The Magnus Archives - Full Transcript

MAG005 | Thrown Away

Recorded April 1, 2016 | Summary: Statement Of Keiran Woodward regarding items recovered from the refuse of 93 Lancaster Road, Walthamstowe.

Warning
dolls, teeth, unsanitary, body horror, privacy invasion, mental instability, vomiting, mild car accident, mild alcohol mention, injury (twisted ankle)

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ARCHIVIST

Statement of Kieran Woodward, regarding items recovered from the refuse of 93 Lancaster Road, Walthamstow. Original statement given February 23rd, 2009. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I work as a bin man for Waltham Forest Council. It's not a bad job, really, as long as you can handle the smell and the early mornings, not to mention that when winter really gets going it can be pretty unpleasant. I've had to chip ice off more than a few bins in my time, just to get them open. Still, the pay's pretty decent; at least it is once you throw in the overtime and the bonuses, and once you've done the rounds you're usually off for the day, so you're working fewer hours than your average office monkey; it's just that those hours tend to be a lot less pleasant than anything you're likely to find staring at some accounting spreadsheet.

But I didn't come here to talk about the benefits and problems of working in waste collection. At least, I guess I came to talk about one very specific problem that I encountered last year, when doing the rubbish collection for 93 Lancaster Road.

Now, you encounter weird things in this job all the time. People have an odd mental block - this idea that as soon as they put something in the bin it's gone. It's officially been made rubbish and no-one will ever see it again. The fact that someone had to take it from your bin to the landfill or the recycling centre doesn't really enter their heads, and nobody ever seems to realise that up to a dozen people might be seeing what you throw away before it finally disappears forever. But no, as far as the rest of the world thinks about it, once it's been thrown away, it's gone, far beyond all human understanding.

This leaves those of us who work in waste collection seeing kind of a strange side to humanity, but an honest one at that. If you're a bit of a boozer, there's every chance that your bin men know how much you drink better than you do, because we empty all the bottles. And yes, we do remember, and we also get quite judgemental at times, although not about the things you might think - you can throw away a mountain of grotesque porn and, as long as you've tied it into neat bundles, we're fine with it, but if you throw away cat litter without properly bagging that, you'd better believe that you've earned the hatred of every bin man that ever slung a sack. Still, I'm getting off topic.

Point is, the bag of dolls' heads didn't bother me. I mean, it was freaky, don't get me wrong - hundreds of small plastic heads, staring out of the refuse sack at me, but aside from a slight rip on the side of the black bag, they were thrown away very neatly, and were easy enough to toss into the truck.

The bag was full of them, mind. It was placed next to the green recycling bin and at first I thought that it was just a single doll with its head positioned near the tear, but when I tossed the bag into the truck the rip split, spilling forth a whole bunch of the things. At a guess I'd say there were over a hundred in there. They were made of hard, rigid plastic with that infant doll face that you seem to find on every toy like that.

Several of them had different hair moulded or painted on, so it was clear that they weren't simply from a hundred or so of the same doll. Someone had spent time acquiring a whole variety of different dolls, which they then beheaded and stuffed into the sack. They were very battered, but not with age - it looked as though someone had taken the brand new heads and dragged them over rough concrete, though I couldn't say whether they'd have been attached to the rest of the doll at the time.