gradual || explicit || DISCON.

one

Lighting is pretty.

I thought this to myself as I shook, holding my knees to my chest as the constant sound of trembling thunder echoed in my ears.

I told myself not to be afraid.

I told myself lighting is pretty.

I forced myself to look up and over to the window, seeing the light illuminating the night sky as water poured over the glass that separated my room from the raging storm outside.

"Pretty,¨ i forced myself to say, my voice shaky and full of breath.

Since I was a child, storms were terrifying to me. Rain was beautiful, I loved the sound of it beating against the roof over my head, and I loved the feeling of it against my skin. But thunder-thunder and the pretty rain that came with it- made my skin crawl with fear and my eyes water with tears.

There was one thing that could make this feeling go away. One thing that could make my fears disappear. The urge was strong, but I couldn't, I knew I couldn't. I gripped my hair with my shaky hands and tugged on it so hard I nearly cried out in pain. My bottom lip was bleeding due to how much I was biting it; and the short stands of my brown hair was sticking to the back of my neck with sweat.

"Get it together Hal," I whispered into the empty room. "Its just a bit of thunder. Nothing you can't handle." A smile creeped onto my lips as I slowly stood up and walked over to my window. The curtains in my room were black, a complete contrast with the light lilac color on my walls. I quickly pulled the curtains shut and crawled back into bed, laying down and pulling the blanket up until it covered my pale red nose.

Eventually, I felt myself slowly drifting to sleep as the sound of the terrifying thunder drifted further and further away. I shivered under the blankets and I could feel my heart racing in my chest. The world felt distant as I finally fell under, my dreams completely consuming me.

It must have been only a few minutes before I awoke again. I sat up in bed and looked around, wondering where the piercing sound was coming from. The silence was eerie, making the banging noise even more disruptive when it occurred every few seconds. My breathing picked up in short, shallow gasps of air. I stood up and grabbed my phone, ripping the charger out of it and quickly opening it to the dial screen. Nine-one-one, I dialed quickly, but took one more look around before I pressed the call button.

Ding!

I jumped slightly and looked down at my phone screen.

1 New Message.

From: Him <3

Open your window sweetie.

I smiled and threw my phone on my bed, quickly scrambling to the window and opening it as fast as I could.

I was met with a pair of piercing green eyes; eyes that I had fallen in love with not too long ago. Eyes that made my heart race and my palms sweat and my whole body shake with fear and excitement and-yes, eyes I was so in love with. A few monts ago, love was a foreign concept to me. Love was an impossible, unimaginable state of mind that I had never felt within me. And then: I met the beautiful person behind these mesmerizing green eyes. The boy I had fallen in love with had a beautiful name, too. Nate. Along with the beautiful green eyes, he had soft, silky brown hair that was long, but not too long, and was just over six inches taller than I.

"Sweetheart,¨ he breathed heavily as he climbed over the windowsill into my lilac colored room. His clothes were dripping wet due to the rain, and I wondered how long he had been outside.

I blushed and buried my face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. ¨What are you doing here?¨

He smiled and kissed the top of my head, and I didn't care that my sweater was now soaked as well. "I missed you. i didn't want to wait until school tomorrow to see you."

He grabbed my hand and walked me to my bed, and I crawled under my blanket once again. He tucked me in and kissed  my cheek, telling me to wait just a second. I watched as he walked towards my bathroom that was connected to my room and grabbed a towel.He smiled at me, then began to dry his hair with the towel. I smiled as I watched him; capturing every moment. "How was your day?" He asked, returning to my side and sitting on the edge of my bed. I didn't reply, just shrugging as I laid my head in his lap. "Hal, baby, you okay?"

"Tired," I whispered quietly and closed my eyes, feeling him running his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry, you should get some sleep."

"Hard to do that with you here," I laughed lightly and reached my hand up to graze his cheek. "My parents will kill you if they find out you were here."

"Guess we just cant let them find out then, huh?"

I sighed and curled my legs up to my chest, my head still resting on his thigh, and thought about my first encounter with Nate.

It was March 5th, only a few months ago, a rainy day that turned my life upside down and sent me into a beautiful world of light and color. Every detail was still so clear in my mind as I thought about that rainy day, that beautiful rainy day. I had been at the mall with my best friend Torri, we were desperately trying to pick out dresses for her birthday party that was coming up the next weekend. I remembered dressing in my light pink skirt and white tucked in tank top with a jean jacket over top, I remember the way my thigh high grey socks had felt against my legs, and the way my combat boots were too tight for my feet. Torri, short for Victoria, was wearing an outfit similar, and due to our close hair and eye color, we could have been mistaken for twins. 

After enjoying lunch and trying on what felt like a million different dresses, we decided Starbucks was a necessity. So, navigating through the crowded traffic of people in the mall, we made out way to our favorite coffee shop. "Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?" We were asked as we approached the counter to order, and I looked up, and nearly toppled over, gripping onto to Torri's arm for support. The boy was staring at us, well me specifically, with a smile on his pink lips. He had messy brown hair with the most charming cowlick, and deep green eyes that had my heart race. "Well?"

I blushed, I had been caught staring, and scrambled in my purse for my wallet, looking at the boy shyly. "I um-yeah, sorry, I'll have a tall cotton candy frappe, please," I had said with a shaky voice, still not able to tear my eyes off of the boy standing only a few feet from me. He took Torri and I's money and we stepped aside waiting for our drinks to be delivered. It took only a few minutes before the boy handed me my clear Starbucks cup, filled to the brim with whipped cream. "Thank you," I had said with a smile, "Have a nice day."

"You too, beautiful," Nate had winked and walked away, back to his job. That's when I went to shove the crumpled receipt into my wallet, but stopped when I noticed something scribbled onto it. The handwriting was messy, but I could make out what it said clearly.

Text me sometime. You're beautiful ;)

Under this, a ten digit number that I still have memorized to this day.

"Hal?" Nate's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked my eyes open and stared up at him. "My little daydreamer."

"Shut up," I laughed and closed my eyes once again. "Tell me about your day."

"It was just like any other Sunday. Church early this morning, went to the gym for a bit. Thought about this really beautiful girl-"

"Who?"

"Her name is Hallie," he smiled and leaned down to kiss my cheek. "She's very special to me." I blushed once again, my mind wandering far away from his voice. I let myself drift to sleep in his arms, feeling as always so comfortable in his embrace.