Mary's HIV / AIDS Story

Mary

All I knew back then was that I was going to die

At age 42 Mary was a substitute teacher, wife and mother. She shed that life in search of an enigmatic need her domestic experience hadn't met. At first, Mary just observed the drug dealers and addicts on her street, curious as to what all the fuss was about. Finally, she approached a man selling crack cocaine. "And after that, it was on," Mary said. She began using in her home, but soon escalated, emptying her bank account and leaving her family behind. "I just had to get away because I needed more and more and more," Mary explained. The children she abandoned ended up being a driving force in her remarkable recovery.

Homeless and without income, she had singular goal: "Getting high, looking to find drugs, or figuring out how I’m going to get my drugs," Mary explained. The exact time and situation remain a mystery to her, but at some point during this period, Mary contracted HIV. 

The need for drug money was what led her to get tested. An outreach clinic worker noticed Mary was getting sick, and recommended she go in for an HIV test, a suggestion she initially rejected before learning that the clinic was paying at-risk individuals like herself $20 to come in. Waiting for her results, and the payout, two weeks after the initial test, Mary watched her compatriots collect their cash and leave, until finally, she was given her diagnosis. 

Her initial reaction was denial. She shut down offers of treatment, dismissing the results. "I don’t know what’s wrong with you. You’re going crazy. There’s nothing wrong with me” she said. By her own account, Mary returned to the streets in search of drugs, ignoring the disease until it demanded she pay attention. "I got to the point, that I had sores on me. I don’t know where they coming from, and I’m sick," Mary said. "My hair is just falling out…" Incredibly weak, sick and tired, Mary was finally ready to end the vicious cycle that had stolen seven years of her life. "All I knew back then I was going to die," Mary said. "That’s all I knew, I was going to die."

Mary found herself at a rehabilitation and shelter, OCW, at this nadir. "They gave me love. They showed me that you could get back to life," she explained. "They said, 'If you want to get back to life, we’re going to help you. But you have to want it.'" Remembering OCW, which is no longer in existence, Mary said, "I look back at it and I just think, 'Oh, my God, they really helped me.'" Once she was healthy and sober, OCW introduced Mary to Jerusalem House, which is where she truly began to rebuild everything that had eroded over the past seven years. 

"They have just nourished me," Mary said during an interview this year, conducted in her beautiful apartment. She is still a client of Jerusalem House, which is responsible for providing her with said housing. Today, her T Cells hold steady at 1,200 and she looks like a grandmother. The physical traces of Mary's struggle—the sores, the hair and weight loss—have disappeared. But she is vigilant about remembering the journey that brought her to where she is today, and eager to help others. "I go to groups and talk, tell my story, hopeful that my story would help somebody else that is in that situation, because believe me, I know. I’ve been out there," Mary said. "There are a lot of them out there in this situation, and they don’t know what to do."

In addition to speaking in group settings at Jerusalem House and on several college campuses, Mary also believes that she can educate her own family. She has spoken openly with her children and grandchildren, saying “I am so happy to be where I am because I am able to share with others. I’m able to tell them not only about the HIV side, but the addiction side.” Her advice also takes on practical applications. Mary provides condoms to her grandsons in the hopes that an open and honest dialogue will foster good decision-making. “It is what it is, but we’re going to talk about it.”

Mary's current day-to-day is filled with family, friends and church. She sits most days in “her chair” surrounded by pictures of smiling kids. Her children’s forgiveness and acceptance of her back into their lives is something Mary considers herself especially blessed to have. "I know people now that are clean that have the virus and their family doesn’t want to be bothered with them," Mary explained. Instead, her family is a huge part of her life; Mary cooks for them, host grandkids regularly and, most importantly, serves as an example. She elaborated: "My daughter says all the time, “Oh, I would never, ever let myself go and do what my mamma did. My mamma was a lesson for me.'" 

Throughout Mary's most difficult years, her daughter never stopped trying to be a part of her life. Jerusalem House has helped repair that relationship and make it stronger. Crucially, it helped her get past the guilt of her mistakes, which was initially preventing a real connection with her family. "Because I always held my head because I was ashamed," Mary said, "I was ashamed of what I had done, how long I had been out there, how I had left my children and [my counselor at Jerusalem House] brought me back to the children."

It took seven years, a ravaging drug addiction and an HIV positive diagnosis to make Mary realize that her saving grace was right under her nose. She emphasized the role of her family, spirituality and organizations like Jerusalem House as essential to her rehabilitation. Jerusalem House taught her how to be a member of society again, in the most basic sense, through things like assigning her chores, while being constantly available for counsel should temptation or fear strike. "I started going to the learning center," Mary explained. "I learned how to work the computer and the teachers over there began to talk to me, get me back, get my self esteem back." Mary added: "No matter what my feelings were that morning, they would say a word that would make me smile or make me lift my head."

The spirituality piece came later in her recovery. "My inner feeling was that I was good. I was good as far as [being] clean. I was good as far as not going – not even having a desire to go back out.  But I felt like spirituality was missing." Since then, church has been a big part of her life, both for the instant community it provides and the intangible comfort in trusting in a larger power. "I believe in the God that’s greater than I am," Mary said. "Nobody told me the road would be so rough, but as I went along it began to smooth out because my God, he began to work with me and worked it out for me."

Mary has a quilt she made during her early days with Jerusalem House. "I made it because it gave me a sense of where I was going," she explained. It's a work in progress. She said, "I’m just learning, getting my pieces together. I was just blessed that somebody picked me up and said, "Come on.” 

Because of success stories like Mary's, The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation has funded Jerusalem House, an organization in Atlanta, Georgia, that provides housing for people living with HIV/AIDS.  Without a roof over your head it is hard to focus on basic health needs, including regular check-ups and medication maintenance and. You can learn more visit about these two organizations by visiting www.JerusalemHouse.org and www.ETAF.org or by downloading the free Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation app on iPhone, android, or tablet.