The Red String | ONC 2024

13. Admina's Secret

Admina sat in her dimly-lit chambers, staring down blankly at her candy-apple nails. The only illumination came from a small lamp that cast a pale, somewhat gloomy glow over the reds and blacks of the room. She could have turned on another lamp, but she preferred the dreariness. She did some of her best sulking when the light was minimal.

Admina had successfully managed to orchestrate a small accident for Logan and Emma— not that it was particularly hard. But somehow, it just wasn't as satisfying as she'd hoped. Oh, she did enjoy the crunching sounds. And the little mishap had brought them together, that much was true. Since then, the two of them had spent almost every lunch period together— even if the ever-present best friend always seemed to be lurking annoyingly nearby. Admina still didn't understand why Logan and Emma didn't simply go off and leave her behind. But maybe that was coming; maybe they really were getting closer— they'd even attended a basketball game together. Admina should have been happy about that. It was the first time the two of them had spent together outside of school since she'd started studying them. At least, the first time where she hadn't conveniently arranged for it. But her success was tainted by recurring thoughts about what Hiari had said as she'd stormed out of the Viewing Room.

That secret of yours? The one you don't want to acknowledge? You can't hide it from us. We all know who you really are.

Who she really was.

She'd been fully aware that they knew her secret. Or, they thought they knew her secret. It was the one thing she always tried to brush aside— the one thing they all thought she was trying so unsuccessfully to hide. It was too bad her secret wasn't the thing everyone around here thought. Her secret was so much worse.

Admina had always done her best to be be worthy of the title Goddess of Love; she'd organized countless matches over the years, from the lowliest of peasants to the finest kings and queens. Most of those pairings had been quite successful. So what if she'd caused a few wars— everyone made mistakes, didn't they? She was sure that, on the whole, she'd done much more for love than against it.

But there were two sides to every coin, Admina knew. It was what Hiari had been trying to warn her about again. But she didn't need lessons from him on balance. She understood perfectly well that being a god of light also meant he was a god of dark. He couldn't very well be the kind of being who only gave light without the power to take it away, could he? What kind of god would that be? But the balance between light and dark that Hiari always had to strike was nowhere near as complicated as the one between love and hate.

Admina didn't like to think of her job as involving hate. Hate was such a nasty word, with so much negativity behind it. That's why she had made the decision to ignore that side of the spectrum entirely. Apparently, her newfound take on her job hadn't gone unnoticed— Hiari hadn't been the only one to comment on it. Actually, most of the pantheon seemed to have an opinion, and she was constantly dodging unsolicited advice. She'd tried pretending to be receptive, but each time it got harder to fake even a basic politeness.

The problem was, none of them knew her real secret. It wasn't that she refused to acknowledge her status as a Goddess of Hate. She knew they all thought she shunned those responsibilities because of the shameful nature of her powers. At least, that particular part of them. They never actually came out and said it; they were either too polite or too afraid to be that direct. It was true that she did have a bit of a temper at times, even she could admit that. But despite everyone trying to be subtle, it was obvious in the way they'd stared. And now that they'd started hinting it directly to her face, it was almost impossible to ignore.

But her real secret wasn't that she was a goddess of hate or that she was embarrassed about her so-called shameful powers. No, her secret was that she was terrible at her job.

Oh, she made out like she could tell when two humans were in love and just needed a little extra push. But the truth was, she had no idea. She could sense the passion between two people— and sometimes, between three people. But she could never quite tell what direction it was swinging in. Were two people yelling at each other because they hated each other or because they loved each other? Were they planning a murder or a wedding? It was almost impossible to tell. Whenever she thought she'd figured it out— the rules that said what was a love feeling and what was a hate feeling— some new human would come along and throw everything she thought she knew out the window. Her two most recent humans were no exception.

Still, this was the first time she'd really begun to question her skills at this job. Sure, she'd had nagging doubts in the back of her mind for eons. But this was different. This was supposed to be nothing more than two horny teenagers who were both single. If she couldn't get them to fall in love, what good was she?

Admina sighed to herself; she was going to be demoted for sure.

She could just picture it now. She'd be stripped of her title in front of everyone; there'd be whispers about what a shame and who would have thought. If she was lucky, they'd let her start her apprenticeship over again. If she was unlucky, they'd cast her out altogether. She wondered if she'd at least get to keep her divine status. They wouldn't take that from her, would they?

Admina stood up, pacing the room. She needed to take action. But what kind of action? Clearly, she didn't know the first thing about what she was doing. Was there someone she could ask?

No.

Not if she wanted to keep her job. If she told anybody, she'd be destined to a life of ridicule and contempt. Or even worse— pity. There was no way she'd be able to endure that.

Still, it wasn't all lost. Homecoming was next week, and the two were still planning on going together. This little romance might not have been going exactly the way she'd planned so far, but it could still change; she still had a chance. All they'd have to do was have their fateful first kiss under the swirling lights of the dance floor. Then, they would see. True love would blossom after all. She just had to sit back and wait. She just hoped that this would work.