my head, or so I hoped. But then what would be the point in blindfolding me? This time around, they seemed safe from being on the menu for this family of deranged sickos.
"Look who's starting to come around." Tink's voice echoed, as I stirred again trying to detect what else I could. Along with them, I could hear the scrape of metal against china; the slight splashing and rinsing of water which was clearly coming from a tap and lastly, the smell of meat still strong in the murky air. "Told you that you hit her too hard."
"So what!" Alfredo's voice replied uncaringly, I took in another note of the fact I was at a table. Through his outrage he had kicked against or knocked it to emphasise his point. "Damn stuck up bitch kicked me, again!"
"Heck, I'd kick you too if I were her." Feeling my eyelids close again, my head lulled against my shoulder, another wave of heaviness filling me and forcing my aching body to sag against the bonds. The incident of which they were talking about didn't feature in the last memory I had, what I had remembered was probably less pleasant than whatever Alfredo had done to me. I could still practically feel Tex's touch still embedded in my neck, the trail of saliva and blood that he had left in his wake. A shiver rippled up my spine as I tried instead to focus on anything else.
"Look what she did to my face!"
"Again." Tink replied coolly, "I would do the same." Hearing the scraping of the chair, I heard footsteps come close and breath fanning my face alerting me to his presence. "I'm going to take this off and you are going to stay quiet or I am going to smack you as damn hard as my brother did, nod if you understand." Inhaling against what felt more like a gag as opposed to tape, I refused to acknowledge his request. "Missy, you really don't want to piss me off more than you have already. Now I'll ask once more and if you don't respond to me when it's time to release whatever piss or shit you have stored in your gut, you'll sit in. Now, are you going to behave?" Feeling my nose wrinkle and whatever pride I held onto dissolve I grudgingly did as he asked. For now, at least they planned to keep me alive a bit longer and meeting my maker covered in faeces if there was no way out, was not anyway that I wished to go.
"I'd leave her in her shit anyway." Alfredo grumbled, "a bit of humiliation for what she did to me. Serves her fucking right." Feeling hands stretch behind my head and tug at a knot, I closed my eyes as the material slowly slid off and the lightbulb connected with my line of sight stunning me.
After a few seconds of seeing the hot dot still in the dark, it began to fade and I opened them once more. I was back in the dim kitchen but like before, there was no Joel to be seen and the soft moan that had come from an injured and hanged Troy from before was not buzzing in the background. I doubted they had been slaughtered in the time I had been out for the count and trying to remain optimistic I refused to believe otherwise.
Alfredo sat before me; a makeshift ice pack of frozen peas being held to his head as he glowered in my direction. Returning the favour, I inhaled through my nose and felt my eyebrow raise. I had no guilt, not a touch of remorse for his swollen nose, the bruising across the bridge and whatever else I had done. Seeing the look I sent, he snapped and went to stand again before a hand touched his shoulder and pushed him back down with pink painted nails. Focusing above the empty plates and what was left of vegetables, I noticed the matching apron and even Tex's lips himself.
"Told you that was enough." He scolded at the older man humming back at me as I found myself staring at his somewhat more feminine attire. The other two didn't react which showed that this was either normal for Tex or the little girl had taken to using him as an experiment. But the polish looked familiar, the same pearl sheen having coated Sherri's. They had already been helping themselves to more than our tents. "You aren't helping yourself." Slitting my eyes at him, he sighed. "You know, I feel like what you're wanting by looking at me like that is having the opposite effect."
"Treat them mean." Tink started idly adjusting himself to his true height and taking to checking what bound me with my arms around the chair.
"Keep 'em keen." Tex finished as I felt my nose once again wrinkle in disgust only to be met with his grin. "Just you keep looking at me like that, sweetheart, might just give you another love bite."
"I'll happily bite that bitch."
"Why don't you shut up, stupid? I told you, you wanted that blonde and you already took her to your room." The sickening pressure in my empty gut multiplied and weighed me down. I recalled what was left of the previous woman that had been bound in Alfredo's pigsty of a room. But to know that now Sherri laid there, made me want to break free and stab Alfredo in the good eye with the closest kitchen utensil whether it be a spoon, fork or knife. Seeming to suspect as much, the greying man smirked my way now, his grotesque tongue poking out the corner of his mouth.
"She's still good." Lunging forwards I swore loudly through my gag as my restraints held me back. He only laughed as I repeated the same curse at him. Bastard. Complete and utter filthy and deranged bastard.
