Dangerous & Anew (Sequel to Inhaling Alongside You)✔️

Chapter Twelve: Query,Sensation&Frustration

Sacrifice. Something that many humans do daily. Whether it be for religious reasons or for love; one always makes a sacrifice. I've sacrificed a lot in my twenty-nine years of living. My childhood, my privacy, and most importantly my heart. Though I've sacrificed these, I've never really regretted it. Each led me to something beautiful, God gifted each one with a hidden blessing.

"What would you say if I wanted to make a baby, right here and now?" I whisper, my eyes glued to her reaction.

Her reaction, slow and delayed. Even still her body reacts before she can. Her eyes widen and her lips trembles for a reply. I know this is sudden, but there's something about being in this room. Being in a new home that gave me a certain hope. Then there's that lingering feeling that, I don't want to wait for our new life to unravel, I want to start now.

When her words still dodge her lips, my heart begins to slowly beat faster, not in glee but in anticipation. My wishes are nothing if she doesn't agree. My dreams mean nothing, if she doesn't dream the same.

I inhale deeply and nod, saddened in the acknowledgment that she's not ready.

"I'm sorry" I sigh even heavier.

Without waiting for a reply, I gently pull her closer into my chest and whisper many more apologies. It didn't come to me sooner. The reminder of her loosing our first child. The very child I had no knowledge of. It still pains her.

The guilt of reminding her of that wound I've presumed was healed many tears and sleepless nights ago, pulling at my heart. I thought it was healed, I prayed it would be healed. But it hasn't, I've just induced the pain.

"Michael..." She finally trembles aloud, her grip of my flannel still tight and desperate.

I uphold my grasp of her back as I force myself to answer.

"Yes babygirl?"

Slowly, her grip lessens and she dares to meet my eyes. Though her eyes withhold a threat of a veiny red, she holds her gaze.

"You really want a baby?" She swallows.

Yes.

"I don't know... Don't worry about it babygirl" I try to convince her, more so trying to convince myself.

In this moment, I feel a certain protective barrier of mine, enclosing around her. I want her happy. I need her happy. My desire to give this woman everything has strengthened. Witnessing her fragile with lingering pain, has given me a new perspective of our relationship.

Jesse and I have a lot to work on. Yes, I may want to begin our journey down the road of a wedding, children, and many other long term girls, I will have to make sure Jesse and I are on the same page. I can't be selfish.

"You want a child, that is something to worry about..." She detours my thoughts.

Her eyes are still the same as she searches mine for a decoding. Jesse knows me like the back of her hand. She knows when I'm lying or hiding, this time isn't so different.

Inhaling heavily, I guide her onto our new bed and allow her a seat on my lap as I begin to construe my true feelings on the matter.

"Yes. I do. It's just since meeting this little one in the hospital a few weeks ago. He has cancer... And he believed I could heal him if he met me... And there was something about the joy in his eyes...Jess the joy in that boys eyes... It made me think..." I a grin corners my lips as I think about the little boy.

Shifting in my lap, Jesse nods slowly and waits silently for me to finish.

"It made me think about our little Noah or Kennedy..." I finally sigh out, purposely jogging her memory.