June 16, 2015
"Nat, what the hell are you doing? Why aren't you in here watching this?"
This really threw me for a loop. No one had ever yelled at me for working. But, my boss sounded frazzled, so I set down the manuscript I was reading and I followed him to the break room. And he was right. I needed to be there for this.
"I'm Donald J. Trump and I'm officially announcing my candidacy for the next president of The United States. Let's give 'em hell."
My mouth hung agape. "You've got to be kidding me."
"No, no," my boss Charlie assured. "This is really happening. It's the beginning of the end."
"But, I think we're going to be okay," I replied. "No one in their right mind is gonna vote for that oversized oompa loompa." Little did I know that no one in the Midwest is in their right mind.
"I don't think it's that simple, Nat. I think he's going to buy the presidency."
"He's gonna have to. He hasn't helped anyone but himself his entire life. He was born, insulated by money and power. He earned nothing. He just got lucky."
"You really don't think he's helped anyone?"
"Well, I guess that's not entirely true; he helped Kevin McAllister find his way at The Plaza Hotel in Home Alone 2, but I think that's about it."
Charlie arched his eyebrow. "How do you remember shit like that? I swear, your brain is just fucking ridiculous."
"I really can't explain it. Things just kinda stick."
"That's incredible. I've never met anyone who can commit so much to memory and instantly recall it. Are you sure you're not a cyborg?"
"You'll just have to trust that I'm not. Because, if I am, well, let's just say the human race is super-screwed."
"Yeah, if you were a machine, you'd probably be Skynet."
I touched my finger to my nose and winked.
Charlie cracked a small smile. "So, you excited about New Haven?"
"Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding me? It's Yale. How could I not be excited? I'm just hoping I don't blow the opportunity."
"You won't, kid. If you do, I'll kick your ass. That's not a threat. It's a promise."
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "I believe you whole-heartedly. I'll make you proud. Pinky swear."
"Attaboy. Did you schedule a meeting with Norah Mason?"
"She's the Head of Special Admissions, right?"
"Yeah, she said she proctored your placement exam."
"Older lady, curly hair?"
"That's her."
"Yeah, I vaguely remember her."
"Make sure to really think about everything she advises. She's truly brilliant."
"I'll take any guidance I can. I'm so scared I'm gonna go there and embarrass myself."
"Stop it, Nat. Just go in there and do your thing. It'll be enough. You have my word."
"I'll do my best."
"Your best is enough."
"Whew. I thought you were gonna give me the Sean Connery speech from The Rock."
"Huh?"
"You know, Nic Cage says he'll do his best and then Connery comes back with: 'Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.'"
"Seriously, kid. You just did it again. Did you watch that movie recently or something?"
"Oh, no. It's been at least a decade."
"I swear, if I could do what you can do, I'd probably figure out a way to use it for evil."
I cracked a mischievous smile. "Are you so sure I haven't?"
"Touché, kid. Touché."
Trump just finished his painstakingly long speech which he didn't write, yet completely embellished. "Let's Make America Great Again, people!"
Charlie shook his head. "It's always been great for rich white people. It's the rest of us that are screwed."
"True story. And this is just beginning. The tide has only started to rise."
"And we're all going to drown, like the third-class passengers on The Titanic."
"Well, before I go, I'm gonna make it a point to nail Kate Winslet in the backseat."
"I can't say your ambitions are all that surprising, Nat."
"I'm just such a sucker for redheads. It's a problem."
"Not if that redhead is Rose Dawson."
"That's a fair point. Touché."
