Permanent

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I'm a Lost Cause

They had added a new magazine.

It was the first thing I noticed as my eyes lazily ran over the plain waiting room of the hospital. Its standard white walls broken up by the posters warning you of possible signs of upcoming death... or something like that.

There were forty plastic blue chairs, that like a nervous habit I counted each and every time I came here. They were accompanied by two large coffee style tables, covered in old and tatty magazines and immediately I noticed the un-spoiled gossip magazine sitting on top of the rest. Finally it was something new to read even though I hated reading about other people's stupid problems.

Some people didn't realise how lucky they were.

Jane the receptionist sat behind the large desk, casually and calmly answering the phone that never stopped ringing. The irritating buzzing sound it made was beginning to grate my sense of hearing. As usual Jane caught me staring, and instead of flinching back like most people usually did, she warmly smiled and her chestnut eyes that matched her ginger hair, showed kindness and not pity. Something I was forever grateful for.

"Gosh I wonder what is taking them so long?" My mum sighed as she sat back down beside me and gripped in her left hand was a steaming cup of cheap black coffee. I knew Mum hated the stuff, but with visit after visit she had grown used to the chemical like taste. For me I couldn't stand coffee, actually any hot drink was unappealing, but after tasting the hospital coffee I was sure it had burned away a layer of my stomach.

I shrugged lazily, "they probably have better things to do than tell me that I'm a lost cause."

I expected it but still as she slammed the plastic cup down on the table, its contents staining the white surface, I jumped and guiltily turned away from her.

But mum wasn't having any of that.

Taking a firm grip of my hood she pulled it down off my head, causing my un-brushed hair to fall loose and around my face. The dark blonde colour blocked me away from the world for less than second, before my mums soft hands gently pushed my hair back and held the sides of my face.

"Please don't ever say things like that again." The shiver in her voice spoke of un-shed tears, and I asked myself why someone as wonderful as her had to go through so much pain.

I just wasn't wort it.

My mum was a beautiful person, inside and out. There was no getting around it, because everyone who knew her or even just met her saw it. Emma Fisher had given up her whole life to take care of me and that was at the same time of being a full time midwife.

It hadn't been easy for her because she was another one of those girls that had dated the high school star, got knocked up and found themselves on the streets with nowhere to go. My dad never wanted anything to do with me and that was even before I had taken a single breath.

However with life looking bleak Emma never gave up. She lived with her Nan that expected every penny she earned from a part time job, all the while completing high school and then finally university.

She was amazing, but I wondered if maybe the abortion that had crossed her mind for a single moment might have been the best thing.

"I'm just tired of being here. The seizures aren't getting better and I don't want to go on more medication." I relaxed under her tender touch and found comfort in the depths of her blue eyes and gentle smile.