Me: yo iliana don't be mad i-
Iliana: u broke up with orenzo bc of tHAT???????
Me: ok LISTEN,,, it was mutual
Iliana: YOU LITTLE FUCKER WHEN I SEE U ILL-
Me: [hangs up phone, sees intern] oh hey
Intern: ur interview with jimmy is now go outside
Me: [hears crowd cheering] oH
Me: [runs out, waves] hey!!!! [hugs jimmy]
Jimmy: guys!!! It's BARBARA?????? WOW
Me: jimmy jimmy it's just me!!! I'm nothing special u know
Jimmy: true
Me: wtf rude
Jimmy: i saw a rumour about u nd orenzo...
Me: oh laaaawd let me LIVE
Jimmy: [nods sadly] So, Barbara, no one knows the reason for your break-up. Can you elaborate on this?
Me: [deep sigh] [leans on Jimmy for support] He wasn't... He just wasn't really... He wasn't Sebastian Stan. I mean, that dick was bomb, but honestly why have a regular dick when Sebastian's exists?
Crowd: [applauds, cheers, cries]
Jimmy: [looks into camera like he's on the office] oh god we have to beep that out can someone beep it out please, lord Barbara we said to keep it PG
Me: oh ya ur intern told me About that. okay fine how about I replace "dick" with "Richard"
Jimmy: [giggles] what even
Me: am I even real jimmy
Jimmy: OKAY WELL [claps hands excitedly] Barbara-
Me: jimmy, I've told you about who's dick I want, call me babs
Jimmy: [stares, mouth agape] [recovers] well it's your lucky day because sebastian is here tonight
Sebastian: [descends stairway from heaven]
Me: [pterodactyl screeches] [flips chair aggressively] [punches coffee cup] [triple back flips] [fixes hair] oh that's...that's great
Sebastian: [sits down in chair next to me] hi
Me: [hyperventilates] [choking] call...iliana... [shoves jimmy phone]
Sebastian: is she...? [pats my shoulder]
Jimmy: [on phone] um ya she is kinda freaking... You'll do wHAT? NO NO NO MY-
Iliana: [rides into studio on literal pterodactyl] [shoves me on it]
Me: IM ALIVE
Iliana: ARE YOU REALLY
Me: IF I CAN RIDE THIS, IMAGINE ME ON YOU? [points to Sebastian]
[bald eagle flies in from opened window]
Me: OH CHRIS EVANS JUST SENT A MESSAGE HOLD ON
Iliana: MY PRECIOUS LUMBERJACK HUSBAND, MOVE OVER [opens letter attached to eagles leg] Oh...oh... OH. OH WOW.
Me: WHAT DOES IT sAY [grabs the letter] huh [whispers] he's mine now chris [shoves iliana off pterodactyl, grabs sebastian, shoves him on, flies off into the horizon]
THE END. HAPPILY EVER AFTER. OR IS IT? STAY TUNED!!!!
YOU ARE READING
The Adventurous Adventures Of Babs And Iliana
Humortroll stories that were initially sent as text jokes. Characters, people mentioned, do not belong to me!!! Just for fun!!!
