Under My Skin

Chapter 1- One More Year Closer to Leaving Hell

Natalie's POV

"No! No! No! I will be good. I promise." I scream and wake up in a cold sweat.

I look over at the clock and see it's 5:00 AM. I just had another nightmare. When will they ever stop? I am 17 fucking years old and shouldn't still be scared of my past trauma. Why can't I just get over it already?!

Frustrated and tired, I get up and take a cold shower since I won't be able to fall back asleep now. It's the first day of school and that makes my mood even more sour. I fucking hate school. I hate the other students, I hate most of the teachers, principals, etc. I have been in trouble more times than I can even count. My permanent record is completely ruined. I will probably never get into college but I don't care. One way or another I am finishing high school and getting the fuck out of this stupid little town as soon as I do.

I never wanted to move here. Just because my parents died I got stuck with my grandma. My grandma-while I appreciate the fact that she feeds me, gives me a bed to sleep in, and stays the hell out of my business, she is not a very loving, warm person. She is just like my father. She is after all his mother. But at least I didn't have to go into foster care at the wonderful age of 12. So I do have to thank her for that.

After finishing in the shower, I pick out my clothes and look at myself in the mirror as I get ready. I put in my piercings. I have my ears pierced in several places, my nose, belly button, and tongue as well. I put on my clothes which consists of mainly dark clothes. Black ripped jeans, black crop top, black boots, and a black ripped sweater. I make sure my fresh ink is showing through the holes. I have 8 tattoos. Two on each arm, one on the back of my shoulder, one on my chest, one on my lower back, and one on the top of my ass. I love tattoos and piercings. As weird as it sounds, I love to feel the pain of getting them. I guess I want scars to match on the outside that I have on the inside. It's fucked up I know. But that is me. I am very fucked up.

I was able to persuade the guy at the tattoo shop very easily to give tattoos and piercings to a girl that is underaged. What a guy will do for a little sexual favor?! It's pathetic really. Men only think with one thing and that's it. I have never met a truly decent guy. Every boy my age is a douchse. They are either nerds or assholes. There is no in between. That's why I hate them. I don't care if I ever get a man. I will live alone the rest of my life and not have a care in the world.

I finish my hair and make-up. While I don't care what anyone else thinks, I like the way that I look. I do put effort into my appearance even if it's not someone else's taste. It's mine.

I head downstairs to grab some breakfast before heading out. I live a few blocks from school so I always walk. I don't have a car or a license. My grandma sleeps peacefully in her recliner while the news blares on the tv. I just chuckle and don't bother to say goodbye so I don't disturb her slumber. She's very hateful when she wakes up.

I walk down the street slowly since I have plenty of time to get there. I watch the sun peeking up over the horizon in front of me and it's truly beautiful. It's hard to believe that a world so beautiful, could be so cruel. I shake my head of my depressing thought and continue to walk. I get to school and notice all the other kids starting to flood into the entrance.

"Here goes nothing." I mumble quietly to myself as I head in the doors.

Instantly, I am greeted with dirty looks. I just smile and flip the occasional bird at the ones I really can't stand. They just look back at me with more hatred. Whatever. I don't care at all what they think.

I make it into my first class and am happy to see my one and only friend in the world Jessie. Jessie and I have been friends since I moved here. We both dress the same and act the same. She also only has one parental figure, her mom. Her dad is a deadbeat. The only difference is her mom is awesome. I am jealous of their relationship. I wish I had that with my grandma at least. But it is what it is.

"Hey! How was your trip to the beach?" I ask her.

I haven't seen her for a few weeks. She and her mom always go to the beach every year for a few weeks before summer ends. Jealous of that as well. I have never been to the beach. Jessie invites me to go every year but I can't because I don't have the money to pay my way. It's ok though. One day when I am out on my own and have my own job, I will go.

"It was amazing!! I met this HOT guy at a party on the beach. We had sex in the ocean. Sooo good!" She says with a daydreamy look on her face.

"Lucky bitch." I mutter lowly and she chuckles.

"Well it may be the only action I get for a long time so..." she says.

"I feel you. I haven't had any action in months. And that was the guy in the tat shop. Not exactly fun. Just a business transaction." I tell her honestly.

"Oh but what about your friend George over there." She says pointing in the direction of the boy that took my virginity. I see him stare back at me longingly and I throw up a little bit in my mouth.

"Eww fuck. I am never going to live that down." I say as she chuckles.

"Nope." She says.

George is the biggest nerd in school. Last year, I was failing math and I could not get my grade up. I was in danger of having to repeat my sophomore year because my other grades weren't great either. So I asked George for his help. What he wanted in return was me. I am so ashamed. I had sex with him just so I could pass. It's embarrassing and I am not proud of my actions. Not to mention I showered at-least 100 times in the days that followed. He is so gross. But he is a person and I am not the type to hate someone that has never done anything to me personally. I mean yeah he used me but I used him too. Again, a business transaction. I have never had a sexual encounter because I felt something for the other person. Kind of sad actually. I don't believe in love. It's a fairy tale. No one has ever loved me. So I just don't think it's real. I just look away and focus on the teacher as class begins.

Junior year. Bring it on. One more year closer to getting the fuck out of here.