The Way We Burn

Seven: Sully

"Earth to Bennett. Come in Bennett."

I snapped out of my daze and met the gaze of my ex-wife from across the table where we sat. "Uh, sorry. What did you say?"

We met for coffee at least once a month. It would probably sound weird to your usual divorced couple, but we were friends. Things never got that bad between us. We just realized we were better off as friends than being married. Now, six years after the papers were signed, here we were. I knew her husband, her kids. Once in a while we'd all have dinner together. It was nice. It felt right. It worked.

Chelsey let out her trademark melodic laugh and shook her head, taking a sip of her oat milk something or other latte as she gave me a chastising look. "What is going on with you? I've never seen you this spacey."

I scoffed and then sighed and then shook my head. Fuck, my emotions were just as jumbled as my thoughts as I stared into the mug of black coffee sitting between my hands. "I don't even fucking know at this point."

I had been nearly two weeks since I denied Gigi's offer of a drink, and if I was being honest, it had fucking wrecked me. I had thought about nothing else since I walked away from her that afternoon. Even the three days I spent in Chicago with my mother for Christmas hadn't pulled me out of the funk that I had admittedly put myself in. Nothing I did, no amount of work or gym sessions or feeble attempts at fucking meditation could dull the mental image of those sad, ice blue eyes. That look fucking haunted me: watching the sparkle dim as I turned her down, the sight of her jaw tightening, her shoulders squaring off as if she was building a physical wall to protect herself. I felt like the biggest asshole to walk the face of the Earth. I'd thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was saving us both, but the more time that passed, the more my own heart felt the dull ache of my refusal, the more I wondered if I even knew what the right thing fucking was.

"Ben," Chelsey began. I looked up at her, hearing the name that only she called me. She'd always been the only one I allowed to call me it. I had been Sully my entire life, all through military, at the fire station. But she called me Ben the instant we met, and it just stuck. Her honey-gold eyes were dewy with concern. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and cleared my throat. "I don't even know how to answer that right now, Chels. My head's a mess."

"About what?"

I swallowed hard, nerves lighting up in my belly like a hoard of fireflies. There wasn't a soul alive that knew the thoughts I was having about Gigi, the feelings that she was stirring up within me. Hell, I wasn't sure I'd ever mentioned a woman, other than the ex-wife across from me, to anyone. I hadn't had a relationship, or even feelings big enough that it seemed necessary. But with Gigi... I wanted to. I needed to get all of these thoughts and nerves out. And Chelsey was probably the only person I trusted not to judge me.

I licked my lips as I nodded, telling myself that I needed to tell someone. "There's this girl..."

Chelsey instantly squealed, clapping her hands excitedly and drawing the eyes of a few of the nearby tables in the coffee shop. "You're seeing someone?!"

"Not exactly..."

"You like someone," Chelsey corrected, her once worried expression now bubbling with joy. I sighed and tried to hide the laugh her sheer exuberance brought out of me. "Oh my god, you're blushing! It's so fucking cute!"

"Jesus," I chuckled, scratching my fingers through the shadow that lined my jaw. "Chill a bit or I ain't telling you shit else."

"Fine, fine," Chelsey retorted with a roll of her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm excited, okay? You literally never talk about the women you date."