Michael's HIV / AIDS Story

Michael

I would never have imagined I would know anyone who is HIV-positive.  From the time I came out at 24, I was tested on a regular basis.  I even made it a point to get tested with the guys I dated.  Then, at some point, I started to be less stringent and more trustful.  

In 2008, I started to date someone.  Naturally, feeling as confident as one man could be, I asked, “Have you been tested?” His reply was, “Of course. I am clean – don’t worry.”  At the time, his word seemed enough.  Our relationship didn’t last long, and we split up.  Within a few weeks, I became sick and the doctors could not find the reason.

Then, in November 2008, already three months overdue, I went in for my routine HIV test. I TESTED POSITIVE. I honestly was in a state of shock for weeks. I wondered how my diagnosis would impact the rest of my life, or even the near future for that matter.  When I went back to tell my ex the news, I learned that he had known he was positive the whole time we dated, and had lied to me. I had not respected myself enough to ask detailed questions about his sexual history.

Being lied to was devastating at first, and then I became angry for a long time. But I ultimately had to let that go so I could move forward in my life. However, before I did, I had to take steps to make sure that my ex wouldn’t ever repeat his lie to someone else.  I convinced him to change his online profile to reveal that he was HIV-positive. 

Facing the choice of what to do next, I made the decision to live a more transparent life by openly identifying myself as HIV-positive to friends and family. I decided that I would no longer hide who I am and would find a way to turn something scary into something positive (no pun intended). I took responsibility for being overly trusting and not protecting myself. Unfortunately, this meant losing a few friends since many people in my life did not know how to support me.  I never want anyone else to be left as alone as I felt those first six months.

After dedicating some time to some major self-care, I decided to start volunteering.  

I was approached to facilitate a support group for those who were newly diagnosed in Seattle, which was then called Dunshee House and is now known as Seattle AIDS Support Groups. I was also asked to speak on the HIV Speakers Bureau. The goal was to educate high school and college-age people about HIV, the importance of getting tested, and self-care.  I was so honored to help.  It also inspired me to confront my own feelings surrounding my diagnosis, which led to me start therapy at that time as well. 

In 2009, I was blessed to meet and fall in love with my partner, Jacob.  After a year of long distance dating, I made the decision to move south to Portland, Oregon, where Jacob lived.  Shortly after arriving, I began volunteering with Cascade AIDS Project (CAP). Working with CAP was a dream come true.  I first worked with the Positive Talk program, teaching skills for ‘coming out’ to family, friends, and potential partners as HIV-positive. Shortly thereafter, I was asked to be part of a program of volunteer HIV testers.

Being a volunteer tester gives me the opportunity to educate and support anyone wanting to know his or her HIV status. I feel that we as testers – and me specifically since I am HIV-positive - are in a unique position to teach others about the stigma facing those living with the disease as well as to encourage others to stay healthy and safe.

Coming from that perspective, I’ve used my experiences to start a monthly blog called “Day in the Life of an HIV Tester” which appears in the local LQBTQ Resource Center and on PQ Monthly’s web magazine.  It is the ABCs of HIV testing, as well as a communication on questions revolving around HIV health and safer sex practices.

Throughout my journey, I have been blessed to be in a position to show that being HIV+ is not only life-changing, but also life-affirming.  I feel that by being open and honest, I have the opportunity to show that we are all going through our own struggles and that I am blessed to be able to share my experiences. I have survived many trials and I am a phoenix that has emerged into a new life.

Elizabeth Taylor’s grandson, Quinn Tivey, and the Managing Director of The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation, Joel Goldman, met Michael Lee Howard at Cascade AIDS Project’s (CAP) in Portland.  While there, Quinn participated in CAP’s “Testing4all” program, by getting tested with Michael as his tester. “Testing4all” is largely funded by a grant from The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation. To find out where you can be tested locally go to http://hivtest.cdc.gov/.  One in five people who have HIV don’t know they have it, but when they do know, they are 70% less likely to pass HIV to their partners, and If they take medication, use protection, and stay in care, then HIV transmission rates can drop by up to 96%. You can learn more by visiting www.cascadeaids.org or 

www.ETAF.org, or by downloading The Elizabeth Taylor AIDS Foundation app for free on iPhone, android, and tablet.