She Is My Hayaat

Chapter 44: Celebrations and Compromises Part 2

***WARNING: This chapter has slightly mature content. Read at your risk.***

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The cool summer wind that escaped through the open french balcony doors tingled my back with the smell of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers from the garden. I had asked Imaan to open the doors, the heat in the room rising with the anxiety and timeless stress. As the girls stood in the corners of the room, with their arms crossed on their chests and gave one another glances here and there, I could feel the solemnity in the room in the core of my body. When I would catch them speaking to each other with nothing but their pursued lips and shrouded eyes, they'd quickly compose themselves and give me small smiles in return.

I couldn't hear anything that was happening downstairs, but the voices vibrated from below us, and every now and then something would boom in the corners of the house. I would flinch in response, and only shake my head when they'd try to reassure me that things were fine. I couldn't comprehend as to how things had slipped past my eyes so quickly. It had been nearly an hour since the elders along with Huda Appi and Izhar had joined together in the library.

I was so tense, that I couldn't move or change into more comfortable clothes, my limbs paralyzed. The girls had helped me take all the pins out of my hair when I had started developing a migraine. The rich and silky locks cascaded around me and tumbled down to the middle of my open back in loose waves, framing my delicate and sharp face. I sat on the large bed, facing the door with my hands clenching the duvet with fists on either side of me.

Ammi hadn't forgotten the aftermath of my first pregnancy nor had she forgiven me for all that had happened. She was still battling with her motherly emotions and affections that she had endlessly invested in her son. No matter what counter argument could be presented against her, my heart, mind, body, and soul couldn't stay angry at her. She was a mother and wanted Izhar's happiness. Yes, maybe her tactics were hurting our relationship and they weren't in the same perspective of Izhar's or mine, but I couldn't forget the love and respect she had given me.

Ammi didn't want a repeat of the former, in fact no one did. Yet, it wasn't in my hands and nor was it in anyone else's. My heart broke knowing that she'd lost that amount of faith in me, but I couldn't stay mad at her even if I wanted to. I couldn't forget how much she loved me and cared about me like her own daughter. I was blessed to have Izhar, but it would've been injustice to not acknowledge how my in-laws were like my own family, because they were. They had given me more than any girl could surmise, and I would forever be thankful.

No matter the pain, no matter the wounds, and no matter the tears, I had to hold my head high and face everything with a smile for Izhar's sake. With all my heart, I knew he was breaking, but I couldn't let him stay enraged at his mother that he so dearly loved. She was the reason behind what he was and the man he'd become that accepted me and loved me evermore. Izhar had to understand, and I knew he would in sha Allah.

My thoughts became insolvent and free one by one as they poured out and onto the floor in front of me like the storm that had taken shelter in the crevices of the wall of the large house. The bedroom door opened and my bloodshot eyes zeroed in on it as Izhar's voice mingled along with Baba and Dadi jaan's from downstairs. They had formed their alliances in defending me while Ammi was left hopeless.

Huda Appi walked in with a tired Sahar and quickly closed the door behind her, shutting out the bleary fields with howling drops of rain.

"Mami!" Sahar whispered loudly, attuning herself with the mood of the house.

She ran to me in her white and rosy pink flower printed cotton pajama's holding her stuffed bunny close to her heart, her luscious brown curls bouncing with each graceful stride.