Her guardian angel (Kylo Ren fanfic)

Chapter ten : get out of my head

~Mirta's pov~

I have been pacing around the room all day.
Kylo was already gone before I woke up so now I'm just waiting for him to come back.
We haven't even done any training today.
All I can think about is the fact that my father is somewhere on this base.
I try to stay calm and not let my emotions get the best of me.
I don't want to be angry at Kylo.
I know deep in my heart he only tries to do what's best for me but I can feel Snokes presence as if someone is constantly watching over my shoulder, breathing down my neck.
I can feel his presence so clearly on this base, it feels heavy in the air.
Kylo must be able to sense it too.

As that thought pops into my head the doors slide open.
Kylo walks in and I can tell he is not in a good mood at all.
He ripped off his bandages and the cut on his face is prominent.
I can imagine how everyone has been giving him a hard time about what went down yesterday.
Rey almost defeated him and I'm afraid not everyone will let that go easily.
He always tries to keep a strong composure.
Everyone around here is afraid of him and for a good reason.
Kylo is unpredictable. He is unstable, ready to explode at any minor inconvenience.
But today I don't care. I need answers about my father and it's not my problem he has had a rough day.
He puts his helmet and gloves away in the closet and sighs while combing his fingers through his black hair.
He hasn't even looked at me once since he came in the room.
"Spit it out" He says suddenly almost making me jump.
"What?" I say while scrunching my eyebrows.
"I know there is something on your mind. Spit it out." He says again, sounding agitated.
I take a moment to think about how I should start this conversation.
"You have my father Kylo. You've been holding him here as a prisoner for days. I want to see him." I say.
He grunts and walks to the other side of the room.
I can see a million thoughts go through his mind as he tries to think of any excuses to get out of this situation.
I know he doesn't want me to see him but I just need to.
"Mirta. He is a nobody." He says.
"He is my father." I say while slightly raising my voice. I shoot him an angry look but he turns his face away from me.
He bangs his fists on the desk making me take a step back before taking a deep breath and saying through gritted teeth.
"Fine. Come with me."

As we walk through the cold, metal hallways of the starkiller base I feel my nerves grow with every step we take.
I want to see him, I need to see him but what will I say to him?
I don't want to go back home with him but I never got to say goodbye.
I have so many questions but I doubt I will get the answers I am looking for.
I mean, what is the best case scenario here?
I assume he hasn't had anything to drink for the last couple of days that he has been here.
I can't see them giving him any alcohol.
I can't remember the last time he went a whole day without a drink.
This must be tough on him.
I clench my fists, I can't believe I almost feel bad for my father not getting a drink in a few days.
My mind keeps spiralling as we get closer and closer.
What do I want from him?
I want him to embrace me in a warm hug and tell me how sorry he is for treating me this poorly for all these years.
I want him to apologise for ever laying a hand on me and tell me he's proud of me.
I want him to go home and start his life over for the better. Maybe Kylo and I can even go visit him then every once in a while.
I shake my head.
Do I really think that will ever happen?
Before I can continue dreaming about all the possible scenarios Kylo stops.
He nods to a door and I know he means that my father is in there.

