Suicide Watch

Chapter 34

Isa POV

"You've got to stop that, Isa," Joshua says, rolling his eyes at me from his position below me on the bottom bunk. We had both snuck in here for a quick nap in between our duties today.

"Stop what?" I ask, even though I know what he's going to say.

"You need to actively pursue the stuff you want. The whole reason you're in the freaking army in the first place is cuz you tend to just go with things, or back away from things that scare you."

"The last time I checked, being enlisted in the army wasn't your number one dream either," I retort. Annoyance creeps up on me, the way it does whenever Joshua starts such conversations.

"I'm serious, Isa. You've gotta stop just going with the flow, and crawling away from things you genuinely love at the first encounter of hardship that you face. Life is worth living."

I grumble and bring up my hands to my forehead, covering my face, even though Joshua can't see me.

"You didn't tell me when you became a hippie, Josh."

Joshua groans below me and I can envision him rolling his eyes and I hear him releasing a breath of annoyance. He says nothing else, which I am thankful for.

The scene changes and I am standing in the heat outside, listening to all the surrounding yelling. There's dust all around, prickling at my eyes, but that's not the reason I'm crying this time.

I stare at Joshua's body lying limp a little distance from me. My head is blank, but at the same time, there is a pounding in it that does not seem to want to go away. I want to go away at that moment because there's nothing else I can do. There's nothing else I can even think of doing.

But I stand there, rooted to the spot. Staring as the commotion unfolds around me, tears streaming silently down my face.

I wake up suddenly, breathing shallowly and in a cold sweat. It's dim in the hotel room I'm in and I can't tell what time of the day it is. I've been here for a night already and haven't left at all. The remnants from the takeout Chinese food I ordered last night sit in the room's corner.

I ignore it as I make my way over to the bathroom. I splash cold water over my face, and even though I feel more alert, it doesn't stop the heavy feeling that has been inside of me since the moment I left Temi's apartment.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I've been sleeping nonstop for the past day but it doesn't show, as there are huge eye bags under my eyes.

I really don't feel good.

Things don't feel good.

Something isn't right. No shit. I fell in love with a girl I was assigned to be a bodyguard, and I had seen her kissing another girl.

But I really do not feel good.

I slowly take off my clothes and get into the shower. I take a cold shower, welcoming the feel of the water against my body. It's a sting, but a welcome sting. The pounding in my head seems to reduce and I feel myself slowly calm down.

Of course, my mind wanders to Temi. I think of her and wonder how she's doing. No doubt, she's not doing well. Hell, I'm not doing well.

I had immediately gone to campus security after leaving her apartment, so hopefully, they're keeping a watch on her for the time being till I contact the Agency and they send another bodyguard in my place. Now more than ever, she needs to be put on suicide watch.

I'm really not looking forward to the conversation I'll have to have with Simon, especially not after he had given me the opportunity to leave a few weeks ago. Would it have been better if I had just left back then? Would I be saving both Temi and me from all this pain right now?