Is this a parody of the S3 E43a transcript that I found on the SpongeBob Squarepants Wikipedia? Maaaaaaaybe...
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Crosshair: [hands Reg #1 his tray of food] Here you go, sir: fifteen Kaminoan Burritos with the works, and a bowl of filthy soup.
Reg #1: Thanks! [walks off]
Crosshair: Stupid reg. [Reg #1 comes back]
Reg #1: Pardon me?
Crosshair: [holds up a bottle] You forgot your sauce. [sets it on Reg #1's tray]
Reg #1: Thanks! [walks off and sits at his table]
Crosshair: Look at them eating that garbage. [Reg #1 bites into his food] It's disgusting. They're sickening! I hate soup.
Omega: [laughing from the kitchen window] Good one, Crosshair.
Crosshair: Good what?
Omega: Like you don't know. Saying, [imitates Crosshair] "I hate soup." [normal voice] That's hilarious! Everyone loves the soup here! Even Echo!
Crosshair: Yeah, well, not me.
Omega: [silence, chuckles] You're good at that. [jumps on top of the counter] Hey, everyone! Crosshair says he doesn't like soup. Ha!
[Everyone laughs]
Reg #2: Oy, that's a real knee-slapper!
Crosshair: Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
Omega: [starts to stir soup in saucepan] Sorry, Crosshair, it's just so funny. You know what we say. [all the regs appear in the kitchen]
THE ENTIRE GOSH DARN G.A.R.: The only people who don't like the soup here on Kamino are people that haven't had it! [they all disappear]
Crosshair: That's me. Never had any, never will.
[Omega drops a stack of bowls on the floor after hearing Crosshair, in shock.]
Omega: What?
Crosshair: What?
Omega: [puts her hand around her ear and leans close to Crosshair] What? What did you say?
Crosshair: I've never had soup and never will.
Omega: I'm sorry... I don't...
Crosshair: I've never had the soup here.
[Omega puts her glasses on and takes out an Aurebesh dictionary]
Omega: Those words. Is it possible to use them in a sentence together like that?
Crosshair: I've never had soup. I've never had soup. I've never had soup!
Omega: [takes off her glasses and throws the dictionary out the window into the Kaminoan sea] Never had SOUP?! Well, you've got to have a bowl right now! [runs out of the kitchen holding a bowl of soup] No wonder you're always so miserable! Here, try this.
Crosshair: [slaps the bowl out of Omega's hand] Get that garbage out of my face! [Omega catches the soup bowl and all of its contents in the nick of time]
Omega: If you try it, you'll love it!
Crosshair: Try some of that radioactive sludge-broth you call food? Next, I suppose you'll want me to go square-dancing with Wrecker.
YOU ARE READING
(ON HIATUS) Execute Order Sixty-Soup: A Crack Fanfiction!
FanfictionDedicated to the people on Discord that spent way too long talking about Crosshair's supposed obsession with soup. YOU'RE WELCOME.
