Inside The Mind of Tatiana Rose

Prologue

I skim my tongue across my chapped lips, before biting down lightly on my lower lip beginning to read back over the letter I had just written ready to hand to Mr Sloan tomorrow.

Dear Mr Sloan,

I can't stop thinking about the way you make me feel. The way you turn maths into something oh so sexual.. The way every time I walk into your class a flame ignites in my heart in desire for your love.. I love how your crisp white shirt clings to your tanned muscular torso, showing your defined abs which I long to brush my hands against so badly...

Before I could finish the sentence I was reading, my mom burst into the room which caused me to reel back in surprise, clutching the letter tightly.

If she read this, I'd be in so much trouble...

"Tiana, hand it over!" she demanded in a tone that I probably shouldn't question, but I couldn't let her see this.

"Hand what over?"

Before I could even argue further she snatched the letter from my grasp.

"The note I just heard you reading out, I've been standing by your door this whole time. I've been worrying so much about you lately Tatiana. Do you know how many times the school have rang me? About how my daughter is hung up on this maths teacher?! I didn't think anything of it at first, I just thought it was some school girl crush, but this Tatiana, this is way out of line! This is twisted, this is so perverted, you're writing these letters to a teacher. An innocent man with a career, and this would have totally ruined it, he would have been sent to prison! This is not right."

I look down, my curls falling as a curtain covering my eyes.

I have to get it back.

She began to tear the paper slightly.

Anger surged through my veins, at all the hard work and time I'd spent thinking of how to express my feelings on paper and she had just ripped it up.

Before she could make another tear I lunge forward hoping to grab the letter, but failing as she'd already tore it into pieces before I could reach it.

"You bitch" I shouted, a little hesitantly .

Tears brim at my eyes, threatening to spill almost clouding my vision.

As the words fall from my tongue, her hand meets my cheek and I fall to the ground, in shock that she slapped me plus the fact that she ripped up my letter.

I bring a hand to my cheek to soothe the sting and look up at her through my eyelashes.

Her eyes suddenly cloud over in sorrow and remorse, her eyes now staring at my arm.

I dart my eyes to my arm, now apparently revealing the engravings of initials.

"Tatiana, what is this!" tears now begin to spill from both of our eyes.

I cut my eyes into slits, oh now she cares about me.

"Tatiana Rose, I am talking to you!"

No words come out of my mouth.

She kneels down beside me, peering closer at the cuts.

"This is the end, we have to take you to the doctors! This is definitely the last straw."

She stands back up and walks through the door, slamming it shut and twisting the key in the lock.

I got up and ran to the door banging on it with my fists.

"Let me out you bitch. Whore! Slag! That's why I love Mr Sloan, he understands me unlike you! I hope you rot in hell!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, my voice breaking at the end as tears fell freely down my cheeks.

I threw myself onto the floor, in a teary eyed, snotty mess.

A low gravelly voice began to pound at my skull.

Not this again.

"Your mom doesn't care about you, neither does anyone else except Mr Sloan"

"He's the only one who understands"

"Are you just gonna let her get away with that? Ruining your happiness, ruining your relationship with Mr Sloan?"

"Relationship, more like obsession!" 

"It isn't an obsession, I just care about him. I do all this for him" I whisper, to no one but myself.

"Who would love a girl as ugly as you?"

"Don't listen to them Tiana, he does love you. Why don't you do some more pretty artwork on your arm with the razor blade, he always said he was a big fan of art."

"Leave me alone" I screech, pounding my hand against my head in attempt to shake away the sinister voices.

I get up, walk to my wall length mirror and peered at my reflection in the glass. I'm not ugly and Mr Sloan does love me. I know it.

But then my vision clears and all I see is a teary eyed snotty nosed little girl who's talking to herself.

"I'm normal" I whisper to my reflection, trying to calm my nerves.

"No you're a little psycho bitch with issues"

A ear splitting scream escapes my mouth and I grab one of my high heels from my messy bedroom floor and smash the mirror to pieces. Shards of glass falling everywhere.

Mirrors lie. After all they only show your reflection...