"If you're not going to be helpful here, Alfredo, go get the pig sorted. Need to get the uniform cleaned for Charlie." Tink instructed flipping a tea towel over him.
"Why do I always have to do the shit jobs? Give them to Tex!"
"I am being helpful." Tex informed him simply before raising a hand inspecting the coated nails. "Besides, this seems to be the expensive stuff. Someone has some money, honey." Closing my eyes at his awful rhyme and the direct pet name, I turned my head refusing to so much as look in his direction.
"Is that right, you a rich little daddy's girl huh, missy?" Tink asked amused before turning his back and flipping on the sink again as Tex passed him whatever dishes were left on the table. "Could have called it just by looking at you all." Turning my head in his direction, I met the eyes of Tex who just tilted his head back in response leaning against the counter top. "All the money in the world isn't going to help him find you."
"That's for sure." Tex agreed with him idly, "just graduated, her friends as well so what's the betting it was some fancy school or something?"
Better than some backwater shit hole.
"College girls." Alfredo sniggered, "know what they say about college girls?"
"Nothing because you know nothing about any kind of female." Tex replied grinning upwards at his older brother who instantly stood to his feet defiantly. Tossing the bag of peas which the cowboy instantly ducked to avoid, he raised both hands in the air and curled fists ready to have a scrap. The bag splashed in the sink and got the other brother who just bit Alfredo's name venomously while using the sleeve of his hook hand to wipe away the droplets and bubbles. "Did I touch a nerve, sweetheart? Only the dead have you and that's only because they ain't got a choice."
"Asshole! I'm going to take your head and ram it up your-"
"I said enough!" The water stopped flowing and quickly drew to a splashing halt as Tink raised his voice. Dropping a dish into the sink, he inhaled through his nose and stood between his two siblings but more before Tex in a somewhat protective way making it clear who was the favourite out of the two. "The pig, Alfredo, how many damn times? Charlie will be here soon and to get the cops off our backs they need to think an asshole in uniform is still patrolling! You want them snooping and letting themselves into our home? Because I sure as shit don't."
"Are you just trying to get rid of me?" Fury turned into confusion as Alfredo's eyes widened at his own question. He seemed poutier and more childish now.
"Yes, and you're not taking a hint." Tex remarked attempting to step around Tink who in his frustration held a hand up at him and pushed him back by the chest. Against my will I found myself focusing more on the brothers quarrel more than anything else. Unfortunately, in the position I was fastened down in, I was not up to much and if there was something here, I could use later to distract them or even turn them on each other I wasn't below doing so. I had managed to manipulate Junior and while Tink seemed far too clever to pull the wool over his eyes, I couldn't help but feel as though Alfredo's cue was much lower. There were ways, maybe, that I could take him off guard, tactics which were repulsive to even consider but time was off the essence. Simply because I was allowed to stay alive for now didn't mean that Joel and Troy had the same privilege.
"Alfredo." Tink warned slowly as he stepped closer to the man he was talking to. He had had enough and I honestly couldn't blame him. Out of the three, as much as I severely disliked Tex and I really, truly did, Alfredo was a level of filth and horror which was the most unforgivable. He couldn't even let Sherri rest in peace and thinking of her upstairs...what was left of her at least, my jaw clenched. Someone had to make that necrophiliac pay. "Do you want to wake Mama from her nap just because you're incapable of doing one job? She's already displeased with you for even bringing the heat back here."
"Junior let her out!" Attempting to shift the blame from himself, he pointed a filthy finger in my direction. "Make him do it!"
"Junior has the sense of a squirrel, while you're not much better I expect more. Now, will I ask again or are you not mature enough to suck up a direct instruction?"
Alfredo's body language appeared to crumble at the thought of telling his mother anything. Mumbling something under his breath, he seemed to think about it before uttering a simple: "fine." Stomping around he aimed to leave the room muttering vague insults. Tink sighed relieved the domestic was over and placed his hand to his forehead tracing circles in the corner. Tex however only seemed amused by the leverage and how easy it was to sway the greying man.
"Now you're helping to actually do something." Tex commented smug at the way he folded and reiterated back to the fact from before that Alfredo was of very little use. "For once." Stopping in mid-step by the doorway, Alfredo turned slowly and waited to see if he had anything more to say before grinning at the make-up wearing blonde.
"Well fuck you, Edward."