I hesitate for a second, thinking about what I am even going to say before I open the door with the force.
As soon as the door opens I can see him sitting in a dark corner on the floor.
His hands are covering his face as if he has a massive headache.
He groans at the light coming in from the door I just opened.
"Leave me alone." He mumbles without looking up.
"Dad... it's me." I speak up softly.
"I don't care. I said leave me alone!" He yells out and I take a step back.
I feel tears welling in my eyes as I am getting yelled at by him once again.
I see Kylo take a step closer to me with anger in his eyes but I stretch out my arm to him telling him to stay there and he stops.
"Dad? Please look at me." I say while my voice cracks.
Suddenly he stands up, keeping himself steadied against the wall.
"When they took you I thought I would never have to look at your face again!" He screams.
"You couldn't just let me enjoy the rest of my life could ya?" He stumbles towards me quickly and whacks the back of his hand against my face.
I fall to my knees in front of him as he grabs a bunch of my hair trying to pull me back up.
By now the tears are streaming down my cheeks as I feel my face burn and uncontrollable sobs escape my lips.
Why did I think he would be happy to see me? He is suffering, he hasn't had a drink in days.
Ever since he became like this I have been reading up on people like him.
He is addicted and if you take that away from him one day to the other he will get withdrawal symptoms.
By now his skin probably feels like it's on fire, his head feels like it's about to burst and he wants to just punch his way to his next drink no matter who he hurts in the process.
Everything seems to be happening in slow motion.
I look up, tears blurring my vision as I see my father's hand grabbing my hair.
Suddenly I see Kylo.
Everything happens in a blur as I see him ignite his red glowing lightsaber and stab it through my father's chest.
All I can hear now is my heartbeat thumping against my chest.
I feel the tension on my scalp subsite as I see my dad fall backwards, hitting the hard floor.
I stay on my knees, unable to move as I feel Kylo's arms come around me.
He pulls me up and away but I pull away from his grasp.
I can hear my own cries echoing as they get louder when I kneel down next to my dad's lifeless body.
His eyes are open and blank. His face looks pale.
I look down to his chest and see a hole burnt right through it.
I grab my chest with my hand on the spot where my heart is as I feel it clench.
I stand up and turn around to face Kylo.
When my eyes meet his I see a scared and sorry expression on his face.
He lifts up his hands in defence, almost guarding himself from me as I take slow strides towards him.
I know he can see the rage in my eyes as he thinks about his options.
He knows that if I attack him he'll have to hurt me and there is nothing in this world he would hate more.
When I get a few feet away from him my face drops as my expression completely changes.
It goes from anger to pain and I collapse into his arms.
I cling onto him as he slowly wraps his arms around me again.
He rests his head on top of mine and squeezes me harder as if I can disappear any moment if he lets go.
I am angry at him, ofcourse I am.
But I know he only did what he did to protect me.
My father was a violent, troubled man.
I had hoped that he would change and be better but apparently it was too late for him...
We stand there for a while as he holds me until my crying calms down and the tears stop coming.
He lifts up my chin and makes me look at him before he says with tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry angel. I had to protect you."
I nod at him and he hugs me again before we both go back to our bedroom and fall asleep.

*the next morning*

I walk through the hallways with a steady pace as I clench my fists.
I feel anger bubbling up inside me and the more I think about how Snoke is trying to turn me against Kylo the angrier I get.
When I walked into my father's cell yesterday I sensed his presence so heavily.
I don't know how he drove my father to act that way but I know he had something to do with it.
I knew all Kylo was doing was protecting me but the worst part is...
I couldn't help but still hate him for it.
And I know it's all Snoke's doing.

I burst through the doors and when Snoke appears I don't give him a single second to say something to me before I speak.
"You need to get out of my head. I know exactly what you're doing and this ends now!
I will not join the dark side with you!"
I scream at the daunting figure on the throne.
"Oh but sweet girl, if it is working then that only means that you want it to."
He says with a smirk.
I growl and before he can say anything else I run out the door again.

I need to get my mind off things
I walk towards the training room to let off some steam.
When I walk in I stop.
All six knights of Ren are in there training, sparring with eachother.
They stop when they see me walk in the door.
"Don't mind me." I say while walking past them towards an empty corner.
"Do you want to join us?" One of the knights that I recognise as Ushar asks.
"If you don't mind?" I speak up politely.
They all look at eachother and shake their heads before they get into position, igniting their lightsabers.
"Oh, you mean like all of you against me?"
I say as I swallow. "Alright then."
They all start coming at me one by one as I try to block their attacks.
First one is Ap'lek. He tries to strike me from the side as I block it with my saber.
I push him back as I turn my saber around to hit him from the other side.
I see someone coming towards me in the corner of my eyes as I push Ap'lek away hard enough for him to hit the wall metres behind him. Next is Trudgen. He jumps up and tries to strike me from above but I kneel down on one knee and block him with my saber.
It takes all my strength to keep my saber pushed against his as he leans down his body weight onto it. His lightsaber starts coming closer and closer to my face before I slide my leg to sweep his feet off the floor as he lands on his side. I attack him from above now as he blocks my saber.
Suddenly another knight comes at me and hits the handle of their saber to my side.
I stumble aside as they try to strike me but I throw them away with the force.
I look around the room trying to catch my breath when I don't see Vicrul anywhere.
I turn around and see him storming towards me with his scythe that looks like it's made of steel. Before I can even react he whacks me over the head with it and I spin away feeling my body go limp.
The room is spinning as a sharp pain shoots through my head and the second my head hits the cold floor everything goes dark.