Left At The Altar - ON HOLD

Chapter 2

"Addison, please open the door," Skylar knocked from the other side.

"You have to eat sweetie. It's been almost a week, it's not healthy." Kendall reminded me again.

"Guys, just leave me alone okay. I just need more time to process everything," I replied, trying to sound fine but failing in the process.

"How much more time do you need? It's been - "

I rolled my eyes feeling more irritated than before.

"Almost a week!" I yelled interrupting Kendall. "I heard you, Okay?! I've been hearing it since the day he left! I seriously don't need this right now." I said, hot tears streaming down my face. "I don't need everyone to keep reminding me how long it's been since he left! I don't need everyone to keep checking on me when I say I'm okay! When I say I'm okay, I'm okay!" I yelled wiping the tears off my face angrily.

"No, you know what Addison? We're your friends and we're just trying to be here for you. Your family, everyone, we just want you to be okay. We know what happened a week ago is heartbreaking and you're going to need time to heal, but we want to help you. All you've been doing is pushing everyone away at your time of need! I mean sure, you got hurt really bad. But it's only going to get worse if you don't let anyone in to help you heal it! You may think you can do it alone, but you can't and you know it." Kendall scoffed.

"We know that what you're feeling is hell and you want to be alone right now," Skylar said. "So we'll leave you, just please, at least try to understand how we're feeing too," She sighed. "We'll be downstairs." With that, I could hear their footsteps going down the hall.

Crying to myself, I thought over what they said. I felt guilty. They were right, they're my family and friends, and here I am, pushing them away. I shouldn't be angry with them. It's not even their fault. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and left my red puffy eyes as it was. I slowly walked down the stairs feeling like the biggest bitch alive, but who could blame me? I was left at the altar. They were only trying to help me. When I stepped out, I smelled Skylar's amazing enchiladas. I started drooling and my tummy grumbled at the smell. I was so hungry. Getting closer to my friends I heard them talking to each other. Skylar saw me first and walked to hug me. Kendall followed and it felt so good be with someone. I started tearing up. "I'm so sorry guys," I whispered. "I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you guys. You guys were right, I have been pushing everyone away. I just couldn't face anyone. I felt so humiliated standing alone up there." I said so quickly, crying out, frustrated at him.

"It's alright, we're sorry. Now come on, I could here your stomach as you were going down the stairs," Skylar chuckled at my grumbling tummy. I weakly laughed and followed them towards the kitchen.

We ate in silence leaving us all to our thoughts. The feeling of comfort from my two best friends is not enough to heal my heartache, but it was enough to make me feel happy for just one second. I always knew he would be the only one to make me feel whole again. I quickly shook my head as if the thoughts of him would leave completely. I finished up my enchilada and started up a conversation with my girls. Eventually, the wedding came up, and they both cautiously looked over at me.

"I'm sorry guys, I don't really want to talk about it right now," I said quietly. "But, I'm fine. Of course I'm still more than hurt, but hey, like you said earlier... You guys will be here for me and that's all I need right now. And you know what, if he doesn't want me anymore, it's his lost." I finished with a firm nod.

"I knew she was still in there," Skylar smiled happily.

I laughed, "Thanks. I love you guys."

"We love you too!" they both yelled pulling me in for a bone crushing hug.

After releasing me from their death grip, we talked and reminisced about our childhood.

During the past 2 weeks, Skylar and Kendall have been at my house. They wouldn't leave me alone until I was stable enough to cook my food without breaking down. My parents visited me a few times as well. I kept telling them I was fine, but they disagreed and I was okay with that. I didn't like being alone. I wasn't used to the feeling since Colton would come over everyday. And when he couldn't, Skylar and Kendall would. Or my parents. But today, I was alone. Skylar had to go away to a business meeting for work while Kendall was at her grandma's house with her family. She insisted that I come along, but I declined, not wanting to intrude on their family time.

I haven't seen Colton since the wedding. I don't even know where he is right now. I haven't even seen his friends around lately either so I haven't heard any news about him. I'm still so humiliated about what happened at the church that I can't even go outside without feeling as if everyone is whispering about me behind my back I don't think I could ever forgive him for making me feel this way. That's if I ever see him again.

So here I was all alone in my empty apartment feeling scared and anxious. I didn't want it to be true, but here I was, waiting to see the results; either positive or negative. I missed my period this month and have been experiencing morning sickness. Since I have been experiencing most of the symptoms of a pregnancy, I had no other choice than to buy a pregnancy test.
Going back into my room, I sat on my bed, ready to see the results. I was feeling so nervous and I could feel my heart beating rapidly. This is it, the moment of truth. Looking at the stick, there it was. Proof that I was indeed pregnant. Shocked, I hadn't realized that I dropped the stick. I quickly checked all the others in case it was false, but only to find them all positive.

"No no no," I said shaking my head, tears forming in my eyes. "I can't- it can't.."

I was so shocked I couldn't make out any words, so I did the best thing I could do.. I fell to the floor pulling my knees to my chest and cried.

I cried all my insecurities and troubles out. I cried for being left alone from the man I was to spend the rest of my life with. I cried for how disgusting I must be to make the man I love so much not want me. I cried for failing my parents and becoming a broken girl. I cried for becoming pregnant so carelessly. And I cried knowing the father of the growing fetus in my stomach will never be there for my first check up or to satisfy all my weird cravings.

Through all the confusion in my life, I knew one thing was sure.

The baby was his.

He was the only person, my first for everything. Soon my tears of self pity turned into tears of anger. Angry because he told me he would love me forever. Angry because he promised to never leave me. Angry because he took my heart with him when he ran out of that church. I was especially angry because he left me broken and when I was finally beginning to feel happy, he comes back in some way and takes it away. Now that I'm carrying his child, our child, he'll forever be a part of me. After a wave of emotions: anger, frustration then sadness, I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next day with a lot of messages and missed calls from Skylar, Kendall and my parents.

I called them all saying I was alright and started watching reruns. Seeing the sticks on the floor reminded me of my situation and it began sinking in. I was pregnant. I was going to be a mom. I never thought I'd be pregnant at 22. I was hoping I would be when I was older and having my own job teaching at an elementary school and Colton making great success with his grandfathers company. I was hoping that when I get pregnant, Colton and I would be living in a big, modern and cozy two story home, falling in love with each other more and more as the days would pass by. As I kept thinking about it, I then realized that my baby wouldn't have a father. I didn't want to tell Colton, but I had to. I wasn't going to keep the baby away from him. And I wanted my child to have a father. Rubbing my stomach, I went over to the phone to call him so we could meet up somewhere to talk... about everything. I slowly dialled his number not sure if he even had the same number. As soon as I was about to punch in the last digit, I hung up. I was having second thoughts and I was scared. This would be our first talk since that day. I don't think I'm ready. I really didn't want to be the first to make the move. But I had to, for our child. Staring at the phone for a while, I finally picked it up again and dialled quickly.

"Lets just get this over with." I thought.