FILLOS Elizabeth Tudor: Ancestry of Sorcery

Part 4

After putting the horses away and redressing, Kat and I walked silently back toward the lodge. Her arm rested softly over my shoulders. As we rounded a large oak we heard a deep, strained voice. “Elizabeth.” We stopped and looked around. Again, “Elizabeth, come here.”
    I could not see where the voice was coming from, but I knew to whom it belonged, “I am here, my Lord, but I cannot see where you are. Reveal yourself and I will come to you.”  
    Kat grabbed my arm in alarm. Of course she would not know the voice. When had she ever heard him? A tapping sound came from my left, and the voice again. “I am sitting and do not wish to get up. I am to your left. Come child, I have things to say to you.”
    I gave Kat a reassuring look and murmured, “It is Father.” Immediately she let go of my arm and pushed me in the direction of the voice. I smiled at her and stepped around the oak, crushing a few acorn tops with my soft shoes. I’d had one wish for this occasion and I felt deeply in my gut that it was about to come true.    
    Looking around in the dark, it took me a moment to see him. Nevertheless, there he was, sitting in a chair under one of the most magnificent beech trees on the grounds. He wore a loose-fitting robe and held a stick in his hand. When our eyes met he smiled at me and turned his head to look forward.
    Interested by what he was looking at, I glanced the same way and was surprised to see the hilltop I had just come from. It was bathed in light, almost as if the trees were leaning out of the way so that he had a direct view.
    “You are very good on your horse, my Bessy.” He was now trying to flatter me. I knew that few boys my age were as good on a horse as myself, but I would not blush or simper. I was a princess in training—though the one man that could make that me a princess in fact sat staring at me with mirth in his eyes.
    “You flatter me, Majesty, but I will not be affected. I have had excellent training and when one loves a certain thing, it is not difficult to excel when all opportunity is granted. In a way, you flatter your own self by complimenting me, for without you, I would be nothing, and thus completely unable to explore my tastes and talents.”
    Father raised his eyebrows at me. “I hear what you are saying, child, and no one could doubt your intelligence, young as you are.” He smiled then and looked down at himself. A longing filled his eyes. “Elizabeth you are a product of your training and your position, and I understand that it is important for me to see you that way, but what I saw up on the hill just now was not a groomed lady.”
    I quickly began to interrupt him, to apologize. I knew that I was always brazenly immodest and unladylike when taking my secret rides, but he held up his hand and silenced me before I could properly formulate an argument.
    “I am not chastising. I am trying to pay you a compliment. I myself have needed to have time to be free of…our duty.”
    It thrilled me to hear him include me in the duties of princedom and I reveled in his words as he paused to consider. While he did so, he caressed the arm of the perfectly ornate chair he sat in. With him in it, it was a throne, a throne in the middle of the forest.
    “Did you know that I was not supposed to be king?” He laughed and looked up into my face. I tried to look like I did not know the story, but he knew that I was educated in family history. “Of course, you know, you bright child. I suppose that your riding has inspired me to say something. Things do not always end the way they start, Bessy. I have always been carefree and active. A fine horseman, hunter, sportsman—but look at me now.” He again looked to the hilltop. “I started my kingdom by fulfilling my duties and soon realized that only doing one’s duty brings but a small amount of joy.” His eyes came back to mine and there was an intensity there that captured my full attention. “It is only in choosing one’s own destiny that happiness may become a part of life.”
    He brushed a large ringed hand over his care-wrinkled brow. I saw sadness and heartache in his face and heard those when he spoke. “I have made many mistakes, Elizabeth. I need you to know that.” He cleared his throat and closed his eyes briefly, continuing quietly. “There is not a single soul on this earth that I can admit that fact to, but seeing you up there on that hill, face toward the sky, I was reminded of someone whom I once loved very much. She was a lot like you, and she was also like me in many aspects. She was a fascinating, infuriating, adventurous soul, and I miss her.” He sighed as he went on. “Now that all is said and done, I am sure I will never love anyone the way I loved her.” His eyes drifted back to the hilltop and I waited while he thought. After a few moments he said, “You are a young, vibrant version of her.” He turned to me and reached out to gently stroke one of my golden curls. “With just a bit of me mixed in.” He then chuckled a bit to himself and I smiled at him, though I had no idea what he found humorous.
    I was struck by the mood he was in and the words that he was sharing. This was not how I thought he would be. This was so much more human.
    “Mary was in rare form tonight,” he said, changing the subject with a smile.
    I laughed. “Yes, she was. I believe you showed a great deal of self-control toward her.” Needing to open myself to him as he had done to me, I continued. “I am so thankful that I was able to meet you out here tonight—that you called to me, and that Mary had made me so angry that I needed to ride. I feared that I would not be able to let you see me or know me. I feared that dinner today would be my only chance.” I was looking directly into his face and I saw that he was affected by my words. For a brief instant I thought I saw his eyes soften, his head tilt, and I felt he might be feeling something for me.
    At that moment he reached out and patted my arm softly. “We should not judge Mary too harshly. I have known her much longer than you have, and life has not been what it ought to have been for someone in her position. I am afraid the fault for that lies nowhere but on these two shoulders,” he said as he touched his chest.
    My hopes fell. He was not even thinking of me.
    The mood suddenly changed and he stood. It took him a few minutes, for it was difficult for him to do, and I waited silently, looking up at the hill, not wishing to shame him. “So, you are very good on a horse. Have you ever participated in a hunt?” he asked in a strained voice, and only then did I turn to look at him. There was a hint of excitement in his wide eyes. “I have a desire to gather a force to track down a wild boar. Now that yesterday’s hunt broke my streak of recent misfortunes with the bow, I am eager to have some fun.”     
  Though I was concerned that the strenuous activity of boar hunting might not be a good idea for Father, I still smiled and said as we walked, “I do love a wild boar! Very exciting thing, a hunt! Just last year Lord Compton’s heart failed him right in the middle of the chase. Oh, and Kat got so involved last time we went that she fell off her horse. I am sure you saw that she is also excellent at handling the animal, yet there she was on the ground and almost trampled by the boar. It truly scared me to death. But Majesty, are you not due to be in Cheshunt by tomorrow? I think that it would not be well with the ladies there if you were missed even by one day. I know the Earl and Lady Frances de Vere, and they would not do without you for even a moment if they could manage it.”

I looked at him from the corner of my eye and was relieved to see a smile as he watched the ground for any unevenness. I knew that he knew I was concerned. I only hoped he did not think I was maneuvering, as Mary always did.

He did not say anything else as we walked to the house.