"Ah, hell." Tink muttered as Tex wasted no time in launching himself through the room, his hand clenching against Alfredo's throat with a manic growl. Both of them disappeared around the doorframe while Tink remained where he was putting his hands on his hips. I tipped my head in his direction as he just released a breath, his darker eyes meeting mine. "You have siblings?" I shook my head as he nodded, "be grateful, look at what you could have been stuck with."
"Say my damn name!"
"I ain't saying nothing, Edward." Both voices continued to argue as Tink headed towards the room, hoping he would leave so at the very least I could try and shimmy myself from the spot I was in. Instead, he simply closed the door looking as though he had had enough for the day. They would be someone else's problem whether that was Mama's or Grandpa's. Shaking his head and returning to where he was chopping up, he leaned across the table as he went. Bending down to ensure I knew he was there, he stretched over my shoulder and slid something very slow to him, a knife.
"Now I can't say I trust you enough not to use this on me once my back is turned." Glaring back at him, he gave a small smirk, the side of his lips twitching upwards as he released a ring of laughter his answer was confirmed. "No, I didn't think so. I'm not like Junior. He's pretty displeased about what you did to him, should count yourself lucky that my brother has an interest in you. Otherwise, well you wouldn't be in one piece right now." Returning to the sink, I closed my eyes and sighed against the material gag. I may not have been able to see behind me but I was rather sure Tink was switched on enough to clear any potential weapon or means of escape. As I allowed my head to bow, I heard the opening of the door, this time coming from behind. Footsteps echoed under each floorboard quaking with each step and without looking I knew it was Junior. "Well, look at you!" Feeling my eyelids flutter, I felt a knot of dread tighten in my guts at the forced enthusiasm.
Junior's back was to me while Tink seemed to be an awful mix of humouring and amused himself. Junior however immediately took the compliment and reached up to touch his flesh mask with bloodied hands. Biting down against the gag, I noticed the blood that dripped against the second layer of skin. From the side profile, the skin looked fuller and fresher than it had before. What seemed to have been a large hole through the cheek had been stitched up into a more upright position. Shaking my head, the recognition of the gaping wounds registered in my mind from the brief second, I had seen my friend hanging by three hooks. My eyes watered as Junior moved to face me and immediately, I cried out as he growled back and moved closer.
Tink pulled at his arm immediately tugging him back but it gave me a moment to see the face closer as he stood statue still glaring at me from where he had cut and stitched and around the eyes. Despite the levels of mutilation and thick stitching I knew just who was looking back at me. Troy.
"Leave it, Junior. We spoke about this." The older Sawyer warned as I felt my legs shake, the fresh tracks of blood slowly seeping out from the stitches. I looked away feeling myself cry out again. My boots tapped against the ground, the fear and panic as I thought of the cheeky motormouth and how much he must have suffered. My thoughts went to Joel, if they had hurt him, where he was, if he was...
No...God no. Screaming the protest at them both, it came out muffled but again Junior stood forwards, free arm raising as if ready to strike and I welcomed it. Let him hit me, it would only fire the determination to make them pay for what they had done.
"I said, leave it!" Tink barked once again pulling at Junior who panted heavily and moaned. Jabbing a finger my way furiously, Tink just sighed. "Doesn't matter what she thinks, go show Mama. I bet she'll be really proud of how much better you are getting with your stitching." Instantly the much larger man nodded, he left into the corridor where the brothers quarrel continued more in the distance, he ensured to savour each hateful second watching me. Trembling breath rested on the gag as I refused to break the contact even as the wet tears poured and dripped down the corner of my face. He would pay.
...
When Tex returned, he did so as if he had not disappeared on the terms he had. Licking his lower lip which sported a small puncture now, he laughed off with Tink on how Alfredo didn't know how to fight like a man.
"Can't say he fights like a girl either though." Tink replied leaning both hands on the counter top and leaning back on it. "I've seen how a girl can scrap thanks to a certain Miss over there." Tex looked to where he was pointing with a grin and nodded. Slowly lifting his shirt, he revealed a blackening bruise that lay between his ribs in the unusual shape of footwear. It looked painful and for that I was grateful. If he felt even an ounce of pain it wouldn't compare to what I had suffered but I wasn't beneath admitting I was happy to have done anything. The same with Alfredo, they both deserved what they got.
