Penalty Kill

Harper

It's always when a few things start to look up that life finds a way to sucker-punch you right in the stomach to put you neatly back into your place.

While in reality it's only been a few days since I last saw Jake when he got back from his string of away games, it feels like months. Someone at the library quit, meaning I've had to pull double duty on shifts, meaning I've been up early and home very late for the past several days. Both Felicia and my mom have been unreachable-the former due to craziness at work, the latter due to, well, I wasn't quite sure.

My mom has been acting slippery recently, and I've been having a hard time figuring out what's going on with her without physically being there to see with my own eyes. I'd try calling a few days in a row, and then she'd tell me she misplaced her phone, or left it at home, or lost track of time and forgot to call back.

All of these excuses are incredibly unlike her. Add in the fact that she's told me a few times over the last couple of months that she's been to the doctor due to some "aches and pains", and I'm becoming more and more suspicious that something is going on that I don't know about. Whenever I press her on it, she's adept at changing the subject or brushing it off like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

I want to trust her, as one should when their mother tells them something. But there's something in the way she's so quick to move past my questions that's been slowly eating away at me. I tried calling her again this morning on my way into work, and got her voicemail after a few rings. That had compounded my already sour mood. I was tired, hangry after getting up too late for breakfast at home, and frustrated with the lack of being able to talk with the two most important people in my life.

Felicia has been swamped at work ever since she's come back from visiting her family in Canada. She works in finance, whatever the hell that means, and apparently there was a lot of buying, trading and/or selling going on that required her attention for 12 plus hours a day. My best friend never ceased to blow my mind with how successful she'd become.

And she's worked her fucking ass off for it. Her family wasn't well off, and she relied heavily on getting scholarships and grants in order to attend an ivy league school and earn a degree. Now, she's taken up an executive role at an investment firm-becoming the first woman in a leadership role in the company's history. It's a smaller firm, and they hadn't had many women attempt to climb the ranks before Felicia came on board.

She has what I like to call the three S's: smarts, sexiness and singleness. When she talks about her work, I'm lost. The amount of intelligence she possess truly amazes me when she rattles off something nonchalantly about stocks or bonds or the state of the economy. She's also hot as hell, and she knows it. Hence the single part of her S trifecta.

Felicia hasn't had a serious relationship since I've known her. She doesn't like the idea of being with someone for too long, and she enjoys getting to know different people for a while before moving on and seeing what else is out there. She's never gotten attached to anyone, and she's always upfront with her intentions and needs. It's allowed her to travel the world, experience incredible adventures, and have a damn good fucking time.

She knows who she is with every fiber of her being, and she fucking owns it.

I, on the other hand, second guess myself nearly every second of every day. That very characteristic is what has me currently dragging my feet through the longest day I've ever experienced. I haven't been able to get a hold of Felicia or my mom outside a few texts here and there, and I've been desperate to try and process all my uncertainty with either of them.

I'd like to ease some of raging thoughts in my mind before going to the game that I'm still not one hundred percent sure I'm actually going to tonight. Felicia is 80% sure she can make it, and I'm trying to convince myself I should go, and that it will, in fact, be fun.