Finding Caroline

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

After a day of questions and feeling confused, having my emotions mixed up and wondering about what could possibly happen next... I settled in at home. I even made coffee, something I haven't done in a very long time. Sitting there in my kitchen, waiting for my coffee to finish I began to pray for answers. "Father, it is me, your daughter Caroline, impatient, weak, confused, and worried about everything. I know I call on you a lot, but I feel as if I have no one to talk to. I honestly don't know what I am doing half the time. I am always trying to please everyone. I am twenty-three and still have not had a boyfriend, I run from everyone that tries to come close to me. I just want to know, what plans do you have for me. Where do you want me, and with who do you want me?" 

The coffee finishes, and I get distracted from my prayer thoughts and start to prepare my coffee, my cat Alfonzo jumps off my counter and scares me half to death... startled, I almost tip my coffee over. "Alfonzo!! really, you would seriously do something so cruel!!" He runs off into the living room, after giving me a glowering stare. I grab my coffee and shake my head. 

I go into my room and have a seat on my bed. Alfonzo comes in... "can you give me a second to myself Alfonzo?" I place my coffee on my side table and fall back onto the bed and take a deep breath. 

The phone rings...

I dread getting up to get it out my  purse, "who could it be?" I said. I pull it out, and it says Aunt Martha. 

"Hello." I said pleasantly. "How are you dear?" I started to panic, do I tell her what I found and what I have been thinking about all day? "Doing fine aunt Martha. Actually, I  was just about to call you." 

I let it out slowly, and grunted my teeth and bit my lip. 

"Yes, what's wrong?" She could hear the panic in my voice, like my own mother would. Being that she raised me, I thought.

"Well, I have been thinking, I need... umm, dating advice. I have never been on a date." "...and, there is nothing wrong with that dear." She said with a pleasant voice, once again. 

"Aunt Martha, I have no social life, I am always home with Alfonzo." 

I... suddenly almost shaking, going into panic grunting my teeth once more. 

"Calm down dear, it's okay, you are right where God wants you." " I know, but aunt Martha..." She, then starts to say... "I know you want a husband, and kids. It is every woman's desire, it will all happen in God's timing. Have you been reading your bible? Remember, Jeremiah 29:11. Be thankful my dear, and remember that he loves you, remember that besides all that you have been through in your life, he has never left your side. Every experience, you face it for a reason. You just have to trust him, and trust his will." 

"Yes, I understand... it just gets so hard at times. I know that, and all of it was true. I am just afraid, I guess." It then got quiet, as I waited for her to respond. 

"Look at your life, Caroline. I took you in as my daughter just a few months after you were born, knowing nothing about kids, not even able to have my own... I took you in and did the best I could, with a loving heart and patience. I took my challenge and accepted you as my daughter. Sometimes all we need is a little faith and will to see things the way that God wants us to. Everything that you face, is because God equipped you with the talent or skill to do so. You have a good life, you take good care of yourself, you have your own place, a car, and a job. The next step is coming my dear, be patient okay. I gotta go, grandma is calling me. Think about what I said okay... bye dear, love you."  

"Bye aunt Martha, thank you, I love you too." 

I put the phone away and realized that she was right. I have nothing to worry about. I began to think about mom and dad, and the story of how they met. It was an interesting story. Funny how things work and people come together. Then there is the thought of my story, I wonder if I will live to tell my kids unlike my parents dying shortly after my birth.

As the evening went on, I watched Tv with Alfonzo by my side, and happened to fall asleep without setting an alarm. The next morning, I woke up nervous and afraid, only to find out that it was only 2 a.m. 

The moon was shining ever so brightly through my window, my Tv still on and light on on my night stand. 

Something about that moment; I realized that my brother was out there somewhere, living and breathing... and we have lived these separate lives, each of us without mom and dad. Although, I was raised by aunt Martha... still he was raised by a stranger. 

Well, I guess everything is exactly the way that it is suppose to be. I can't keep thinking, "what if mom and dad were still alive?" " what would it have been like to be a family?" "would mom and dad have had more children?" 

I wonder what my brother is like...