"That's for sure, she hits harder than Alfredo." He agreed while walking over to me and pulling out a seat directly placing it in my line of sight. "But then Heather hits harder than Alfredo." Sighing my name, Tex repeated it another two times, arms folding over his knees as his shirt once again concealed the painful looking mark. "How'd you like Junior's new face? Told you Junior was real keen on it." My eyebrows furrowed together, my face still hot and wet from the cry I had grieving over my friends. "He seems pretty proud of it, your friend however...maybe he was more of a girl than you are."
"Cried a lot for a man with holes in his mouth." Tink explained smirking as he took to withdrawing a cigarette from the pocket of his jeans. Holding it between his teeth he next took to lighting it slowly. Both sets of eyes were on me and between them both I gave long hard stares too. "Not to mention pissing himself again. You've not pissed yourself once yet."
"Do you need to piss yet? Bear in mind I'm asking you if you need to go to the toilet only. I'll be watching you so if you try anything sneaky, well I won't be so kind about it." Smirking as he trailed off, Tex's hands went touching my knee, fingers tracing some circles on the bare skin. Once again, I found myself focusing on the nail polish he had swiped from Sherri and just through disgust he was once again touching me in general. "I'm giving you a chance to release yourself here, you could show some gratitude."
"She was vocal enough with Junior."
"Is that right?"
"Practically screamed the roof off."
"You're going to start offending me, sweetheart. Next, you'll be talking to Alfredo more than me." Pouting and flinching at the small cut over his painted lips. "Let's see what you have to say, hm?" Turning my head to the side as he raised a hand, he gave an exasperated breath. "You are so difficult. Do you know how tired I am here? It'll be morning soon and I could be sleeping off dinner and ignoring you." Flinching from pain, I protested again, turning my head further up but felt his hand manage to snag the material now from inside my mouth. His fingers coiled around the material and tugged it out, rolling the now wet material against my lower rip. Coughing a little, he grinned and patted my knee with his other hand. "That better?"
"Where's Joel?" I demanded immediately, my voice cracking as Tex looked at his older brother.
"Joel?" He mused repeating the name as I glowered at his act of dumb. As stupid as I felt him to be, he was not this unaware. "You know a Joel, Tink?"
"Joel, no can't say that I do." Tink chimed idly, blowing out some smoke. "Can you describe him to us, missy?"
"Is he alive?" Again, my voice faltered from the mix of dehydration and dread. I didn't know if I was ready for the answer when I had already lost Sherri and Troy. Tex gave a small noise facing back to look at me. An amused little scoff escaped his lips as he tilted his head inquiringly.
"How much do you want to know?"
"I'd think before I would answer that if I were her, Tex."
"Me too, Tink. So how about it, Lori, you really want to know?" Lowering my head, I pushed my knee to escape the touch of his palm. Without being put off, he reached to hold it again and commented on how my legs were trembling. "Sure, you don't need to go for a toilet break, darling?"
"Is he alive?" I repeated dryly ignoring his play of ignorance. It was clear that this was a game to him. It was fun in his eyes, as each time he tried to chase me down, to pin me. It was just a cat and mouse scenario and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was the mouse. An outnumbered and definitely overpowered mouse. 
"Maybe." Grimacing at the vague response the cowboy had for me, I slit my eyes up at him. "How much do you want to see him?"
"Is he alive?!" Having had enough of the shit and dumbass questions I raised my voice expecting to get a smack or something in return. Instead, Tex showed his teeth, giving a chuckle of amusement. It seemed to suit him more when I was fired up, when I was desperate. It lit a sort of fire in him which lit up his face and forced him to adjust his posture, the slumped out one becoming an inconvenience to him. His nails pinching five crescent moon indents around my knee cap as he held on tighter and leaned his face closer.
"In this house, we have manners." Shaking my head, I gave a sharp breath in knowing what he wanted. Furiously I could feel my cheeks heat and dry the remnants of tears. Against my holds, my fists clenched and wanted no more than to collide with his face again. I didn't care that I could hear Tink make comments, I didn't want to play anymore sick and twisted games these psychopaths wanted to play. I wanted Joel and I wanted to be as far away from every cannibal lowlife in proximity. I wanted punishment and justice on all their heads.
"Please!" Almost biting on my tongue at the sheer unwillingness to say anything remotely pleasant to him. It was almost more painful than everything else I had endured under their eyes and plans.
"That's better." Tex said plainly, "Tink, pass me a knife."
