Searching for Serenity Lanes

Chapter 1

I turn the stiff steering wheel of my car, and reluctantly pull into the driveway of Serenity Lanes. I'll just go ahead and admit this now, she has a freaking nice house. Typical, suburban-styled home. Flowers planted out front, the grass always mowed, the house looks freshly painted most of the time. Serenity probably lives in one of the nicest house in Fountain City, actually, considering how the other houses in town look. 

Considering how my own house looks. 

I still remember the first time I came here, when she was fourteen. I was sixteen at the time, driver's license and all. Every parent's nightmare. The house had looked a little different then, but the people who lived inside remained the same, no matter how much of an asshole towards Serenity I was. Serenity had somehow made her parents accept me for who I was, which is a loser. Anyways, she's an only child, with married parents who adore her. I'm the youngest of six, who has a single mom that drinks herself to sleep every night. Serenity is more financially secure as a sixteen year old now, than most of the adults living in the area. We were two completely different people, from two completely different worlds, yet we lived in the same small town. Population: Maybe 800? 

Anyways, hell, if our relationship was a movie, we'd be Lady and the Tramp. Just scratch off the "Happily Ever After" spaghetti dinner bullshit. But from the second that I met Serenity, I fell in love with her.

That's not really a surprise; you'd fall in love with her too, if you met her. Everyone loves Serenity Lanes.

I mean, just take a minute to picture the most perfect and beautiful person in the world. Serenity Lanes would put that person to shame, that's how unbelievably flawless and perfect this girl is. I've never loved a single thing in my life, and that's the God honest truth, until Serenity Lanes came along. And why is that, you might ask?

Because she's the only thing in my life that never changes.

I shifted my car into park, and sat there for a second. I didn't want to do this. My palms were sweaty and I could feel my heart beating right out of my ass. I guess it was better to break up with your girlfriend in person rather than over the phone. Like I had done so many times before. I believe this would be the fourth time I have broken up with Serenity Lanes.

Now, you're probably wondering why I'm breaking up with her, if she's so perfect and wonderful. You're also probably wondering why we end up back together at all, if we're so inconsistent. Not to mention the fact that we're completely different kinds of people. I wonder that myself, and I'm still trying to figure it out. 

Honestly, it's just a vicious cycle. Things are going great, and life is pretty much the closest it can get to perfect. We go on dates, with the little money I barely have, we hang out, we talk, we make out passionately, and it's awesome. But after a while, I start realizing how I don't deserve a girl like Serenity. I start thinking about how she definitely doesn't deserve a loser like me. I freak myself out, and tell myself that I better leave now before I screw up her life. I also get pretty tired of feeling guilty around her, since I usually lie to her about where I am and what I'm doing. I don't want her a part of my lifestyle, and I certainly don't want her around my friends. Especially since I end up sleeping with those friends as a result of being shit-faced drunk. It's not like I'm hiding anything from her, I'd just rather not get into it.

And she never asks.

So basically, I break up with her, and I feel great. I feel free. No more commitment. I can feel free to smoke, drink, and fuck whatever I want. 

It also helps numb the pain. 

Then after a couple months, or even weeks, I start to miss her. I wake up in the morning feeling like shit, and also like an idiot. I have the pleasure of watching her walk to class with swollen eyes, her body swimming in sweatpants and hoodies. I watch with guilt slamming in my gut as her entourage of friends comfort her in the cafeteria, guys especially.