My Cup Of Tea

How Did We Turn Out This Way?

LUNA

Ever since I picked her up in the rain, Noah and I had become inseparable. I had decided to stick with her after I noticed Bryan continued to bother her after that day. A couple weeks after that rainy fiasco, I brought it up to her.

"What did he ask you anyways?" I wondered, looking up at school hallway ceiling as we walked to class. "Wait! Was it a confession?" I joked, pretending to be nosy. I didn't have to pretend that hard, I realized, as the words came out more curiously than I had meant. Noah shrugged the question off stating she didn't know. It made sense. I'm sure anyone would find it difficult to focus if they were being rained on. But something in me just had to know, so I pressed. "You mean... it's a one sided love?" I exclaimed, realizing that maybe this why he continued pestering Noah afterwards. She gave me a look that could shoot daggers, and I put my hands up in peace. "I'm joking! It's a joke, haha..." we kept walking to class together, and I threw my arms over my head as I watched her from behind, giggling when her bouncy hair reminded me of a bouncy golden retriever.

Noah is tall, smart, pretty... I could see how Bryan would fall for her. I recalled the images of her running her hand through her wet hair at the cafe, her clothes drenched and pressed against her skin, her glasses laid on the coffee table. The image of her bare face, her eyes smiling warmly at me. The way her pink lips twisting indecision before settling into a smile. Thoughts from back then flickered through my mind, and her words played on repeat:

"You don't have to compete for my attention. You already have it."

I stopped walking to slap my cheeks, and Noah paused to look back at me. "You okay?" She asked worriedly. "Your cheeks are all red-"

"I'm fine! Great, actually!" I cut her off, starting to take large steps ahead.

"Hey, wait up!" She complained, but I heard nothing as I pinched my cheeks.

"Definitely not a golden retriever." I muttered as I buried my reddening face into my hands.

This girl seems so serious, but geez...

She's seriously hot! No wonder Bryan fell for her!

As time passed, our routines became intertwined and gradually cemented. Halfway into our junior year, we were walking home together religiously, having sleepovers, and had met each other's families. I had never met someone like her. Noah was cool, calm, and witty. She was very serious and intimidating when you first meet her, but her personality blossomed once she warmed up. As time progressed, I also came to learn that she had this inner softness to her. Her kindness, when she chose to express it, knew no bounds.

I still believe that her empathy is the root of all her issues.

She opened up to the wrong people, offering more than she ought to give. She overextended herself, often. She burned out, often. Her last heartbreak was the worst I had ever seen her. From the little she told me and the girls, her partner was the type of person that always needed help. Just hearing about him irked me, and I couldn't stand to hear about how he treated her.

Towards the end of our junior year, Noah suddenly skipped school for a week. When I visited her to drop off that week's homework, her twin brother opened the door, giving me the heart attack of the century with his ghastly appearance.

"Shhhh!" He pleaded, before pointing to the couch. And there lay Noah, sound asleep as she lay nuzzled in blankets on the couch, anime playing softly from the TV. As the lights from the TV reflected off of her face, I could see her cheeks were stained with dry tears. Her older brother scratched his patchy beard, his golden curly hair unkempt and his eyes sunken from how much he worried over her. "She finally fell asleep."

I never knew Noah could become depressed that way. In my eyes, she was the strongest person I knew. She was resilient, fiercely loyal, and the kindest friend I ever had. Yet, watching her become heartbroken made me feel terrible. I felt saddened that she was wrecked by this romance, of course. But that's not why I felt guilty.

I was secretly glad her and her boyfriend didn't work out. While they dated, I'd respect them and gave them space. But their breakup meant Noah could go back to spending more time with me.

What harm was there in feeling this way, I decided? And sure enough, within the next few weeks, things resumed to normal. Her ex faded into the past like a bad dream. As our senior year approached, I could tell that we were on the same page when it came to enjoying every moment we had together, as if it'd be our last. This was the way things were supposed to be, the way things should always be. Yet this too, had a time limit. Deep down, we both knew that once it was time for college, we would go our separate ways.

"How am I supposed to live without you?" I whined to Noah during college admission week.  Before I knew it, we were more than halfway through our final year. Noah, Melody, Sally and I had saved all our college letters to open them together in class. I threw myself onto Noah's lap and sat on her thick thighs. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, rocking myself back and forth as I continued complaining, "I don't know if I can go on!"

"Oh, quit it," Noah responded coldly, swatting me away. "We both applied to universities in the same region, so we'll still be able to see each other every now and then." I pouted as I looked up at Noah.

Her slender neck and long eyelashes were gorgeous. But it was the way her eyes shot me down that made me excited. It would've been enough to make anyone shrink. Anyone, except for me of course.

"Don't be like that Noah," I whispered. "I know you're just acting unbothered." I caressed her cheek and we locked eyes. "You can say that you'll miss me, you know." I teased, and for a second, I saw something flicker in those beautiful golden eyes. I was thrusted onto the floor in seconds, and our friends laughed as I patted dust away from my skirt. "Hey!" I yelped.

"Let's get on with it." Noah mumbled. She turned her chair away and began to tear open the envelopes. I smiled as I saw her ears redden.

I sat across from her and continued to pout as we opened our letters together, curious classmates surrounding our tables. I had been one of the top students of our grade for three consecutive years, whereas Noah had been a diligent student for four. So even the teachers were openly curious about where they thought we'd end up.

The class yelled once when they saw our first rejection. They roared in unison again when they saw the second. I looked up nervously at Noah once we got through the third rejection letter. Melody and Sally were rejected in the first letters they opened, but had gotten into the second and third schools they applied for. Noah and I locked eyes when we held the last college admission letter in our hands. We nodded in camaraderie, and I still remember the way the entire class erupted when we realized we had been rejected by every single college... save for the most prestigious one - Linpin University.

I felt the tingly shock creeping onto my face, but when I looked over at Noah, I remember her expression surprising me even more so. I sat back down across her desk and pinched her cheeks. "Careful," I joked, knowing that the reason for her expression must have been the same reason I felt over the moon. "This creepy smile might scare some people away."

We were so excited to continue being together back then. I recalled feeling so... so reassured. The gods blessed us by keeping us together. We wouldn't be alone, because we'd have each other.

So how...

I looked over at Noah while we sat across from each other at a Linpin University event. I watched her from across the table as drinks flowed heavily amongst all our classmates. She avoided eye contact with me completely.

How did things turn out this way?