The Story of a Tattered Mind (ongoing)

Chapter 2

The first time I saw Benjamin in person, I was walking out of the freshman hallway to head towards my last class of the day: Health Occupations.

I didn't quite like that class, nor did I completely dislike it, either. The one reason I truly signed up for it was to make my mom proud of me. She was a nurse and I thought if I could be just like her, she'd be overjoyed. I was excited when I first began attending the class. There was so much about the healthcare world I could begin learning. But as the semesters rolled on, I realized just how much I could not stand the sight of blood, albeit fake, and other bodily fluids, also not real. They made me woozy and lightheaded, and my stomach tightened and knotted uncomfortably.

So, I was dreading that class. I was beginning to do unwell in it and I knew if I didn't put more focus and attention onto it, Mom would have a fit. My dad would have also, but he wouldn't have screamed at me like Mom would've. With Mom, not only did I get the third degree from her when I shedded disappointment, but I was also teamed up on because my stepdad always had her back.

That made me feel worse.

Benjamin and I had been conversing daily for about a week. We talked about everything and anything. I was beginning to not care if he was a catfish or not. Talking to him helped me forget about all of my adolescent problems and the slight bullying I endured. He kept me distracted.

When I saw him for the first time in passing, I had to do a double take. But upon further review - Yup, it was him. It was Benjamin Eaton in the flesh; the guy that I was beginning to grow a crush for, whether I had processed those thoughts or not. He looked taller than I imagined him to be even though I had gotten all of his feature descriptions via Facebook Messenger. His eyes were a deeper brown under the bright fluorescent lights of the school hallway. He wore a pair of jeans that sagged, which the belt he had looped through should have helped. He had on a black shirt with skulls printed in perfect pattern.

Walking past him was like a scene from a movie. Girl and guy make eye contact; girl's heart rate quickens and her cheeks burn red; guy eyes her up from her toes to her face; girl smiles and waves shyly.

Guy completely ignores her.

And then time begins to pass normally.

I was completely stunned. So much so that I tripped over my feet and nearly faceplanted onto the dirty tile. As I caught myself, I avoided looking around to make certain no one saw me because telling by the stifled giggles and gasps that sounded around me, I knew my clumsiness was unavoidable.

More embarrassed than ever, I rushed to health occupations. By the time I got there, because it was literally on the opposite side of the abnormally large high school, I was out of breath and panting like a dehydrated dog. But to save myself from even more embarrassment for the day, I pretended like my lungs didn't feel as if they were going to explode and took my seat in the back of the classroom.

While I sat and tried to regain my composure, I thought of Benjamin and how he acted like I was a complete and total stranger to him. We talked every day – first thing in the morning, throughout school, after school, and then well into the late night. Sometimes we talked for so long, I'd fall asleep without saying goodnight. And in the morning when I'd wake up, I would be greeted with a "good morning."

It really had made me think (as my teacher was droning on and on about different types of bloods and why they're different)... Was I being used? I mean, clearly Benjamin wasn't a catfish. I saw him with my own eyes. I was pretty certain I even saw a glimpse of realization flicker in his. He knew who I was, yet he pretended as if he never saw me in his life...

I knew it was too good to be true.

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Benjamin Eaton: Heyyyy