All That Falls

34 A Court of Chaos

I fought like hell for three days.

Gemini was using my frustration at having been left out of this adventure to convince me to train even harder for the next one. But really, I was only training so hard because it was something to do that kept my mind off of what might or might not be happening in an undisclosed location within the Court of Peace and Pride. It wasn't that I didn't trust Lark or that I lacked faith in him and the others to free the gorgon and return with him. I had just learned far more about my mother in the last few days than I ever expected to and that knowledge made her presence seem as though it was looming over us always.

I feared her. Truly feared her. So much so that I thought, perhaps, I was feeling fear for the first time. And if I stopped moving for too long, gave myself too much time that wasn't dedicated to training or eating or sleeping, then I might succumb to that fear. I might let that fear pull me under and I might never emerge again.

So I fought. I fought Gemini, I fought her magic, I fought myself and my own thoughts. I fought whatever barrier seemed to keep my power away from me. I fought every little feeling that flitted through my connection with Lark as much as I craved them. They were few and far between but each one let me know he was alive. And I thought maybe he knew that, that he was sending me those little jolts of emotion to comfort me, to reassure me that everything was alright. But I didn't know that for certain. All I knew was that he was alive, because I could feel him, because I did not feel the loss of him. But I hadn't the slightest idea where he was or what state he was in. He could have been bruised and bloodied and locked in a dungeon of the palace of the Russet Throne itself.

I lost focus and Gemini used that moment to strike, lifting her hands and lashing out at me with that smoke. It blew into my face, filling my lungs, freezing them. I gasped and fell to my knees, wheezing.

"Fight it," she hissed, but I couldn't.

I just choked, tears streaming down my face, and she removed it a moment later. She let me fall flat on the floor, gulping down air.

"If you're losing focus, perhaps we should stop for the evening," she muttered, striding away from me to fetch her cup of tea on the counter.

"Where are they?" I gasped, still fighting to catch my breath.

"Who, dear?" She asked. "And breathe first. I have no interest in speaking with a fish flopping around like that."

"Them," I hissed. "Where do you think they are by now?"

"Ah, yes. Who else? Well, by my estimation, they've likely crossed the border. I don't know where your little gorgon friend might be, though, so that presents a number of problems with any further estimation."

My breathing evened and I stood, bracing myself with a hand against my abdomen, assisting myself with breathing.

Gemini had explained to me how long it might take until they returned once they'd left. Using no magic meant no shadow stepping, not even near the border. So they would have to shadow step miles out and walk in on foot. Then they would have to find Lycurgus, extricate him from whatever situation he was in, and hoof it all the way back here, undetected, with a gorgon in tow. It felt like an impossible feat and yet I knew that if anyone could do it, it was Lark. Nevertheless, that glance that Cass had given me before she'd left had haunted me ever since. It felt like the goodbye of a friend who wasn't sure she would ever see you again. It gave me goosebumps just to think about it.

I was on edge. I was jumpy. So by the fifth night, when Gemini proposed we take a stroll through town, I jumped at the chance to get out of that apartment, to let my bruises heal a little before she created more of them.