Di•vorce

Di-vorce {III}

III

Aiden watched Sheila silently as she struggled to pull her suitcases down the stairs. He didn’t try to help her; in fact he didn’t even move a muscle. He merely leaned against the doorframe with crossed arms and a blank expression plastered on his face.

 She finally pulled the suitcases down the last stair and put them down with a small sigh. She could clearly feel his presence only standing few meters away from her, but she tried to ignore it.

 Her car keys. She dropped her gaze to the ground and then slowly moved in his direction. Avoiding any eye-contact, she awkwardly passed him, heading into the kitchen. Their arms brushed against each other for a split second but she ignored it while he remained in his position, showing no emotions.

 Her eyes landed on the keys on the counter and she quickly grabbed them. Her fingers enclosed the cold metal in her hand and she closed her eyes, standing completely still. But her eyes snapped open as she felt his burning gaze on the back of her head. After taking some deep breaths, she span back around and their eyes immediately locked. But she diverted her eyes quickly to the side when she wasn’t able to hold his intense stare.

 She walked out of the kitchen; this time moving carefully and in doing so avoiding any body contact. Her feet led her to the wardrobe where she turned her back towards him. She slowly put her shoes on, fully aware that his eyes were following every movement of hers. She grabbed her coat of the hook and slipped her arms into the sleeves. But before her hand could move to the zipper, a rough hand grabbed her right hand.

 She jumped and tried to withdraw her hand in shock but the grasp only tightened. Her whole body tensed up and she felt his body standing closely behind her. His body heat radiate to her, even through her coat. She closed her eyes and listened to his deep breaths.

 “Don’t leave.”

 Her head snapped around and she twisted her body to look at him. She was shocked. Not by his words but by his soft voice.

 “What?” She asked in a breathy voice as she locked her eyes with his once again.

 Noticing he wasn’t going to reply soon, her eyes searched his for an answer. But she couldn’t concentrate. Instead she felt his eyes pulling her to him. It was almost like hypnotism and her mind slipped into a dazed state. The thoughts in her head were whirling and her whole body felt light and at ease. She even felt the butterflies erupt in her stomach; a feeling she hadn’t had for years.

 For years.

She suddenly blinked and her whole body stiffened, slipping out of its state of trance. Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration and anger and she tore her gaze away from his. She couldn’t let him control her. She needed to focus and … leave.

She then perceived that there was only small gap between their bodies and if one of them only took a step closer there would be no distance at all. Somehow this proximity was irritating her but at the same time her heart was beating furiously in her chest. Her breathing quickened as she tried to tell her body to move away from him. But it didn’t react and remained frozen on the spot.

 “I heard you yesterday. I know you don’t want to leave.”

 Her head jerked upwards when he suddenly spoke but she didn’t let herself look into his eyes. Instead she focused on his lips as if she was practicing lip reading.

 “You’re right.” She was surprised at how composed she sounded.  “I don’t want to leave but I know I should. And I know you want me to.” She turned her head to the side.

 She would never admit it but her heart silently shattered into pieces when he didn’t reply.

 “He didn’t even argue back, he really wants you to leave,” the quiet voice whispered in her head.

 Keeping her face blank, she slipped her hand out of his grasp and turned around, facing the grey wall. She zipped up her jacket then slowly buttoned it up. She let a minute pass before she spoke again, facing him again.

 “How come you’re not at work?” She tried to sound nonchalantly but curiosity filled her mind.

“I wanted you to stop from leaving.” She scowled.

 “You know, if you had spent the time, you had spent with planning this divorce, with me once in a while, I wouldn’t be leaving right now.” She merely got a desperate look as a response. “You know what hurts me the most? You didn’t even try once to make it work or at least to talk to me. I hate that you gave up on me without even trying once.”

 She didn’t want him to know how much she was hurting. But her mouth seemed to have its own mind and she had already spilled everything, she had safely bottled up for months.

 “Don’t blame me for everything.” It was probably meant to sound offended but his tone was rather soft and begging.

 “I’m sorry.” She let out a deep sigh. “I’m not trying to make you look like the bad guy. I’m just telling you what you made me realize. It is over and it is probably for the best.”

 He didn’t respond and she didn’t expect him to. She opened the front door, and then grabbed her suitcases, pulling them behind her as she slowly walked towards her car. She had put her suitcases in the trunk and was closing it when she heard him calling her name.

Reluctantly, she turned around and saw him standing outsides, just a meter or two away from her. This time he kept a comfortable distance between them, but somehow her heart was aching for him to get closer. He didn’t say anything but stared at her, his eyes filled with emotions she didn’t want to read.

 And even though, he was the one who called her, she stepped closer to him. She slowly took his hand and dropped something in it. While he was starring at the wedding ring in his hand, she ran her eyes over his handsome face one last time. She snapped out of her thoughts when he shook his head and looked up.

“Keep it.” And before she could protest, he pushed the ring into the front pocket of her jacket, closing it securely.

It was then that she realized him lightly shivering. He was only wearing a t-shirt and sweat pants and he must be freezing, considering that the whole town was snowed under.

“Go inside,” she whispered.

He slowly shook his head and before she knew it, she was crashed against his body, his arms engulfing her into a tight hug. Although the rational thinking part of her mind protested, she leaned into him, savoring the moment. Her hands were resting on the side of his torso, clutching onto his t-shirt, as he pulled her even closer.

His face was pressed against the side of hers as the heat of his breathing fanned the exposed skin of her neck.  It unconsciously calmed her and she sighed at the tingling feeling it gave her. She snuggled her face into the thin fabric of his t-shirt, noticing that he had stopped shaking with cold.

“Take care,” he whispered into her ear.

She pulled away from their embrace, only so much that she could see his face clearly while their bodies remained pressed against each other. He starred back at her, none of them speaking.  Slowly he leaned closer and pressed a brief kiss on her cheek before he completely released her and stepped back.

She pressed her lips together while still starring at him. He glanced down to her stomach, where she had placed her right hand, then looked up again. His lips curled into a small smile, but it seemed rather pained. She nodded.

One last time she starred into his eyes, before she turned around and got into her car. She started the motor and backed out of the driveway, pulling onto the street. As she drove away, she looked in the rearview mirror and saw him standing in the driveway as his words echoed in her head.

Take care.