Self harm- Harry Styles & Liam Payne.

Self harm- Harry Styles & Liam Payne. (Ch.11)

That night i ended up crying myself to sleep, there are no clocks in this hell. I dont even know what time it is. I woke up and searched through my suitcase looking for something to wear. I pulled out a plain white v neck and wore the same jeans i wore yesterday. I put on a clean pair of socks, and walked to the bathroom. Its very strange here. The shower has no curtain, and there is rubber over every sharp surface. What the fuck. I mumbled to myself. I put on my shoes and opened the door. I wasnt really sure where i was walking, i dont even know what im doing here still. This is pathetic. I dont need help. I walked to the front entrance and Nick comes up to me.  "Good morning harry!" he came running up to me. "er. hi Nick, what time is it?"  I asked then he checked his watch. "Eight fourty two, why is that" Nick seemed curious."I just like to know the time and since i dont have my watch, and have this ugly blue band instead, i thought you may know" i said kind of sounding like a prick. " you will get use to it, come with me" Nick demanded. 

We walked through this rehab center, we walked really quick and i wasnt really ware of how large this place was, I guess it was time for breakfast considering we entered a giant hall. There were counselors at every table, This rehab place was also a place for those who had eating disorders, and thoes who were suicidal, or recovering from drugs. Nick was nice enough to put me at his table so i wasnt so awkard. " Hey harry this is Sam, Eric, Chase, and Lee." He introduced me to everyone else at their table. Everyone had a blue band like me, except Sam. Considering the fact he barley had any food on his plate im assuming he is here for an eating disorder. 

I ordered my food and they brought it to me. i guess the counslers are at the table to make sure we dont steal any knifes or forks. I look at my arm and i feel so depressed, Everyone arround me is a fucking trigger. I ate me food really quick. I stood up and was about to run back to my room and get the razor i hid in my suitcase when Nick stood up and asked " Where are you going?" i froze because everyone from the table was looking at me, " er. uh. i left my.. sweater in my room and im cold.." i lied, in a verry bad way too, im pretty sure they could all see through it. " OH! Let me come with you!" fuck. no. dont.  " yeah, sure" i said. Fuck. now i cant cut, i cant cry, i cant. *sigh*

We walked up the stairs and Nick opened the door for me, his light touch across my back sent shivers down my spine. "ah" i accidenlty moaned a little. I turned arround so quick and had nick giggle, " you okay?" he asked me sounding curious.

"yeah i wasnt expecting that, it was weird" i said, lying because i actually loved it. I actualy felt like someone cared for the first time ever. That he sees the scars across my arm and doesnt hate me, that he smiles at me with the look in his eyes that i will get better. I dont think he knows im s stupid member from One Direction. NIck closed the door behind him and sat on the bed while i rummaged through my bag.I unzipped the front pocket and i felt this numb, tinglining in my hand. My body froze, i opened up the next pocket and searched. My heart beguin to race. "shit" i mumbled to myself. 

The blades are gone. 

They are 

g o n e.

I started to tear up, i have to do this all on my own.  " I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE, ITS BEEN LESS THEN ONE DAY AND I CANT FUCKING DO THIS."  i yelled with anger, picked up my hairbush and threw it as hard as i could at the wall." FUCK THIS PLACE" I kept yelling. 

Nick stood up slowly off the bed and walked over to hug me. His hands went around my shoulders and i just started to cry, his grip was so tight. So comforting. " shh, harry its okay" he trys to calm me, pulls me over to the bed, sits me down and says " i know its tough now, i how that it feels like your world is crashing, it feels like you are worthless and that you CANT GET BETTER, but guess what. *rolls up sleeves* Look at these, these look an awful lot like yours *slides fingers gently across harrys arms* and look where i am today, Im helping kids who were like me, get better. Because i KNOW its possible. You can do this. I know you can" He hugged me tight and walked out the door. 

I was now sitting alone in my room.. What do i do.