Lady in Rags

Chapter Twenty: Further Damage

Several minutes later, Lord Landon's carriage rolled down the drive and out of the gate. Verity watched it go from her bedroom window, her heart beating slow and heavy in her chest.

"I'm not in love with him," she told herself. "Why would he say that to me?"

It felt like an accusation of a sin.

She sat down on the bed, and stared at the wall. She stood up, and paced the room. She sat back down on the bed.

"I'm not."

It came to her, piercing through the haze of her confusion, that this was not even the biggest problem the visitor had brought her. Annulment.

What would Neil think of that?

Despite her protest to his brother, she could not quite be sure that Neil would marry her again come January, if they succeeded in the annulment. She thought he would, but she could not quite be sure, without asking.

She didn't want to ask him. She didn't want to tell him that his brother had visited to offer her that disgusting proposition. She wanted to pretend it had never happened, and hope that he would just go away, and give up.

She buried her head in her pillow, and pretended it was a dream. Yes, a nightmare.

Some time later, she heard the door bell ring, and got up and went to the top of the stairs, overlooking the hall.

It was Neil, giving the butler his stick, and shaking off his coat. He never wore a hat, and his curls were wind-tossed atop his head.

She came down to meet him, slowly. When he heard her, he turned and gave her a smile as greeting. Something happened at that moment, something that had been building up for weeks: A dam in her heart broke, and the entire flood of her feelings washed over her at once, leaving her bedraggled in its wake.

She stopped half-way down the stairs, clutching the banister like an anchor.

He came running up to meet her, and kissed her lips.

"You look pale. Was she that bad?"

For a moment, she didn't know what he was talking about.

"No... Yes... but it's not that."

"You're shaking." He took her hands in his. They trembled in his grasp. "You must be ill. I'll take you to bed."

He put an arm around her, and led her away up the stairs. She was not ill, but she was full of a sweet agony of emotions, that made her unable to say or do anything for the moment, except be led gently to bed.

"I'll call for Mrs Roper. Hot soup, and tea."

"No." She put out a hand. "I'm not ill. I just – had a shock."

She was recovering from it now. Her breath returned to her. Her heart steadied in her chest. She had never known before that you could be so happy, and so sad, all at the once. And it was strange that her happiness didn't mitigate her sadness, and her sadness didn't mitigate her happiness. They each seemed the stronger for the existence of the other. She laughed, with tears in her eyes, and then held out both hands towards him, and he came and sat on the bed beside her.

Her fingers twined around his. His touch steadied her, and she was able to speak calmly, despite her thrumming heart.

"Your brother is suing to have our marriage annulled."

Neil went very pale, very suddenly. The lines of his face seemed deeper; his eyes seemed black.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I should have told you better – I don't know how to say it."