The Gate

Chapter 19

Faye wasn’t at all surprised to see Kat sitting on her bed when she arrived home. 

Faye closed her bedroom door shut behind her as she crept into her bedroom, bringing a hand through her hair.  Kat stared blankly at her with wide eyes.  Faye wondered how long her sister had waited there, how long she’d sat there with her legs crossed over one another.  Staring endlessly at a closed door.  She should have felt bad that Kat waited here for so long, should have felt bad that her little sister was probably driving herself insane.  However, it was rather difficult when the only reason Kat was like this was because she wanted to get Faye in trouble.

“You’re back,” Kat said tonelessly as Faye moved into the room.

Faye shrugged off her sweatshirt and threw it aimlessly onto the floor.  She plopped onto her bed beside Kat, staring at the door for a moment before sighing.  “You should have gone to bed.”

Kat twisted around to face Faye with wide eyes.  “Go to bed?” she whispered.  “You expected me to go to bed after what happened?”

Faye’s eyes scanned Kat slowly.  She looked absolutely crazed as though she’d been locked in a padded cell for weeks.  Her hair was all over the place, and whatever little mascara she’d had on fell in lines on her cheeks.  Her clothes were all wrinkled as though she’d rolled around in an aimless fit to stay calm when she couldn’t manage to think straight.  And her eyes.  They were wide, so wide.  Wider than Faye had ever seen them. 

Kat was frightening her to be honest.

“Nothing happened,” Faye whispered.

Kat’s eyes narrowed slightly, but they were still wider than usual.  “You’re bullshitting me,” she snapped.  Faye blinked.  She’d never really heard her sister swear before.  It was odd.  “You have been for weeks.  You think I don’t know that you’re not really going to Errika’s when you sneak out?  You may have Mom fooled, but you haven’t fooled me.  And your reaction to the last broadcast wasn’t just because of the dumb Campout.  It was bigger than that.  Like you were the reason for it.”

Faye didn’t answer at first.  What was she supposed to say?  She couldn’t keep lying to Kat; she obviously wasn’t taking any of Faye’s excuses anymore.  But if she told her . . . Kat’s life would be at stake.  “Look, I know that you think you’re entitled to having all the information,” Faye whispered.  “But I’m not telling you because I want to keep you safe.”

“I know.”  Kat sighed, wiping the back of her hand across her face.  “I knew the second after you slipped on Terra’s name.  I knew this was bigger than any stupid excuse to get you grounded.”

Faye stared at Kat for a long time.  “This is the most understanding I think you’ve ever been.  Ever.”

Kat struggled to laugh but failed.  “I just want to understand,” she mumbled, her voice shaking.  “I want to understand where you’re going, why you’re going there, and how Terra could be alive when you and Mom buried her.”  She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them.  They shined with tears.  “I just want to understand something big.  Something more than hand-me-downs and the latest fashion.  I want to do something important, too.”

Faye nodded.  She understood where Kat was coming from.  For the first time she understood something Kat was saying.  She understood.  “I used to feel that way about Terra,” Faye confessed.  “I used to idolize her, to look up to her and wish that I could be so much more like her than I was.  I wanted to be important, to be bright, to be loved by everyone the way she was.  I wanted to be exactly like Terra because she succeeded in life where I didn’t.  She wasn’t afraid of anything.  I wanted to understand things like Terra did, to look at people like I knew more than they did and there was nothing they could do about it.  But I couldn’t because I was me.”