Forgetting Adaline

Chapter 02 - Skinny Love

"I think I'm drowning, asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell that you've created
How did it come to this?"
Time Is Running Out - Muse

Evan lets go of my hand as soon as the door leading backstage clicks shut and I make sure to drop to the back of the small group following Matt. 

I am invisible now. And hopefully I stay that way.

The hallways are narrow, dimly lit with disconcerting red lights and so covered in posters and graffiti that you can no longer tell what the original paint colour was. Still, I like it fractionally better than the club proper - the deafening music, strobe lighting and mostly naked women have sent my anxiety into overdrive. The last thing I need is to have a panic attack.

I can hear Matt speaking to the band but the thumping bass, mirroring the pounding of my erratic pulse in my ears, drowns out his words. I focus on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping up with their long, hurried strides. Short person problems. Vertically challenged. Left behind.

We arrive backstage where the band's gear had already been delivered this morning for their sound check. They don't acknowledge me so I sneak off to a quiet corner and pull myself up onto a large storage crate to wait out the night. I catch myself rubbing my hands against my thighs in a repetitive motion. Self-soothing. Anxiety. I shake my hands out; trying to rid myself of the slight tremor running through them. You're fine Addy. Just stay small.

I hear the familiar opening chords of the first song as the band begins to play. Overindulgant noise. Nails on a chalkboard.

I close my eyes and rest my head against the wall and imagine myself anywhere but here. A beachside cliff, the waves loudly crashing against the rocks drowning out all other sounds. I can almost feel the wind in my hair.