Drown

5. Anything

"On July 4, 1919, this boxer from Manassa, Colorado defeated Jess Willard to win the world heavyweight title."

"Jack Dempsey," Vince says after biting on his nails.

"Joe Santino?" The contestant is nervously scratching his chin, his eyes fluttering around.

"No, I'm sorry. The answer is Jack Dempsey."

Vince shakes his head. "I fucking knew it. You're blowing it, Isaac. Blowing it." I'd soon realized Vince liked to watch Jeopardy, and even more, he liked to chide the contestants. I had never known someone who actually knew the answer to 9/10 of the questions asked, but he did.

He adjusted his baseball cap, twisting it so it was backwards, and drummed on his knees as he watched the screen. He had a shitty TV sitting on a flimsy table on his back porch and we both would slouch down on our respective lawn chairs (His was what he called "pukey green," mine was a plain white), and watch. Well, he would watch. I would watch him.

He looked away from the TV for a second, his eyes meeting mine as I tried to avert my gaze. Wasn't quick enough. Kept staring at him.

He smiled at me. The afternoon sunlight caught the flecks of gold in his dark eyes.

I forgot how to breathe.

***

We spent a lot of time sitting on the hood of his car, in the parking lot of a gas station. He'd buy a huge soda, and share it with me. The first time he bought it, I waited outside for him, scuffing my converses on the curb, and he came out with barely contained excitement. His lips kept tilting upwards.

"What," I said. "What did you do?"

He grinned with laughter in his eyes and said, "Try."

I sipped, cautious and suspicious.

My face made him burst into sudden and loud laughter.

"I call it swamp juice," he said. Twisting his baseball cap backwards, a bead of sweat dribbling down his hairline, he took a sip from the soda while I still held it between my hands. His sudden closeness made me breathe weird; heavy and too quick. I wipe the condensation from the soda cup onto my jean cut offs. "I just mix all the sodas together. Bam. Swamp juice."

"That is disgusting," I said, decidedely, even as I lifted the drink to my lips and sipped again. His laughter was loud enough to make warmth spread through my stomach, and soon enough, my own laughter had me tilting my head back, and smiling at the open, open sky.

The stars were out.

***

I did go home, though I tried to stay away. My mother would still be in her safe place of blankets, I would still try to make her eat. A routine I was already used to.

"Mom," I said, a plate of food in hand. No response.

"Mom."

"Mom."

"Mom."

"Mom."

"Mom, please."

The silence in the room was loud to my ears. Slammed the plate down on her nightstand. Through the blankets, I could see her flinch. I apologized. The resounding silence made my mouth taste bitter.

I left the room.

***

The first time I see Vince dressed up is when he's taking me to a diner across town. It's not a date, because he didn't say it was. I still spend an hour on my hair. Even longer on my makeup.