twenty four

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I don't really remember falling asleep, all I remember was having a talk with Brandon and speaking to him about Matt

Downstairs I could hear my brothers voices, I went to check the time but my phone wasn't on my bedside table - then I remembered that Brandon took it from me last night

I rolled out of my bed and made my way downstairs, hoping I would get my phone back

"Morning shorty" Elliott teased, walking in from the kitchen

"Morning Ells"

Brandon was sat on one of the sofas, so I decided I would sit next to him. The twins were sat watching The Inbetweeners on telly

"Make room for me" Elliott called out, sitting himself down next to me

Brandon tapped my arm "I have something for you"

He passed me my phone

I smiled and unlocked it "Thanks Brands"

Since it was Sunday, we were all off from college and work. I hoped we would do something together as a family

All I want is for us to start doing things together, including Brandon. Whilst I've always thought of him as the older, scary brother, last night events proved that he is out there for me, and he has good intentions

My phone buzzed with a notification, I checked and it was from Mum. A small smile crept on my face, she's actually took the time to message me, the last time she text was a few days ago and I was worried she had forgotten about me. I realised she had sent a message to us all, in one big groupchat, making me feel less important as she hadn't messaged me personally

To my gorgeous children, I think you are all in need of an update. This holiday so far had been a wirlwind. It's been jampacked and days have been filled with adventure and making memories. Last night, I was at a restaurant with the love of my life, when something unexpected happened. He got down on one knee and proposed to me! Of course I said yes - I'd be a fool not to. We've decided we will be getting married next year, in our home city. This is onwards and upwards for me, I want you all to be there, but there is something else I have thought about. When I get back, I've decided I want to live out here in New York, not only because this is where my husband-to-be lives, but also the opportunities are amazing and will give me a shot at writing. This decision was hard for me to make and I hope you understand. I love you all so much xxxxx

I locked my phone and put it on the coffee table, curling up in a ball and hiding my head

"Mum's not coming back" I muttered

"I knew she wouldn't" Corey replied

I shrugged "She's never been around really has she?"

"Stuff got hard when dad left. Mum really struggled to cope" Elliott told me

"I know"

Luke jumped up from the sofa and grabbed his coat, then went into the kitchen. I followed him as he went to the back door; he pulled out a cigarette and began to smoke

"I tried to stop, I only bought those ones you know about, I haven't had one since the day I bought them, but mum has annoyed me" he said, taking a puff on his cigarette

"Can I try?" I asked him truthfully, reaching for his cigarette packet

Luke smacked my hand away "No! It's a bad habit, don't you dare start smoking"

"What's going on out there?" Elliott called

Blowing the smoke from his mouth, Luke pushed me away "Go inside. Tell them I'm getting some air"

I huffed and did as I was told

"Where's Lukey?" Brandon asked

"He's getting some air. I think the whole situation has made him stressed" I replied, only half lying really

Luke spent another five minutes smoking, trying to destress himself. He reminded me of when dad used to smoke, before he left us

I know that smoking is bad for your body, it slowly ruins your lungs, but there's something about it that seems relaxing

Luke

I've tried to stop. The last packet I bought was when we all did the family food shop

Alexa is the only one who knows I smoke. If she told anyone, especially Brandon or Elliott, she'd pay for it

They can't know I smoke.

If Brandon found out, he'd be mad. Our Granddad unfortunately passed away due to a lifetime of smoking, us siblings all promised each other that we would never smoke. Elliott smoked the day dad left. I saw him and we ended up fighting. He stopped due to being unable to fund his habit

I began to think to myself, whilst stood having a smoke, I had nobody to bother me or ruin my thoughts. I began to think to myself about my siblings, how we're all affected by mum and dad leaving us, how we're all different..

Being the oldest of us all meant that Brandon had a lot of responsibility, he had to take care of us when mum would go out. He had to be a sibling and take care of us at the same time. However, with Brandon, if you're in shit and need someone to help you, he'll be over and fight your battles alongside you. Deep down he loves us all really

Corey and Elliott aren't perfect either

Although he thinks he is 'Gods gift', Elliott's not all he seems to be. On the outside, he seems tough and like nothing would hurt him, a typical party boy who goes out drinking and talking to all the girls. Yet on the inside he's had a hard time. Trying to keep up his reputation of being the popular all rounder kid was hard for him. Guys wanted to be him, some were envious of him. The pressures of being the cool guy who got everything was hard, but he'll never admit it

As for my twin, Corey, we couldn't be more opposite on the outside. He's the devil and I'm the angel, although looking at me smoking right now you wouldn't guess it. We were always compared to one another as kids, "why can't you be more like your twin?" were ingrained into us as children, usually from dad. Academically I was the brightest, teachers had high expectations of me. Socially, I was the weaker twin, I never made the football team, unlike Corey. I couldn't go to a group of lads and just instantly make friends with them, unlike Corey

Alexa is different to us all. I guess growing up with four older brothers is hard. In school, all the kids and teachers knew her as "so and so's little sister", always being compared to us. She's a good kid deep down, and would do anything for anyone. She's innocent and gets alot of stick from Brandon and Elliott, mostly of Brandon, which she doesn't deserve (most of the time!). Sure, she winds us up and carries out her little sister behaviour, but we all love her so much

"Luke? You okay?" Elliott called out, interrupting me from my thoughts

I stubbed out my cigarette and threw it in the bin outside, blowing the smoke out of my mouth and heading inside

"I'm coming in now"

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