BRAINWASH | JJK & KTH

五

P A L I N O I A
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"you loved her?" he questioned.

he nodded.

"so why did you guys end? why did you leave her?"

"because,

he paused.

i don't know. i wasn't good for her. i hurt her, you know? i hurt her all the time and sometimes, sometimes...i meant to and i hated myself for it but i couldn't stop. i loved when she stared at me with her big brown eyes, glistening from the tears. she was so in love with me and i took advantage of it; i was toxic for her. but i loved her,

he paused once more.

and i still do love her. i think a part of me always will. but she deserved so much more–and when i left her, i swear the cracks in her heart were visible through her eyes. you could see the pain she was feeling just by looking into them.

but i guess sometimes,
you have to hurt someone to help them."

。。。

taehyung's breath hitched.

did he really just say that?

no,
was he the one who he was talking to just now?

it couldn't be.

it can't be.

jungkook stifled a laugh–he hid it particularly well.

"why don't you accept compliments?"

the flustered boy forced his eyes to be glued upon something else, something that would distract him and hopefully calm his down from his flustered state.

he cleared his throat before hoarsely saying,

"b-because it feels like i'm being lied to..."

jungkook really did giggle abruptly this time.

"all i said was that your eyes are kinda mesmerising–"

"–d-don't repeat it."
taehyung cut in.

the other threw his hands up in defeat and raised his eyebrows in attempt to dumb down the impenetrable tension.

the clouds spun into an ashy accumulation of a lustreless mess in the mysterious twilight.

it had only been two days.

to jungkook, the feeling was so strange; strange yet satisfying. it was overwhelming, although it made him feel complete, whole. it had no bound nor length nor depth; just absolute. it felt dangerous sinful, yet naïvely safe at the same time. it felt as if his heart was dancing around his chest; and a hole, which he was never aware was there, had been filled.

it's strange.

but it's true when he thought the thought, and believed–he truly loved him more than himself was ever loved.

he was his anchor, his one stability in the world which was filled with chaos.

yes, he was broken.

but jungkook was determined to hang on to something so incomprehensible, so addicting,
so

he had no idea how to describe it.

he had visions; visions of his hand, interlocking with his own as they would kiss tentatively, passionately, and then, tenderly.

he'd pull a thick, woollen sweater up, over his head and jungkook would mask his blush within the brief seconds of the material in front of his face. taehyung's lips would press against his once again, as his warm slender hands roamed around his body, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake.

and the entire thing would end, with the words jungkook wanted to hear most from him.

"i love you."

"stop daydreaming, you weirdo."
taehyung said, in real life.

he definitely wasn't flustered and carried a goofy grin and crinkled eyes upon his expression.

the other boy shook his head and muttered something about it getting late.

taehyung agreed; they both traced their steps back, and walked home together.

that night, after their parting, the waves they gave each other as they left, the ear-to-ear smiles they exchanged simultaneously, jungkook failed to sleep.

but as he stared into nothingness, drew pictures with his irises onto the barren white ceiling, he was happy with the sole thought of him.

he really was determined.

and if it resulted in him not sharing mutual feelings, he was okay with that.

just as long as he could be able to carry on feeling love fly on indestructible wings, running through his veins.

just as long as his self doesn't cease to function at the loss of him.

just as long as taehyung is with him, he'll be content and sick on his satisfyingly insufferable presence.

just as long as he's there,
he doesn't mind if he
doesn't love him back.