"You sure you want to cut her free?" Despite the confident request, Tink sounded more sceptical. He had been analysing me as much as I had him. "She's already gotten away from you twice now."
"If she doesn't behave herself, I'm sure I can improvise."
"Don't come crying if she kicks your ass." Was the blunt warning that came along with the passing of a small knife. Refusing to take his eyes off me in warning, Tex held out his hand and gripped onto the small metal instrument.
"You kick me and I'll be putting this somewhere really uncomfortable in your boyfriend." Feeling my chest rise and fall, I nodded. Tink, who stubbed out his cigarette against the wood of the chair beside me before tossing what was left of it on the tatted table, gripped my shoulders for good measure. The smell of tobacco lingered as he kept me still. With a rip of the clinging fabric around my legs, I moved them with heels touching the ground.
Through pins and needles, I felt the blood rushing to the location that had moments ago been cut off. I had to see some clarity in Tex's words. It sounded as though Joel was still alive and for that alone, I would behave. I'd bite back against the need to raise a leg or tackle for the knife. So long as his heart was still beating I would do as I was told if it spared him.
"That's much better, see you can be good." Trying to ignore the patronising tone that Tex took, I closed my eyes thinking only of my boyfriend. "Let's see if you can keep it up." A hand snaked across my exposed stomach caressing against the skin slowly as if seeking a reaction. I willed myself to stay still thinking of that weapon in his hand. Despite it being pocket sized, the point alone showed how sharp and well kept their kitchen knives were. I didn't want to think of Joel becoming a dartboard or board game of any kind. "And there we go." Raising my arms, it was clear that despite not being able to feel them, my wrists were freed. Tink ensured I didn't get any stupid ideas and seemed quite satisfied when I lowered my arms once more and stayed sitting until distance was made between myself and Tex.
"Good girl." Tink clapped down on me and returned to leaning on the counter, he had no intentions of coming wherever we needed to go. "Now, you just need to keep it up so we know we can leave you alone."
"If not, we have enough food for the next couple of days if we freeze some, which means we can have a little bonding time." Rolling my eyes at Tex, I scoffed but followed him knowing better than to ruin my chances now.
I had an idea on how to handle Tex, but saying what I believed to be his true name would be blatant idiocy on my part when in the company of his brother and with others presumably close by. I knew what Alfredo was capable of, what Tex was and unfortunately that of Junior who already had reason to greatly dislike me for tricking him so easily. Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice...I didn't want to think what form shame would come. Instead, I stumbled unsteadily behind the blonde who was leading the way.
"You can hold me if you like?"
"I'd rather burn."
"I knew I liked you." Nodding at me, I clicked my tongue in disgust as he held open the door with an outstretched hand returning me to the old looking corridor. With dawn beginning, the darkness was slipping away and revealing the mostly brown exterior.
"Or burn you."
"Stronger people have tried." Tex said nonchalantly about the whole idea. It would amuse him for me to try, that much was clear but he didn't see more than an attempt or the will to do so playing out. I was certainly determined for some type of revenge and he didn't doubt it, if anything he'd be ready and willing to try and prevent any further harm than a few hits.
"I'd succeed where they fail."
"Keep talking dirty. Shush, Mama is sleeping." Pointing at the next door he turned the corner before the staircase. The carpet was stained red amongst the fraying carpet, the fact it was recently looking filled me with no confidence because I knew even if it was likely to be that of the police officer's, it didn't prevent the chance it could be Joel's especially considering I could not see the doorstep to fill me with reassurance.
Unsure, how Tex knew for certain, I did as I was told. Thus far, I had managed to avoid his mother and I did not want to change that now. She would only be another obstacle in the way of getting out of here. Leading up the stairs, the knife scraped pointedly up the banister, the glint of the blade catching against the rising sun which filled the house a bit more as we moved. It was absurd how little time had passed.
Passing Alfredo's room, I tensed thinking of Sherri, the thought of her flickering in my mind. The looks of horror that had been written on her face haunting me as I shook my head slightly and limped on. Heather's room was next, the feel of bones against my hands was practically imprinted into my palms. The way I had clutched onto those skeletons to hide. Continuing on we finally stopped at the end of the corridor, past another two doors and stopped at the last. Keeping a small distance between myself and Tex, he raises a finger to his lips.
"Suppose I don't have to remind you what I'll do if you decide to start getting twitchy."
"I know." I whispered back remembering the threat all too well.
