CHANGE

Chapter 4

When I woke up the next day, I felt horrible. I had to be at work early in the morning. I had this habit of not putting myself first enough and still going to work when I felt sick. There were no rules against it. I knew that there should have been. That was how you got everyone else sick.

Feeling like hell, I got myself dressed and ready for the day ahead. My throat hurt very badly, so I didn't eat that much. I made a mental note to stop at Walmart on my way home.

When I got there for my shift, there was no order to things as usual. I bit my tongue and did what I was supposed to do the best I could. I worked with what I had. It was me and a new hire while the manager was late like she was every day. That left a lot of responsibility on me. I did what I could do, and not feeling up to any of it at all.

After work, I drove to Walmart. I picked up some things from the cold medicine aisle. I walked around for a bit. I had to make sure I got everything I thought I needed. I made my way to the self-checkout when I was sure I had everything that I would need.

The drive home was hard. I was tired. All I wanted to do was lay down. It was at times like these I missed having someone help drive me around. I knew I couldn't do that, though. I was an adult. Adults didn't have their parents drive them everywhere they went. Plus, my mother drove us when we went and got takeout on the weekends.

When I got home, my mother took one look at me and could tell I was not okay. What annoyed me was her main concern was my going to work in the morning. I felt like I could collapse. Maybe she didn't realize how bad I felt. I looked at her with a disbelieving look. I wanted to yell at her. I didn't have the energy.

Stomping my way upstairs, I got undressed and hopped into the shower. I knelt and let the hot water pour over me. It only lasted about ten minutes. The house was very old. The hot water only stayed hot for a little while. This was another thing that I didn't like about living here. That and the tub always backed up easily.

When I got out of the shower, I dried off and put on my night clothes. I was tired and not hungry. I went to bed without dinner that night.

                                 #

When I arrived at work the next day, I told them first thing I was not going to be staying the full day. The manager — Mary — was not happy to hear that. I didn't care, though. The truth was she wasn't even the manager. She was just someone they dumped everything on. That way, they wouldn't have to pay someone.

The new manager they recently hired told me that was fine. Her name was also Mary. That left us confused. It was also known that the owner — Jacob — had only hired her out of spite. The original Mary had told me they had gotten into a fight. I was naïve. I didn't know why I let myself get caught up in gossip. I even did a little of it behind people's backs. That was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn in life: learning the lesson of keeping my mouth shut.

I had a temper that got me into trouble a lot in my workplaces. It was like I couldn't control myself even though I knew better than to challenge people so much. There was just something that came over me. I couldn't control it most of the time.

I wondered if I needed to go to the doctor. I was burning up. Everything ached all over. The drive home was hard, but I managed. I quickly made my into the house. Tonight, my stomach couldn't handle food. Plus, I couldn't taste anything. I went straight to bed.

                                 #

When I woke up in the morning, I felt like I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. I knew I wasn't going to work at that moment. I brushed my teeth. I went back to my room and grabbed my phone. I called Mary Two to let her know that I wasn't going to work.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hi," I croaked.

"You're not coming to work."

"Well," I said. "I threw up."

"Yeah," she continued on. "Definitely not coming in."

The conversation was a short one. Even if I wanted to go into work I couldn't. I walked downstairs. I was going to tell my mother I would be home for the day. She was sitting on the couch in her usual spot.

"I'm not going to work today," I breathed out. "I am staying home today."

"Oh," my mother said, giving me a look. "Why is that?"

"I've been getting sick," I responded tiredly.

My mother didn't say anything. That annoyed me. Just once, I wished she would ask me if I was alright. You could clearly see I wasn't, but it would be nice to hear my mother say something in care for me. Maybe actions spoke louder than words. Her body language was unmoving.

I went back upstairs and crawled back into bed. I did not feel good. I thought back to a time I had been so sick but still went to work. I had almost fainted. Or felt like I could pass out.

Flashback

I was working the first job I had ever gotten. I woke up feeling so much pain in my side. Instead of telling anyone, I decided to tough it out. I walked downstairs, where my brother was making breakfast. It was a Sunday, and he was home from work today. I sat down in the big black chair in the living room to watch him.

He started making random conversations. I could barely pay attention. There was so much pain. I just smiled and acted like everything was normal.

My mother and I got in the car when it was time to leave. I was dreading every moment of it. I was a little concerned about what I could do at this point. Deep down, I knew it was too late. My mother pulled up to the mall. I took a deep breath, and we got out of the car. My mother liked to sit down inside the mall in the chairs not too far away from where I worked.

Why, you ask? Because she could be called a helicopter mom. she liked to stay on top of everything her children did. I didn't think much of it. I couldn't drive just yet. I had to work out getting my license in time. It would be nice to drive myself places one day. Have the freedom to go wherever I wanted.

"Okay," I muttered to my mother as she sat at her normal table. "I work till seven tonight."

My mother nodded and pulled out her newspaper. She liked to read them to pass the time.

I walked slowly into the store, every moment feeling like agony. The shift was good money to work — eight hours. I got paid very little. That was why I didn't want to call in sick. This was my first longer shift.

My manager greeted me when I walked in. There was something about the women I worked for. They were all always off around me. Some may call me paranoid. No one really talked to me much when I worked. I felt very lonely overall. I was totally out of my element working in retail as my first job. I had never been a people person. I grew up very sheltered. I didn't know how to talk to people. My first job being in retail sales, I didn't know what I'd been getting myself into.

Standing up front to greet people like I usually did when I worked, I was breathing heavily. The pain was only getting worse not better.

I don't know how I did it, but I somehow made it through the pain. I stayed the entire shift. I regretted it after. I was so tired and so weak. All I wanted was to go to bed.

Staring up at the ceiling, thinking about that night still haunted me. That was another one of my health incidents that happened having to do with work. Thankfully, this time was just a cold.

Or so I thought. . .