Twist And Shout

chapter 13: Epilogue

April, 1981

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It was the last place that Dean wanted to be, but he knew that Cas would want him be there, and he was only doing this for Cas. He had never met anyone from Cas' family, and he had only spoken to his brother, Gabriel, on the phone. There had been pictures, but mainly they were of Rachel, Cas' favorite sibling. His father was dead, and he had never heard much about his mother. He already felt out of place and they hadn't even left for the cemetery yet.

Sam was seated on the couch with Abigail, kissing her face and laughing when he went downstairs, and Jess approached, coming to rest her hand on his chest. She smiled softly and adjusted his tie, stretching to kiss his cheek.

"You look handsome." She touched his shoulder and pulled away, smoothing her hands down her dress.

He smiled at her and Sam got off of the couch, Abigail tugging at his hair as he held her. Jess took her from him, and Abigail calmed down, quieting as Jess gently swayed with her.

"Are you sure you want us to come?" Sam questioned, resting his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing. Dean breathed and smoothed his thumb over the collar of Sam's shirt, nodding.

"Yeah. He would've wanted it."

Jess handed Abigail back to Sam, and he smiled when he took her, nosing at her face. She squealed and patted his cheeks, and Dean smiled. Jess went upstairs, saying that she needed to make sure her hair looked nice before they left. They had time. The funeral didn't for another hour, and the cemetery was close by.

Abigail calmed down and tugged at the collar of Sam's coat.

"It's crazy, huh?"

Dean nodded, scrubbing a hand down his face.

"He was doing so well. I just thought that maybe - maybe-" the last words fell offand Dean pressed his fingers against his eyes. Sam grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him toward him, and Jess appeared from the stairs to take Abigail again. Dean clutched at the lapels of his coat as Sam wrapped his arms around him, completely surrounding him and holding him against his chest.

Sam hushed him and smoothed his hand along his back. Dean knew what he wanted to say. He's in a better place, he's not in pain anymore. He didn't. Dean didn't believe in those sorts of things. The hopes of God and Heaven were the luxuries of men who hadn't seen boys die. Who hadn't held them and watched them suffer at the hands of a random and reckless fate. He'd buried those things with Adam, and now, more of him would be buried with Cas. Sam just hugged him close and hushed him until he knew he could control himself.

Dean pulled back and pawed at his face, rubbing the tears away.

"God." His voice broke, and he swiped at his nose with the back of his hand. "I don't know-"

"Dean." Sam stopped him before he could start, hands resting on his shoulders and holding him at arm's length. "You're going to go. You have to go. You know Cas would want you there."

"But his family's going to be there."

He wanted an out. He couldn't do this, he wasn't strong enough to do this. After the hospital, he wanted to give up.

"I don't care, Dean. You're stronger than this, I know you are."

Dean lifted his hands and curled his fingers around Sam's wrists, pulling his hands away and nodding. He had to do this. He didn't care if Cas' family was there, and he didn't care if they didn't want him there. He was going to go, and he was going to see Cas off. He was going to do it right.