Enchilada Ed

37

Ed sat on the hallway floor, outside of his bedroom. He could hear Pax and Mike downstairs, discussing Mike's job in music production. Gina's probably loving that. Her two biggest crushes, hanging out together. Ed could also hear Yessica and Audra talking in muffled voices. He felt like an expectant dad. Or, at least, how he imagined an expectant dad might feel.

After an eternity of three minutes, Yessica popped out of the bedroom.

"Does it fit?" Ed asked, more eagerly than he would have expected.

Yessica pursed her lips.

"It doesn't, does it?" Ed muttered.

"Too big. It was made for normal-sized Americans, I guess," Yessica said, "not French girls who've never seen a real, baguette-less McDonald's."

Audra walked out of Ed's bedroom, hiking up the top of the red dress so that it barely covered her bra. Ed tried not to peak at the exposed bra straps. Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy.

"I thought maybe I could pin it," Yessica pinched the excess fabric of the dress's waist, "but it's big all over. I'd actually need to take it in for it to be any good, and we don't have time for that. If you two had thought about this earlier-"

"I never think," Ed said, "I've been working on that, but-"

"It's alright," Audra smiled at Yessica, "I was never in love with the idea of prom. When Emily found out I liked you," she turned to Ed, "she insisted that we go to prom together. I agreed only because I thought it would be a chance to get your attention."

"My attention? I don't even like dancing," Ed stammered, "I thought- You already had my attention-"

Of course the whole prom thing was Emily's machination. That eager beaver probably would have tried to engineer a relationship between Ed and Audra even if they hadn't actually been attracted to each other at the start, if only to make sure the entire squad attended Phil's senior prom. That was her plan from the very beginning. Or at least since December, when she started pushing the prom topic into as many conversations as she could. Ed would get her back sometime. Maybe he'd use his #EnchiladaEd influence to buy all the Kylo Ren cupcakes at Wegs and refuse to give her one. That would really salt her apples.

"This is adorable," Yessica squeaked, "Forget High School Musical, this should be on Disney."

Ed gave Yessica a vaguely annoyed look.

"Okay, fine," Yessica set her hand on Audra's shoulder, "Put on your clothes. Mike's going to order Dominos, if you'd like to stay for dinner."

***

As Ed climbed down the stairs, he watched his dad walk into the foyer and quickly slammed shut the door behind him. His lips were curled into a scowl.

"What's wrong?" Ed skipped the last step.

"That damn WBNZ van is outside," Ed's dad peeked out the window, "They want to know if you're going to prom with Audra. Some photographer said he wanted to get the 'money shot' of you in your Ellen tuxedo, because it would be a 'boon' to the local affiliate."

"Jesus," Ed said.

"I said that if they wanted an interview, they'd have to ask you yourself," Ed's dad took off his rain jacket.

"I don't want an interview," Ed said.

"Then don't give them one," Ed's dad started down the hallway.

"Dad-" Ed began, "uhm-"

"Yeah," Ed's dad turned around.

"So Audra and I aren't going to go to prom," Ed said, "First of all, the Ellen dress doesn't fit her, and two, us going to prom would probably cause a spectacle for everyone else. I don't want that."