Wanted: Undead or Alive

Worst Plan Ever

Two full seconds of perfect silence were followed by a thump, a scream, three gunshots in quick succession—not from my gun—and then pandemonium.

At the sound of the thump, I hit the ground. Now, as the crash of people running into furniture and a cacophony of angry and panicked voices filled the air, I curled in the fetal position and covered my head, praying nothing vital got stepped on.

"Whore!"

"Murderer!"

"Asshole!"

"How dare you!"

Insults and accusations were hurled like darts through the darkness.

Why had I told Moose to cut the lights? Why had I asked for everyone to be assembled? At Benny's? In the freaking dark, creepy ass basement? Why did anyone go along with this? It was obviously the literal worst plan ever.

One of them made a break for it. There was a sound of heavy footsteps thudding fast against the wooden stairs. As if it were a signal, the rest of them followed, pushing and shouting as they went.

With all the noise by the stairs and none of it close by, I dared to pull out my phone and turn on the flashlight. One of the cheap particleboard end tables had been knocked over. An old brass lamp lay on the floor. Two of the couches were now catywhompus. Holding on to the edge of the ping-pong table, I pulled myself to my feet and plodded over to the stairs. The voices were growing ever more distant. Probably I should hurry.

With a massive force of will, I managed to jog up to the top and follow the noise through the house to the front door. Up here, dim sunlight filled the rooms. True Michigan spring had finally decided to assert itself and the day remained gray and leaden as if night had barely surrendered its hold.

The door was open and Kohaku was dragging his wife down the front steps, shouting at her to hurry.

Kiki was fast on their heels, flying through the air, and Marcie raced along behind. The rest of the group struggled to keep up. Fennsa Gampeg's short legs stumped along mightily as she brought up the rear.

"Fools!" she screamed. "We need to kill her! She'll turn us over to The Organization!"

"Not. If. We. Get. Out. Of. Here." Kohaku yanked on Reiko's arm with each word.

She fought him the whole way. "I'm not going anywhere with you, you lying, cheating, piece of shit."

I stepped onto the porch just in time to see Moose come around the end of the house. He drew up short and watched the ridiculous gang of humans, demons, et al stand in the driveway and argue with each other.

After a few more seconds, a red-faced, trembling Joseph Benny screamed, "You're fired! All of you!"

His wife threw back her head and cackled. She jogged over to the Rubicon and jumped into the driver's seat.

"Hey! No!" Moose lurched in the direction of the driveway and I ran to hold him back. They were insane and at least one of them had a gun. I managed to latch onto his wrist with both hands and slow him down by holding on tight and digging my heels in.

The others heard the car start, and as one, turned to look.

Price leaped out of the bushes like one of the paparazzi photographers. "No! Not that car!"

Moose stopped so fast I fell on my butt in the dirt.

But the officer's words had the opposite effect on the criminals. They scrambled like so many roaches, scuttling away from the light, fighting and clawing at each other to get inside the car. With Fenssa hanging off the back bumper and Benny's legs still dangling out the back door, Nadine Benny threw the gearshift into drive and hit the gas. There was a screech of rubber on pavement and a puff of smoke.