Her Heroes

Chapter Twenty-One

Dinner took what felt like hours to end. Stagnant conversations had passed from end to end the entire meal, but there was nothing for me to do or say. Instead, I focused on the internal battle that had been raging inside of my soul since I first came to the mansion. My heart said that I should trust my brothers, let them in, show them my flaws; yet my mind, the rational part, told me they weren't good enough, that they would just hurt me like everybody else. 

By the time I pulled myself from my thoughts, only Annette and I remained in the room. She was cleaning the plates off the table and smiled at me when she felt my eyes. 

"Your brothers went to finish some work." She seemed to read my thoughts as she answered my unspoken question. Nodding my head, I got up from my seat and bowed my head in thanks before leaving the room and heading for my bedroom. After taking what I wanted, I left and headed for the back door. If everyone was working, why not go and get lost in my mind until it's time for bed?

***

Stopping at a mirror before the backdoor, I smiled at myself, a true smile. I felt beautiful in the white, ankle-length, dress. The form-fitting top paired well with the flowing sleeves and skirt. I couldn't believe that my brothers had actually allowed me to get the dress. I felt beautiful with my curls flowing over my shoulders and the dress making me look like a ghost. Beneath the dress, I simple pair of sandals were strapped onto my feet for the sole purpose of getting me to my destination without any hiccups. 

Once I was outside the house, I took off, the dress flowing around my legs in a steady motion. My feet took me through the wandering paths and to the river.

The river was beautiful at this time of day. The setting sun gave it a beautiful glow and far-off mountains stood out against all. They were sharp pieces, never bowing to anyone else, what I dreamt of being, what I could've been if I hadn't been broken beyond repair.

Peeling my shoes off, I felt the ground and began a fast yet somber dance. The setting sun acted as my spotlight as I moved swiftly. My eyes were closed as I fell in rhythm with the ghost orchestra, their chords reverberating off of my soul. Dancing was always the one escape I had, it was something that I greatly cherished, something that I had always had to ground myself. 

The orchestra sped up and so did my dance. I was flying across the grass, my feet were turning and pivoting and pushing me every which way. I felt free, I felt weightless.

When the song finally ended, I was winded. The dress swayed around my legs as I took a step, trying to catch my breath. My curtsey was lopsided and I giggled, still coming down from the adrenaline rush that dancing always gave me. My feet were sore and the sky had turned black. Wiggling my toes in the cold grass I giggled again. This was something I would forever cherish, the feeling of something as minute as the grass beneath my toes at night. It was never something I had imagined before, it felt like I would die any moment with the fosters. Here though, here I felt like I had a chance of living, a chance of growing older, and a chance of having a life, a life beyond abuse and torture.

Sitting down on the grassy bank, I looked out at the river. It was beautiful, something that I wish I could forever remember. Truthfully, dancing at night or dusk was my favorite. The sounds of the night and the quietness of everything made me feel like I was the only person on the earth, that it was my stage and mine alone.

It felt like I had been sitting there for hours when I finally stood up, brushing my skirt off. It had been a good idea to wear it out here, it gave me the illusion that I was truly dancing for crowds of hundreds, or even thousands, of people. Picking my sandals up and walking out of the hidden spot, I tried to retrace my steps to the front of the house. I had never wandered this far at night alone and the paths seemed to become more and more daunting. I couldn't remember, had I gone up the left or right one to get here? Or had I simply cut through the middle?