Upon getting a response, Tex lowered his head. "We'll see. Just remember, you wanted to see him." Feeling my eyebrow raise at him quizzically, he didn't answer and remained watching me attentively and pulled at the door handle opening the door of a bathroom. Stepping in as he told me: "ladies first" I held my breath; he seemed more than willing to step back and watch and I knew I would have to prepare myself. If he was threatening to stab him...sure that meant he was alive.
The bathroom was quite contained with a shower curtain pulled along the wall, a toilet and sink adjacent to it. Stepping in a bit more, I didn't need to ask and moved towards the curtains, there wasn't a noise that came from it other than that of dripping. Reaching forwards, I aimed for the flimsy material able to see the silhouette from the other side, the curtain itself not being necessarily straight due to what I assumed to be Joel's feet. I clung onto that breath I stored and made one more step. Remaining quiet was difficult knowing he was right there but I remembered the warning clear as the day that was breaking in through the window.
Clink. A gentle glass like tinkle came from my feet. Confused, I halted in my step, a bottle? More than one at that, I counted eight from a brief glance and watched as more drops of scarlet filled the milk bottles. The milk bottles themselves seemed quite full and still dripping connected through under the curtain and beneath into the bath. Feeling myself tremble and not wanting to do the maths, I briefly glanced over my shoulder to where Tex stood and despite the small distance and his head edged downwards into the material of his shirt, I could see the wicked grin that he bore. He was waiting. He was waiting.
Joel...He had waited long enough; I couldn't say how long I had been out. How long he had been here, connected to...no. I knew exactly what this was and ripping at the curtain I could feel the scream that gorged my entire being and echoing along the walls. Laying in the porcelain, eyes shut and just as pale as the marble around him, lay Joel. Arms strapped against the metal railing along with both legs separate and also propped up. The tubes connected into multiple veins that seemed more prominent with each flow of blood that left him. He was being drained.
From his arms, his feet, each place they could get a needle worthy place. Twitching feverishly and unable to move he mumbled something under his breath as I screamed again and rushed to get down to his level, to rip the tubes from him. As I tried to throw myself to him, Tex blocked the way putting himself between myself and Joel. Holding the knife in eye view, he tutted me, scolding me like a child. The knife glinted dangerously from the sun's rays.
"Lori, Lori. You need to learn to do as you're told, sweetheart."
"No!" Shoving myself against him, I wrestled for the knife as he seamlessly plunged it into Joel's chest, straight into his heart. Wailing and screaming, I tugged at Tex's arm desperately. My voice called for Joel desperately pleading with him to wake up.
Joel's body jolted and gave a harsh breath, glazed over eyes focused on mine releasing a wet bead of water from the corner of his eyes. Blue lips attempting to say something before he flopped back down, unable to bring himself back up. Ruby coloured dewdrops scarcely escaped from the weapon.
My legs trembled beneath me and folded over, pulling at Tex's arm weakly. I tried to get him to take the kitchen knife out of Joel but he kept a firm and tight grip on the weapon. He was calmly trying to explain something but it was drowned out by the awful screeching and weeping that I knew was coming from me. My face was soaking, hands trembling as I released the cowboy and instead held onto the chalk white fingers held down by tattered rope. Whatever warmth he once had faded and he was as cold as the marble. Clasping down onto his wrist, I felt the final pulse before screaming his name.
My head was splitting but I couldn't stop screaming. Couldn't prevent the pleading of his name. My vision blurred under the thick coat of tears. There had to be a way, someway.
This can't be real...not Joel. It was too much and feeling myself get pulled up, I knew despite the blur and swirl of colours who it was, he was still scolding trying to get me to focus. He was no longer holding the knife like a triumphant token. Attempting to rip myself away as my shoulders were grasped and held tightly, I refused to stop the incessant noise. All the times with Joel were flashing behind my eyes: our meeting, our first date, prom, graduation. All of it was gone in the space of a few hours.
Sherri was gone. Troy was gone. And now Joel. It was too much and the horror and grief hit me as if I had stabbed myself right in the heart. I was ready to join them and if Tex was to impale me like him then I would take it. Relief from the unbearable pain that pulsated. The breath that left me with difficulty, getting caught on each painful sob. The world was spinning, the shock was gone and the pain was unbearable choking and corroding each vein and connection I had to live. I was ready to submit to what was coming. Let it come fast. Let it end. Dear God let it end right here.